Faith Allen’s Story – Watching a Child Fall

*******trigger warning – emotional, ritual, & physical abuse******* Most of my memories of ritual abuse happened during the night, so this flashback surprised me by taking place in the daytime. My sister and I had to work together to piece it all together to make sense of what happened. We both had the same basic [...]

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Faith Allen’s Story – Buried Alive

*******trigger warning – confinement and emotional abuses******* My abusers would sometimes bury me alive. I don’t know why other than to freak me out. I cannot fathom what purpose burying someone alive has other than to be cruel. Those memories are more flashes than anything else. I did recover one “after” memory of digging myself [...]

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Faith Allen’s Story – Locked in a Box

*******trigger warning – ritual abuse and confinement ******* My abusers used to lock me in a large plywood box for long periods of time. I have no idea why other than to freak me out. My memories of this are sketchy, but I definitely have flashes of being locked in the box alone and then [...]

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Faith Allen’s Story – Abusers Killed My Dog

*******trigger warning – animal abuse and emotional abuse******* I have already written about this memory here. I am reprinting the story here. This was one of my most traumatizing memories, so I see no need to put myself through telling the story all over again. When I was around six years old, our dog had [...]

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Faith Allen’s Story – Waking Up with DID

I have already shared the two events that caused my inner child, “Annie,” to go to sleep. You can read about them here and here.  Both stories are very triggering. After Annie went to sleep, I woke up, and I did not know who I was. I just knew that I was not Annie, and [...]

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Faith Allen’s Story – Father’s Betrayal

*******trigger warning – sexual & ritual abuse******* My decision to split myself into dissociative identity disorder (DID) happened because of two life events. I already blogged about the first one here. The second one involved my father. Let me preface this story by saying that I do believe that my father was a victim here, [...]

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Faith Allen’s Story – My Virginity was Sold

*******trigger warning – sexual abuse******* Anyone who follows my blog knows that I went through a very difficult time last Spring (of 2009). The reason for this was my struggle in recovering the memory of the first vaginal rape. Being vaginally raped was my deepest trauma and the truth I ran from the most. I [...]

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Faith Allen’s Story – Ritual Abuse

*******trigger warning – ritual & sexual abuse******* It is not possible for me to tell the tale of the ritual abuse in a linear fashion. What I experienced was so terrifying and traumatizing that the memories and emotions were immediately fragmented and stored in different parts of my brain. I can piece together that certain [...]

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Faith Allen’s Story – Why I Must Be “Perfect”

*******trigger warning – emotional abuse******* This story is actually a year later (in third grade, when I was 8). I am jumping ahead because this is another S story. After this, my next several posts will center on the ritual abuse, which is what S was grooming me for with all of her torture in [...]

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Faith Allen’s Story – Making Sure I Wouldn’t Tell

*******trigger warning – ritual, sexual, and emotional abuse******* From here forward, it is difficult for me to tell the story in a linear fashion. After the ritual abuse started, I split into complex dissociative identity disorder (DID), and I did not recover the memories in a linear fashion. I will do the best I can [...]

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