One of the biggest joys in my life is helping others along their healing journey. That is why I write this blog. I don’t get paid for it. I only registered as an Amazon affiliate so that this blog can raise money to help fund Isurvive, my favorite charity for child abuse survivors. The checks go directly to the charity.
This blog is a labor of love, because I hear frequently that the lessons I have learned through my fierce healing battles are helping others along their own healing journeys. I see others find healing in my deepest wounds, and it brings value from what otherwise would have been meaningless. I will never be grateful that I was abused, but I will be forever grateful that I am helping others to heal.
What frustrates me is how I am unable to help some of the people I care about most to heal. I am helping people on other continents along their own healing journeys, but I must stand back helplessly and watch others in my day-to-day life struggle without being able the help them. The difference is that those of you who are reading my blog are in a place where you are ready to face your demons and heal. Some of the people I care about in my off-line, day-to-day life are not there.
I have one friend who is struggling with anorexia, but I cannot do anything about it. She is not ready to hear me. If I say anything, she will only push me away and further isolate herself, which will only make matters worse.
So, I watch in silence as she wastes away and pray that she will talk to me one day. I have told her about my own personal h@#$ of battling an eating disorder, so she knows (or should know) that I get it. However, my version was the other extreme (binge eating), so maybe she won’t know. I see her speeding toward a brick wall, and I am powerless to stop her.
Then I have another friend who was recently diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It was news to her that this was an anxiety disorder, and she had it all backward. She has agreed to take medication so she can alleviate the symptoms, which she believes are causing her anxiety. I told her that her symptoms are how she is managing the anxiety, but she did not want to hear this.
She also did not want to hear that, if she would focus on expressing her repressed anger, she would see a big reduction in her OCD symptoms. I was not advising this in place of the medication but in addition to it. She is not ready to face that she has any anger to deal with. She says that she has forgiven her abuser and even continues a relationship with the abuser. In my experience, forgiveness cannot occur until after you give your anger a voice. She never has.
I cannot make another person heal. It is just so hard to see someone I love going the wrong way and be powerless to stop it. I guess I need to focus on who I have helped rather than who I cannot.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt