Are you still in the same place you were last year? Are the issues you wrestle with today the same ones that you were wrestling with last year? If you can identify at least one area of your life, no matter how small, that was a problem at this time last year but is not today, congratulations – that is growth!
Someone shared an interesting quote with me that I have modified to match my own beliefs – You know that you have grown when what you are wrestling with today is different from what you were wrestling with a year ago. Life is all about growth and change, and it is always going to be hard. However, when you can honestly say that what you are wrestling with today has changed in any way, that is an indicator that you are making progress, which is great! (Side note – If your answer is no, that does not mean that no healing is taking place. Our deepest wounds often heal from the bottom, so it can be difficult to see the progress until a lot of healing has taken place.)
After hearing (and modifying) this quote, I did an analysis of what has changed in my struggles since last year. (Keeping a blog makes this even easier!) There are many areas that are still a struggle, such as what to do about my mother/abuser. However, I have grown in many areas as well.
One area of which I am particularly pleased is my progress in taking care of my body and finding ways other than binge eating to get through the day. It was in May 2009 that I found the courage to step on a scale and stop “hiding” from the truths about my weight. (See my blog entry entitled Me, My D@#$ Eating Disorder, and Physicals.) I currently weight six pounds less than I did when I wrote that blog entry. My weight has fluctuated quite a bit, with my weight being another six pounds lighter at one time, but the bottom line is that I am six pounds lighter than I was 11 months ago, and my weight has never gone above the number on the scale when I wrote that blog entry. That is huge progress for anyone with a lifelong history of binge eating.
I have my annual physical scheduled for May 20. I have decided to try to focus on my body for the next 6-1/2 weeks and see if I can get my weight down to a goal range (not a particular number but within a range of numbers). I do not typically do this, but I have built a spreadsheet in Excel to track my daily progress – goal weight each day (shooting for losing 2 pounds a week) as well as the amount of time each day I spend doing aerobic exercise, weights, and yoga. I used to lift weights (light weight-lifting, I assure you) back in graduate school and before my son came along. Goal-setting 101 says that a goal without a schedule and a deadline is just a wish, so this is why I decided to get serious with a spreadsheet.
I am not thinking past May 20. Right now, I just want to focus on transforming my body into a healthier one, which is also a “safer” body – better able to run or fight back. I will keep you posted on my progress.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
My issues are the same, my appoach has changed!
I once had a friend that said she stopped journaling as she found she was writing about the same thing over and over.
One thing that is hard with our multiplicity is we have hosts that are not doing as well as when we decided to enter therapy. That is hard for them to take. It has been a negative for them. It is getting old telling them it will get better.
I once told my therapist we were doing good. She said “I think you are doing good work I would not call it doing well. I told her to lower her standards. Lucky she did not.
Physically I am much worse off then when I started therapy. financially is not even close.
I am still questioning whether it was all worth it to me and the ones I love. That is because there are parts of me that I do not yet know and so can not love.
My girls (wife’s insiders) have come so very, very far in the 2 years they have been out. I can’t compare it to anyone else, and I wish this was “over” but in the major scheme of things with essentially “no” progress for the first 20 years of our marriage because neither of us knew what was happening, I’m glad that we are finally moving forward.
Sam
Congratulations Faith! Especially great news about taking better care of you inside and out. Mommy’s often feel they can’t or don’t have time to, or simply are too tired or forget to… so big clapping for you from here!
Peace,
mia
I like that quote. It’s easy to get caught up in all that is happening (or not happening!) now, I often try to focus on the “now” and the future – but actually, looking back can allow perspective. A great thought to start the day with, thanks!
Good luck for the next 6 weeks. Six pounds is a huge achievement! Good for you.
I sometimes think I am wresting with the same things… but dealing with them in different ways. It’s not, for me, what the issues are, but how we process them. It’s the process that counts. I think we become static in our healing when we aren’t open to exploring new ways to process… Thanks for a great post.
[...] Healing — faithallen @ 6:20 am Tags: overcoming binge eating, transforming body As I shared here, I am 1-1/2 weeks into a 6-1/2 week plan to transform my body. I promised to keep you posted on my [...]