In my last blog entry, I wrote about how the lies we have bought into from childhood continue to plague us in adulthood. Geneen Roth’s book Women Food and God is helping me to understand that the key to dismantling a trigger is mindfulness or learning how to stay present. This blog entry continues a summary of Roth’s theory on how staying present can transform your life.
I stated in my last blog entry that our minds deceive us. They have bought into our abusers’ lies, and they direct us through triggers to act and react as we did as children. That was fine in childhood, but we are now adults, and we are no longer in the same environment that we lived in as children.
Roth states that the key to dismantling triggering (although she uses different words for “triggering”) is staying present (or “mindfulness” as a reader called it). Roth’s advice is to learn how to inhabit your body again. She says that we are a society of people walking around who live in our heads or “near” our bodies but not in them. This is why people who compulsively overeat have such a hard time stopping – they are not living in their bodies, so they are unable to sense their bodies’ cues about hunger and fullness. I have personally experienced great success in overcoming compulsive overeating and losing weight when I made an effort to stay present, but I “forgot” this skill after being triggered mightily.
When we are triggered, we dissociate (or “bolt,” as Roth calls it). We leave our bodies and try to distance ourselves from all that we are feeling. This is our minds continuing to torture us with our childhood pain. We cannot trust what our minds are telling us, and that causes us to second guess all of our instincts and intuition.
Roth says that the antidote is to live in your body. Her recommendation is to practice meditation so you can learn the difference between your mind and “you.” She also recommends a breathing technique that I was unfamiliar with. Breathe in and out, focusing on your belly. Your belly is the center of your body, so noticing the way your belly moves when you breathe and focusing on your breath at the center of your body helps to bring you back into your body.
When you return to your body, you return to the present. You are able to recognize that you are completely safe in the present moment. As you learn to focus on what is around you right now – the sights, sounds, smells, etc. – you distance yourself from the pain of the past. You can learn to observe the pain and see that it is separate from you. As you approach the pain with kindness (acceptance) rather than flight (avoidance), you dismantle the pain.
This ties into my experience with integrating alter parts and memories – inviting them out, treating them with kindness, and accepting them as “me.” This method has worked very well for me with integrating alter parts, so I can see how it could work equally as well with past pain.
I still have about a third of the book to read, so I am sure I will be reporting more. Right now, I am trying to digest all of this and practice staying present.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
It does work. The trick is remembering, or getting in the habit of being here.
peace,
m
Faith, apologies if this is “hijacking” the comments for your post. But how would you define “closure” from child abuse?
Hi, Lilo.
Let me think on my answer, and I will write a blog entry in response. :0)
- Faith
Thank you – I”m looking forward to that blog entry.
I really love this. I have often read about how mindfulness can help but you explain it beautifully. Thank you, I’m beginning to try and use some techniques (yoga) and I definitely can see how I do not recognise signals from my body.
I use the phrase getting out of my head. There are many obstacles to doing this. The important one are my obstacles.
That being said the world does not want me outside my head. They like the results the get. There is little help in getting out of my head. Our world is set up to keep me in it not the least of which is all my education.
Funny and not so funny I often “think” about how I could get outside my head or look to information to learn how I can get out of my head. This prevents me from getting out of my head. So in effect I stay in my head and try and figure out and understand how to get out of my head. Not successful.
I do sometimes discover ways that I might get out of my head when in my head. I make no discoveries in my head.
It is hard as anything can be done in my head. I can play and instrument with our creating music.
It is also hard as that part of me has little experience so in a way I am underdeveloped that way and have a life time of compensating.
Not helpful that what I have to express outside of my head leads me to fell like I have lost my mind.
[...] my blog entry entitled Living in the Present to Dismantle Triggers, a reader asked the following question: How would you define “closure” from child abuse? ~ [...]
Faith—
I have a question about triggers. I have only recently begun to uncover memories as vague pictures in my head, so there are not many of them. Whenever I read or hear about people being triggered by something they usually refer to memories or flashbacks that come with them. I feel triggered by things all the time since I was young—objects, specific words, actions, etc.—but I have no memories or flashbacks that come as a result. Instead, I feel a strange sense of panic, shame, and arousal. Are these technically still triggers? If not, what are they?
-Brynn
P.S. I have spent hours reading your blog since I found it. I find you incredibly inspiring.
[...] my blog entry entitled Living in the Present to Dismantle Triggers, a reader posted the following question: I have a question about triggers. I have only recently [...]