On my blog entry entitled Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID): Losing Time vs. “Normal” Memory, a reader posted the following comment:
Today I was at a meeting and I “woke up” in the middle of some kind of discourse fully unaware of what I was saying. I tried to catch up with myself but felt like the people with me were confused. Now I know it, recognize it when it happens. Usually I am co-present, but lately that is not the case an indication for me that I’m getting ready to remember something pivotal…Now, at this stage, I wonder about explaining to the confused what is happening. My gut tells me no. But I do wonder. ~ Esther
I would recommend against “going public” with your diagnosis. To the extent that most people have heard of DID, their impressions have been shaped by movies like Sybil and more recently the The United States of Tara. I would not want people to assume that I am going to do some of the “freaky” stuff that was portrayed in the movie. (I have not seen “Tara” because I don’t have Showtime, so I cannot speak to that show.)
Depending upon your age, you can always blame it on “the memory being the first to go.” I am forty, and my peer group is constantly losing the train of thought mid-sentence, even without DID. You can always blame it on that. You can even make a joke like, “There’s that early onset Alzheimer’s rearing its ugly head again.”
Now, if you have a couple of close friends in your life who you think can handle hearing about your diagnosis, I would start there. I do have a handful of friends who know about my history (including the DID), and they are very supportive. I start by making sure they can handle hearing about the abuse first. If they can’t handle hearing about the abuse, then they definitely cannot handle hearing about the DID.
Even though I am very vocal about DID on my blog, I write under a pen name. I have only shared my blog with a handful of off-line friends because, even this far along in healing, I am not ready for everyone in my life to know this about me. However, I am very open about having been abused as a child. That is much easier for me to talk about publicly than the DID stuff.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Thanks Faith, this is useful stuff. There are only 3 people who know I have DID, my husband, my therapist, and one close friend. I have an 18 year old daughter and she does not know, although my husband and I have debated telling her. Sometimes it feels like I’m keeping a secret from her because we have a close relationship. I was advised by my therapist that instead of looking at it as keeping it from her, look at it as telling her when the time is right. So at this point I will wait, afterall, she’s about to launch off to college and start a new phase of her life, she doesn’t need this strangeness added to her plate. Do you have an oppinion on whether to disclose to a person’s children?
barbi
Great post. There are only two others aware of my diagnosis – therapist and sister. I had no choice with my sister since we live together. Problem is my dad and brother are going to be coming here to live next spring so I may possibly have to tell them as well. Dad’s a minister, not sure if I’m ready to deal with what’s getting ready to come out of his mouth.
Hi, Barbi.
I agree with your therapist about “waiting until the time is right.”
I have some sad news to share with my eight-year-old son. I am not keeping this sad news as “a secret,” but I am waiting for the right time. Rather than dump this sad news in his lap when he is not ready, I am waiting until he is developmentally ready to process this sad news. If he asks me why I did not tell him sooner, I will tell him that I wanted to wait until he was ready.
I see it the same way with your daughter. Of what benefit is it for her know about this at this stage in her life? When the time is right, you will know it. Until then, this is simply your private information.
Just my two cents…
- Faith
Thanks Faith for your 2 cents, it is valuable and helps confirm what I’ve already heard and am feeling inside.
Thanks,
barbi
Ofira– Don’t feel obligated to tell someone you have DID simply because you’re living under the same roof. If you’re not comfortable talking about it, by all means, don’t!
If you’re concerned they’ll wonder about your unusual behavior (switching, flashbacks, reacting to triggers, etc.) then simply explain that you have PTSD. There’s no need to go into further detail, unless you want to, and only if you think they can handle it. Alternatively, don’t say anything at all. If they ask questions, answer as simply as you can without outright lying–i.e.: If you get triggered easily, just explain that certain things bother you, or that you have a phobia.
After all, your diagnosis is your own business and something to be shared only if and when you desire to. You can choose how much to tell, whom to tell it to, and when to tell it.
Thanks Midge. It never even crossed my mind that I could state PTSD. Thanks for the other tips on how to not give out the diagnosis but just some details.
Faith,
I admire your openness here, even it if is under a pseudonym.
It is my hope that you and I can both tell our stories of survival out in the open. I prayer that all of us can do that, and that we will have a crowd of people who love and support us when we decide to step forward.
My tale is being drafted now in my head and on paper . . . I am confident that it will make its way to print, and that will provide me with some peace of mind – finally. Finally.
Hi, Klar.
Please post a link to how to order your book after you get it published. I would love to read it.
Take care,
- Faith
Faith,
I certainly will do so. My dream would also to become a public advocate for people who have been sexually and physically abused by their mothers.
Great posts–I’ve seen your blog before but this is the first time I remember taking the time to read them.
Just wanted to say that I don’t get Showtime either, but I’ve been following US of Tara on surfthechannel.com (just type in the name of the show in the search bar and it comes right up). Fair warning, there’s a good bit of language and some things might be triggering. But overall, I enjoy the show. I mostly appreciate that it’s raising positive awareness—perhaps even compassion. Before US of Tara, my best friend was very uncomfortable with the whole DID thing even though he’s known me for many years and has seen alters (he didn’t know that’s what it was at the time of course, but now he knows). Now though, he’s addicted to that show, and he’s much more comfortable about the DID. He’s even curious (big change from before) but not in an invasive way. He’s very sensitive and respectful about it. So I can really appreciate that—even if US of Tara’s portrayal is much more flamboyant than the real thing is.
sometimes i feel like the day after a drunk. I used to not be aware of losing time, but others have brought up a couple of things about my behavior that I do not rememeber. I still think its very rare that I actually lose time. But anyway. I never used to be able to explain my feelings about what happens sometimes. But now I can. Its like I have been drunk (I dont drink at all any more, for over 23 years). you know the feeling, the day after and you are think oh crap, how could I do that, say that, feel that. I get consumed and driven. When I break out of it, it is like I have been on a bender. I am feeling very depressed today because I just came out of another one. ****************si Trigger.
I dont htink my arm is broken, but ew, yeah it hurts a lot. I can still move it quite well though. I dont knwo it just sucks. I cant see my d or my h when I am liek that, so its always a mess to cover it up. That and my body is so stubborn and I cant drop any weight. Plus My d saw the scars on one of my sides. Which really really upsets me. I have been able to hide them for so long, so well. I dont want her to know. She doesnt’ now, but when she is older, she will know.
I dont knwo. I am just depressed and needed let some of this off.
only the best wishes for you all.
palucci