On my blog entry entitled Choosing Not to Dissociate the Pain, a reader posted the following comment:
Hi Faith, you wrote “It sounds like the key is learning how to live in the present and feel whatever comes up in the present moment.” This is what Mindfulness is about – have you done this before? My therapist recommends practicing mindfulness regularly so that it becomes an automatic thing that I can do when difficult / stressful times arise. There is heaps of info online if you are interested. You can buy things to help if you want, but it’s not necessary. I sometimes listen to CDs but most times I just choose to be mindful to regular daily things like washing my hands, eating or house cleaning, etc. It takes time to make a new habit, but I think it’s worth it! ~ Dawn
I tend to cycle around and “relearn” different areas of healing, and staying present is an area of healing that has become a central focus for me lately. This is due, in part, to reading Geneen Roth’s book Women Food and God, but this is actually not a new concept for me. With each pass, I seem to “get it” at a deeper and deeper level. It would be really great if staying present would just “stick” this time.
Like Dawn, I had a therapist who encouraged me to live in the present. He would say that the past has already happened and the future has not happened yet. The only moment I have right now is the present one. He would encourage me to engage in activities, such as playing the piano, that drew my focus to the present moment. His antidote to being trigged and dissociating was to focus on the present – on how the chair feel under my legs, how my breath feels in my body, etc.
My yoga instructor had the same advice. She would repeatedly remind me to stay present in this moment. She taught me tools, such as yoga and meditation, to help me with this. Without fail, doing yoga and meditation helps slow the internal chatter and relax me by bringing my focus back to the present.
I have not been ready to “hear” it yet, but from what I can tell from flipping through the book The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz, the key to healing sexually is to pleasure your body (at first in non-sexual ways) and stay present during it, such as walking barefoot in the grass and experiencing in the present moment what it feels like.
I also had success in conquering my binge/compulsive eating for 11 months by staying present while I ate. Losing weight was effortless – the weight dropped off as I stayed present and paid attention to my body’s cues about when I was hungry and when I was not. I got derailed by being very triggered, and I never fully returned to that place.
So, now I am reading Women Food and God, and it is telling me the exact same thing, although I am in a better place to “hear” it. While her audience is people who want to overcome compulsive eating, she is clear that her advice to stay present is really about how to live your live in the present. How you eat is simply a reflection of how you live and what you believe about yourself and your life. More on this topic tomorrow…
Photo credit: Hekatekris
Applying what is known about mindfulness outside of the context of being multiple failed. I was able to get much reinforcement that the reason it failed was I did not understand or try hard enough when the reality was that the knowledge failed me.
I expect that most of what is known about how to achieve mindfulness is about rediscovery and is not applicable when there is not mindfulness to be rediscovered. Not unlike rediscovering an inner child that never existed when I needed to discover my inner children so that an inner child could be for the first time.
I needed meditation in motion. Perhaps that is because that is how a child meditates, when they are still they go to sleep. For me mindfulness was experienced by swimming in a lake. Then and only then did I sleep in stillness.
A recent study concluded that Tia Chi with its emphasis on motion and not posses was more beneficial if the person has PTSD.
MFF,
I have a couple of responses to your comment. First of all, I really enjoy your comments. They always give me something to think about or a new perspective. Thanks for that.
RE meditation in motion. I had a friend once who had a LOT of anxiety and even when he claimed to be relaxing, did not ever seem to stop or slow down much. He went to see a therapist who told him that some people relax while moving, just like you said. He called it active relaxation. I never knew it had a name. Anyway, it is not as uncommon as I once thought.
Also, that’s interesting about Tai Chi because I did it for a year once and it was like a moth to flame. I have major PTSD and Tai Chi was so great for me, I figured it had to be for everyone… In fact, I wanted to add an amendment to the constitution that said everyone has to at least try it!! So, that makes me feel validated!
Ok, I’m done. Have a great day all,
mia
mia,
Thank you for the compliment.
Michael
Interesting subject. I used to get so frustrated when I’d realize after the fact that I’d forgotten to be “present/mindful” in a situation that I really wanted to be… Now I mostly just giggle (or shake my head) internally, and try again.
I get sucked into the moment from my perspective and forget to be the witness also. But I do go in and out a lot easier and more frequently than I used to, so I’m taking that as a good sign.
Peace,
mia
[...] 10, 2010 by faithallen In my last blog entry, I wrote about my history with learning how to stay present. This is a skill that I have been good [...]
Thanks for this post, Faith. I agree that staying present is a key to healing. In fact, it reminds me of something a teacher in high school said once, which is that you can only be happy once in your lifetime, and that is now.
I am considering going back to yoga after nearly half a year without it, because I feel now ready to try to be mindful. When I last went to yoga, whenever we were asked to pay attention to our present state, the emotions would flood, and I didn’t want that in a group setting. Either that, or I would dissociate. I’m now thinking I may be ready to try it again, but maybe I will ask my movement therapist to try it in iour ndividual sessions first.
Hi, Astrid.
I only do yoga at home alone in my bedroom for this very reason. I think that yoga is a very personal experience and do not want to be in a group when I do it. I have only done it with one other person in the room (my personal yoga instructor before she moved away). I used Howard Kent’s book “Yoga Made Easy” to learn how to do it alone:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1556524218?ie=UTF8&tag=bloolotu-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1556524218
- Faith
[...] I write this, I have been focusing on trying to stay present (mindfulness) for roughly 10 days. I thought I would share my observations so far and then check in from time to [...]
[...] Staying Present as the Key to Healing from Child Abuse and Aftereffects [SEO: A nice followup piece to the article above. "... I had a therapist who encouraged me to live [...]
[...] Staying Present as the Key to Healing from Child Abuse and Aftereffects (faithallen.wordpress.com) [...]
[...] Staying Present as the Key to Healing from Child Abuse and Aftereffects (faithallen.wordpress.com) [...]
these days i just feel like i just ‘exist’ … i dont know where i am in the past or present … sometimes i think i am more in the past but i cant differentiate.. am at the early part of my processand am trying to work out whether i am revisting the past to process my memories that i had forgotten or am just dwelling.. i dont know.. its frustrating..