When I was a child, I rarely got sick. It was a good thing because there was nobody to nurse me back to health, anyhow. However, as an adult, as I moved toward facing my history of child abuse, I became sick a lot.
I used to have one serious illness after another. I would get the flu, which would go into bronchitis. I had multiple sinus infections. I stayed sick, which drove my husband absolutely up the wall. (He is hardly a nurturer.)
I would get extremely ill each time I started a new job. I used to joke that I was allergic to first days because I would get very ill. I started one new job with a stomach virus. I had bronchitis for the start of two others. You really cannot call in sick for the first day of work, but you also cannot be vomiting all over the person who is training you, either. It was a terrible situation.
I would sometimes break out into hives for no apparent reason, especially if it was the worst possible time, such as the day of a test. I would break out into eczema rashes in the most difficult places, and it would not clear up for months on end.
When I was finally ready to enter into therapy, I lost my voice – not once but five times. My therapist said it was a fitting metaphor because for most of my life, I had no voice.
My therapist recommended that I read the book Compassion and Self Hate by Theodore I. Rubin. I was shocked to learn that my own self-hate was fueling all of this illness. The book drove home that extreme self-hate can manifest as physical illness. I did not realize just how much self-hatred I harbored until making that connection.
Since I have chosen to love myself, I rarely get sick anymore. In fact, this sinus infection has been my first illness this cold & flu season (I mean in the season that has already ended). Even when hub got one strain of the flu and my son got the other, I stayed healthy. It is amazing how deeply our minds and bodies are connected.
Related topic:
Trauma Tuesday: Traumatized Children and Frequent or Inconvenient Illnesses
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
the same is true for me, except i havent got to the part where i am really healthy. i hope i get there, i just dont know ? im tired of not feeling good though! this is really messed up!
I hear you!! I am now on day 7 of a sinus infection w/no end in sight. It is really hard to stay positive when you feel badly physically.
- Faith
[...] Child Abuse History, Illnesses, and Self-hate [...]
Stop Child Abuse NOW! since 1975 to 1999 from Donora, Pennsylvania to Portland, Oregon by a Handicapped and Survivor from 20 years of severe childhood abuse along with his twin sister.
Paul M. McLaughlin survived 20 years of severe abuse and almost lost his life TWO times as an infant and that it made Paul into a handicapped in slow learning. Paul graduated from the Ringgold School district in Donora, Pennsylvania in 1970. Paul got drafted into the army and cheated on written test to get into the army. Paul went into the army at Fort Dix, New Jersey and transfer to Fort Lewis, Washington.
In 1972, Paul received an honorable discharge and moved to Portland, Oregon. A elderly woman discovered Paul and taught Paul to read better, writing, typing machine. In 1975, Paul wanted revenge on Child Abuse and began his One Man Campaighn on Child Abuse.
Paul had travel over 25,000 miles across the U.S. with Open Forums, radio talk programs (20 of them) and made a television commercial for
abused children, Paul raise non profit fund raising for abuse children in each state, town, cities across the U,S. Since 1999,
Paul taken ill with MS and had to relearn to walk, speaking, vision return and many other illness with MS. Paul have epilepsy since 1980′s and is control by medication.
Loved In The Midst Of Suffering
http://www.efn.org/~scan/story5t.html
Paul’s Web Page Since 1995
http://www.efn.org/~scan
Paul M. McLaughlin
Stop Child Abuse NOW!
298 Hunington Ave.
Eugene, Oregon 97405-4055