After my mother/abuser left, my friend and I went to my sister’s graduation party where we had a great time. I got drunk and figured that was completely warranted in light of the situation. I didn’t get a chance to decompress afterward because of the drama that ensued in trying to get home. I returned home to find out that my mammogram was suspect, and I had to endure over a week of waiting to find out if I had cancer or not. I spent Christmas Eve waiting for biopsy results. Fortunately, I received good medical news.
Sis and her kids came to my house for Christmas. My mother/abuser sent Christmas presents for hub, our son, and me. My sister told her what to buy hub and me (an Outback gift certificate) and ripped off my sister by not fully reimbursing her. What she got my son was for a four-year-old (he is almost nine).
On Christmas morning, my mother called Sis on her cell phone to wish her a Merry Christmas. When they hung up, Sis said that mom had asked her if she should call me to wish me a Merry Christmas “now that we have seen each other and talked.” My sister said no, and I said, “Hell, no.” My mother also told my sister to tell me to write her with the rules of communication (like I haven’t told her ten times what the “rules” are). I guess “back the f@#$ off” was too subtle for her. Idiot.
I have been dissociated for weeks now. I have the memories of the last few weeks, but they are encased in fog, and I have to look hard to see them. I tried to move back to presence yesterday, but I felt the need to cry hysterically for a long time, and I don’t have that luxury until after these d@#$ holidays are over, hub is back at work, and my son is back in school. Until then, I guess I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the best that I can.
Related Topic:
Trauma Tuesday: Seeing Abuser after Years of Safety
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Wow Hope, You are doing a great job of coping with all of this! I think you did a really good job and were much nicer than I probablly would have been. I am so inspired to see how GOD is healing you. Gives me hope that one day I will be healed too! Bless you in your healing as your story continues to unfold and give GOD the glory!!! Bless you and your family!!
Has your mother asked for the rules before? Has she ever apologized? I wish my mother would apologize to me for how she’s treated me (she’s not my abuser) and really mean it. I hope I never turn into my mother.
Hope things settle down for you soon.
Hi, Ivory.
My mother/abuser loves to push the boundaries. I told her (in writing, so she could have saved a copy) that, if she wants to continue a relationship with me, she may contact me only once a month, in writing (no phone calls or visits), and talk about day-to-day stuff. Off limits are any mention of the past or reconciliation. The consequence for each violation is that I will not respond for three months. She has violated these terms over and over again, down to calling and leaving messages (I have Caller ID), trying to contact me several times in a month, and asking for visits, phone calls, and to discuss the past. I could not have been more clear, but she pushes the boundaries, anyhow. She has even threatened a few time to “show up on my doorstep,” which is when I sent her the “back the f@#$ off” note.
My mother has never apologized for the things that matter. She has apologized for not being my Brownie troop leader, for not taking me to a doctor after I got kicked by a horse, and for other comparatively trivial issues. She has never owned up to her abuse or the abuse that she enabled others to inflict upon my sister and me. Until she does, we have nothing to talk about.
Don’t worry — You are not your mother and never will be. Your mother probably wouldn’t waste her time reading a blog like this. :0)
- Faith
Wow.
Sounds like lots of “stuff” piled on MORE “stuff”! You are hanging in like a champ. My feeling is that I’d have likely melted down by this time, but when i melt down, I lash out or get in my car and drive….
Can the hub take your beautiful son on some kind of adventure that takes the afternoon to complete? I have to do the same at my house sometimes.
Keep hanging in.
Much peace,
mia
Hi, Mia.
No, hub is not reliable childcare. I enrolled my son in a morning camp for this week so I can get at least a few hours to myself.
- Faith
I can only imagine your head is spinning. I’m so glad the mammogram came back okay at second glance.
Hi Faith, though I know you are stuggling you are doing so well! your friend sounds great. I am so glad she was with you. You are very strong and you prepared yourself well.
Hugs ((((Faith))))
palucci
I am sorry for all you are going through.. I am glad you are physicallly well though. I too am going through a really hard time with dissociating and everything so I understand.
I am sorry that this time is so crappy. and that we must just get through it.
you have lots of people who love you…
Faith, I’m so sorry you’re going through all this, but I also think you are doing an incredible job coping with it all. You may think you are a dissociative mess, but really… you’re able to rationalise, write, and work it through. What a great job!
I’m also glad you’re ok, physically, too.
Hang in there.
Kerro