On my blog entry entitled More Alter Parts, readers posted the following comments:
May not be the same at all. I have parts that are outside of my body. They do not ‘come out” rather they “come in”. It does not lend itself to discussion with in the current understanding of dissociation. For me when the come in there was a severe physical reaction which is not their fault. It is less severe now. Any way I thought would throw the concept your way and you can do with it what you wish. ~ MFF
I also like MFFs concept of “coming in”. Thats the way i experience it too (if I “expereince” it). its more an invasive kinda thing, it feels like it either takes over or comes and gets me.ahh just writing about me makes me so uneasy!! Thanx tho, MFF!! ~ queen_of_acknowledgement
I am intrigued by the concept of alter parts “coming in” rather than “coming out,” and I would love for readers who experience this to explain it to me.
Before integrating my host personality into my core, the host felt like a sliver of a soul, and other alter parts felt much “bigger.” Sometimes both parts would occupy the same space, like another part would “step into my face” while the host personality was still present. This felt like “coming out” because parts would “step into my face,” which was “coming out” of the depths inside and into my face. Does that make sense?
After integrating the host personality into the core, “I” feel much deeper and richer like a “fuller” soul. Parts that are not integrated “hide” in my stomach and thighs, which is why I struggle so much with binge eating. When I binge eat, I “stuff down” the alter parts/emotions/memories.
I guess I do experience a “coming in” of sorts when I invite an alter part out. Really what I am doing is inviting that part back into the core, which would be a “coming in” versus a “coming out,” but I am not sure if that is what you mean. I would love to hear more about “coming in.”
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Yes, this makes sense to me… I tend to experience it both ways really. “Coming in” is more common as I have healed, as I sense that things are changing and in what direction (i.e., from what part). Whereas before some “awareness” it was just wing, bang, boom…
I do experiencing the coming out. That is when a part was at one time and then they are out again. Two extremes; the IceMan will come out in real danger. He comes out and takes over when there is clear imminent danger. He is integrated so now we are aware when dealing with danger. Mikie who is integrated might have found a rock and handed it to you and said. “Here this is your rock.” We still might do that, we would be aware. This is kinda as close to DID as we come.
Some parts are outside of my body. Example; I was playing the piano with my therapist. One was outside in the snow and if I was not aware of them and where they were than we could not play a whit. He was played the piano from outside in the snow.
Some times outside parts can come in the body. Example; I am playing the piano and it just comes to me. It takes energy yet no effort. I am one with the music. Although I still can often not play a whit I do know that there have been times I could. I know in a different way how I ski, design building, golf and such.
Pretty much a constant walking outside the body experience.
There was a part of me that was always outside of the building in therapy. At first the point farthest away that we could see outside the window. They are now in the office in some object for the most part. Sometimes they sit beside us on the left. Mikie used to sit to the right now I do.
Hi, MFF.
That makes sense to me. Many of my trauma memories are from the perspective of the ceiling, and some are even from the treetops. So, I do understand the “coming in” much better now. Thank you for elaborating. :0)
- Faith
For me this is why “grounding” is unhelpful at best. For us we need to be the ones that are outside the body not the other way around. In a real way grounding causes parts that do not need therapy to be out and about.
It works backward for us. We are the ones outside the body and then they can be inside alters.
In a way grounding makes it possible for us to do what the world needs and wants us to do. Getting much less important what the world needs.
If my memory serves me well. You have a wolf part. Would that be a inside or outside part?
Between age 3 and 5 I developed a whole system of outside parts. They are all birds. Hence the Journal of the Wizard and the Falcon.
You see my birds do not need to drink, eat or sleep. They can not be touched and do not touch each other. They do not go to the place not in time and the castle there that is hidden underground. Perhaps soon they will go to the place not in time. Perhaps they would not have to enter through the portal of many colors with the beyond black in the middle. Hard to tell with such things. The Falcon can see each side of the portal. Though not with the same view in each eye.
Hi Faith,
reading this I think I might have gotten away with only slight DID…its nowhere near as complex or alien (I think) and Im quite new to it as well (being aware) and I like expressing myself in () cos I always felt that () is there for the second person (alter part:). The way I expereince it, is in that I (me)am leaving (or rahter being pulled away) and then the respective (most called for the situation)alter part comes in and takes over.which I usually only notice in retroperspective.
And sometimes I have the sensation of “next to me”. Like Im here and then this alter part is right next to me. A bit like the way MFF described it.
And I do have dreams where I wonder why people are talking to me when clearly Im up in the air, underneath the ceiling and by looking down, can see them from above.
I do not really have the sensation of someone coming out but I also think that to be very scary so who knows.
Thanks Faith!
Please let me specify “gotten away with only slight DID” translates into “my personality needed to split in fewer alter parts for survival because child abuse was less severe”
just wanted to clarify that I think that the extent of DID relates to the intensity of the trauma(s)
Hello… I have been reading your blog for months now. Your blog is actually what lead me to isurvive. I have found that place and your blog to be one of the keys to keeping me sane. I pretty much cut ties with my mother last year on July 12th.
I found your blog as I was looking for justification that it was ok to cut your parents out of your life.
I spent 42 years dealing with her insanity. Things just finally came to a head and Im just pretty much done with her. Im slowly getting stronger and trying to heal.
I am still working through a multitude of things that were caused by her.
I just really wanted to say thank you so much. I just wanted you to know that you helped give me the courage to
I hit the submit button before I was done.
I just wanted you to know that you have helped give me the courage to try to heal, to try to build a new life.
Hi, Phoenix.
Thank you for much for telling me this. It means a lot. :0)
- Faith
I have someone who comes in instead of comes out. For me, I think it is like that because she is so far away from me, so separate. Unfortunately, she represents my intuition. She is not as far away as before, but I still experience her as ‘coming in’ instead of coming out. It seems to me that this should make me more afraid than I am of those who ‘come out’, but it doesn’t. The ones who ‘come out’ are ones who can really take over and to me that is more scary and they and their material seem like invaders. No so with she who comes in. Though I have been a little afraid of her and our communications at times, she comes in and helps me and brings some comfort in a way that the others cannot. She is a companion.
Also, I wonder if ‘coming in’ could just be a matter of perception. I can see how someone who ‘comes out’ in my perception could feel like ‘coming in’ to someone else. If someone has the power to take over, maybe it feels a little bit like an invasion and thus is perceived by some as ‘coming in’ (like to take over). I don’t know. I’m sure it’s a bit different for everyone.
[...] posts looking at the subjective experience of alters coming and going in a multiple personality ( 1, 2, 3 [...]