Hi, everyone! I am back from Disney World and ready to start blogging again. :0)
The Disney trip was exactly what I needed. Starting with the fender bender in October, my life has been one fast roller coaster (mostly down) of a cancer scare, seeing my mother/abuser again, issues with my special needs kid in school, and my post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) causing insomnia throughout much of this period. I feel like I have been trapped on a hamster wheel. I kept trying to work harder, smarter, faster, etc., but my to-do list just kept growing. My body finally gave out, and I was very sick for a week. Then, I spent a frenzied week trying to play catch up from being sick as well as get things done before going out of town for a week.
When I got to Disney, I decided to set all of the drama of my life aside and just “be.” I did a pretty good job (for me, anyone). I feel like I finally hopped off the hamster wheel for a few days. Then, when I returned to the huge piles of @#$% that I need to do for my job, my home (pay bills, etc.), my professional blog, my personal blog, my kid’s special needs, and volunteer commitments (kid’s school, PTA, and church), I spend the morning in tears. I don’t want to climb back onto that hamster wheel. I am tired of working, working, working all of the time and the pile of stuff that I need to do never getting any smaller. So, I am climbing off the hamster wheel.
I am going to have to make some big decisions about what I am going to cut out of my life, and I am going to use that free time to do the self-nurturing things I used to do, such as yoga, meditation, walking my dogs, and simply “being.” For the past several months, I have not had one minute to sit and “be.” I have worn myself out doing and doing and doing. It stops now.
Of course, I cannot drop everything at once, so I am in the process of prioritizing what needs to go, what needs to scale down, and what I want to continue. I definitely want to continue this blog because it is meaningful to you as well as to me. A friend told me that dropping the letters PTA from your life really clears up a lot of time, and that is one area that definitely needs to scale down or stop. I love my job and don’t plan to give that up. I need to figure out how much time I have to devote to different activities, allot my time, and then cut away the fat. It is a painful process that I have done before, but it was such a relief after I did it. I will keep you posted on my progress.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
glad your trip went so well, you deserve it
glad to hear that it’s got you on the right track again, i’m happy for you.
Good for you Faith! What you are doing is so important.
I’ve noticed a lot of survivors keep really busy for a variety of reasons, many times it’s because they are hearing someone else’s voice telling them they are lazy, etc…
I am studying to become a life coach, and I’m happy to send you a life wheel that helps to break down the areas of your life and visualize where you are spending more time than you need to or want to… Couldn’t hurt, might help.
Good luck Faith, so happy you’re back!
Peace, mia
Hi, Mia.
Yes, I would love to use the life wheel. I think you have my email address. :0)
- Faith
Welcome back! Looks like you got the much needed rest and had some fun!
I am so glad you are back Faith…your blog is part of my morning routine — I missed it
Fat Girl Oreo
So glad you had a nice break..
Your life sounds like mine and I too am stepping away from PTO I told them that I was avaiable for them to call for request but no longer running the show, and it has fallen apart but that can’t be my problem I am only worrying about my child right now. I am working on learning to say “no I am sorry I don’t have time”
Good luck maybe I can learn from you how….
Hi, MomaT.
I really relate to what you wrote. I frequently do things because they matter and won’t get done otherwise, but I cannot run the world. My son is one of 330+ students at the school. A handful of parents should not have to do all of the work.
- Faith
hi ((((faith))))
(((((((((((Faith)))))))))
Please take it easy and do what is so good for you, make sure you have your time again you have helped me in so many ways and we understand when you say it is hard to decide where to start and we are sure what ever you decide will and must be beneficial for your well being.
Now Faith if it is okay with you we would like to update you on the own bedroom we did post for your advice a few months ago and it has taken us ages to actually achieve this, the you do not want me anymore syndrom inside we think no your okay it is sex we don not want and to be honest never want. I suppose part of us was wrong to stay in marriage but that is one thing we want. (crazy)
We think H thought we would forget what we discussed and carry on as HIS normal but we got there after much arguements/discussion i have my own bed for me and no one else and my own bedroom( WHOOPEE ) Okay it is early days/nights 4 to be honest but my own personal space where no sex at all is permitted no fear of being forced/available/switched into sex. My rules for my space are clear and laid down and even in 4 nights it has made a small differnce in our sleep pattern but only time will tell
Thank you Faith and please take care of you
anon
Faith, This is really great… I have done exactly this at various times over the past couple years. The temptation is to want to dump everything… but that’s not very practical. It’s funny how the hamster wheel is just kind of what most everyone (trauma or not) have come to accept. It doesn’t need to be that way, and making those changes does help.
I made a big round of changes a couple years ago, dumping my 1+ hour (sometimes 1.5 hours) commute 5 days a week and mainly work from home.
With my therapist being away these past couple weeks, I’ve made another, more modest, set of changes… mainly having to do with supplementing healing from therapy with things like you mention: yoga and tai chi. And I reduced the number of healing blogs I follow from like 40 to like 10 because I was getting way too overwhelmed.
Good for you!
Paul