I had another one of those dreams where I wake myself up screaming. I used not to be able to do this. I would scream and scream, but no sound would come out. I have screamed so frequently in my dreams over the years that I have developed lucid dreaming whenever I scream. The fact that my voice does not work correctly when I scream clues me into the fact that I am dreaming. I have learned to push through it – keep screaming louder and harder. Eventually, I will make a noise in my sleep that wakes me up, providing me with an escape hatch from the nightmare.
This happened again last night. I rented a car with three parts (I have patterns of threes in my dreams but don’t know why – perhaps body, soul, and spirit??) that are split long ways. I was sitting in the far right section when a childhood friend jumped in the middle and started driving the car. I didn’t want him to, but I also didn’t believe I had the right to tell him no, so I made a joke about him violating the terms of the rental car agreement. His response was to crash the car.
Suddenly, I was sitting on a toilet (bathroom dreams represent the most private parts of myself) in the dark when I felt two arms grab me from behind. It felt like how an adult might pick up a child roughly – like the adult bent down, put each arm under each of mine and then curled upward so the adult could lift me, and I could not get away. The adult’s arms where in that position but did not lift me – but they held me trapped.
I screamed, wanting my mommy. Someone else walked into the bathroom. I could not see who it was, but I “knew” it was my mother. That just made me scream louder because I knew she would not help me. I thought my mother would be safer than the stranger grabbing my arms, but once she came and did nothing, I was terrified of her as well. I screamed and screamed until I forced myself to wake up.
I think the part about being grabbed from behind is a flashback because I can feel it in the cells of my body. Even though I am awake and alone, I can still feel the warmth and strength of those arms as I am being grabbed from behind.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Sorry Faith. That sounds terrifying.
Its great how you’ve developed that method of waking yourself up though. Wish I could do that.
peace,
mia
For many years I would also experience this screaming in my sleep. I too would be lucid, so I would be trying to scream for someone to wake me up. Since the sounds I was actually making were different than the sounds I thought I was making, it would come out sounding like some weird garbly goop. When I was married it would scare my husband and he said it sounded like I was “possessed.” Even after I was divorced, I would do it, and my children would end up coming to wake me up, and would just say “mom you are doing it again.” Later when no one was there to wake me up, I would finally make enough noise that I would wake myself up. In recent years there hasn’t been so much in the way of screaming dreams, but instead sobbing dreams. The sobbing will eventually wake me up, but then my mood and functioning is off for a couple of days till I seem to be able to rebalance. Even though I enjoy the peacefulness and escape of sleep when it is a good sleep, the bad dreams make me angry because it makes me feel like I am being pulled backward into something I thought I was recovering from.
My husband frequently has these type of screaming dreams. Usually someone is trying to break into our house in his dreams. I wake him up and make sure he is okay before we both go back to sleep. This has been going on with us for the entire 38 years that we have been married.
I have these sorts of dreams too. I used to just make squeaking sounds as I screamed in my dreams. Eventually the squeaking got louder. Now I make fairly loud “Ehhhh, ehhhh, ehhhhh!” sounds, which aren’t quite screams, but are loud enough to wake my husband up, who in turn wakes me up. If I’m alone, I have to keep screaming until it gets loud enough to pull me out of the nightmare.
These kinds of screaming nightmares used to happen frequently–every few nights, and I’d often have several in one night. But it turns out that one of my alters is able to control my dreams. He can create dreams with specific content, if I ask, and he can prevent certain dreams. One day in therapy we asked if he’d be willing to stop the nightmares. He agreed, and now I only have a screaming nightmare once every few months. It’s a huge relief for both me and my husband!
This is a timely post for me, I was just thinking about this topic. I have also had dreams where I woke up screaming or yelling.
Yesterday I took a nap, and when I started to wake up I heard a noise that I thought was a dog whining in the distance, or someone using power tools. As I became more awake I realized that I was making the noise, which was a sort of sustained moaning, full of emotion. I tried to duplicate it later when I talked to my husband about it, but I couldn’t even come close.
The word that comes to mind is “keening”…I’m not even sure what that means, but I think it’s a form of verbalizing grief without words. It was a very strange occurrence that I’ve been puzzling about since yesterday.
There is a serendipity about your blog where you often write about something that I am dealing with and looking for answers about. For me, it’s a clue that my Higher Power is watching out for me, giving me answers when I need them. I know you are a spiritual person, and wanted you to know that you have touched my life in this way.
Thanks, Kate. :0)
Here is dictionary.com’s definition for “keening:”
“a wailing lament for the dead”
If I had read what I am going to write years ago I would have said the author had not clue what it was like. I used to wake up in a cold sweat screaming. The images were so clear I would have called them hallucinations except I knew no one else could see them. I would be sore the next day and the only similar feeling was the day after I ran a road race.
I called them night terrors as nightmare did not come close and they happened sometimes in the day. Over time I came to accept them as my frienamies (friend/enemies) I had them for a reason the reason was not my fault.
I choose not to try and intellectually understand them I did not analyze them or their meaning. As far as I know they are gone. I may have a nightmare which I consider normal. The difference is I get up walk around and it is over.
I did the same thing with triggers. They were there for a reason and they could tell me something if I was available.
Somehow my experiences came into my consciousness and then the night terrors stopped.
I went for a Reiki healing session today in hopes of getting some relief from the deep “funk” that set in after the last sobbing dream I had, or the trigggers that thrown me off base for a couple of days. I found a great deal of relief, and feel better right now. She also told me about a Xi Xi Hu breathing technique that helps to rebalance energies when one is overwhelmed. I am going to try it each morning upon waking, and especially after the triggering dreams to see if it can help me rebalance sooner.
Sounds awful to wake up that way. I usually try to be totally silent in my nightmares and I wake up holding my breath and sweating. Maybe instead of being “pulled back” into it, you are finally strong enough to know it. Our minds are sneaky that way!
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