Let me begin with a disclaimer – I believe that everyone has a right to decide how to treat his or her own body, and I am not pointing a finger at any individual in this blog entry. My focus in on a societal trend, not on an individual’s right to choose his or her body’s appearance.
Now, with that out of the way… Does anyone else find the societal trend of women completely shaving off their pubic hair disturbing? Let me start by explaining what I am talking about. Apparently, in the United States, there is a societal trend toward women shaving their genitals. The only reason I know this is from comments made in sitcoms and stand-up comedy.
I watched a stand-up routine by Whitney Cummings, who did a comical take on shaving one’s genitals. She said the only reason she knew that women were doing this was from watching porn. On the TV show “Mike & Molly,” when Molly said that a woman dyed her hair, Mike’s mother made a crude reference to the drapes not matching the carpet, to which Molly replied that women don’t really have carpet anymore. I think I heard a third reference to this somewhere else as well.
I can honestly say that my girlfriends and I NEVER discuss our “carpeting” with one another. I, frankly, do not care if they are shaving down there or not. What bothers me is that shaving the genitals is apparently a societal trend, at least trendy enough for mainstream comedy on TV. That, combined with virgin waxing, has me concerned about a societal trend that is making women’s naked bodies resemble little girls’ naked bodies, at least “down there.” I find any trend toward sexualizing a girl’s body disturbing.
Perhaps I am overreacting, which is why I am asking you – Is anyone else bothered by this trend? Does anyone else see the harm in telling men that bare genitals on a woman is an attractive and sexy look? No, I am not saying that a man is going to transform into a pedophile after having sex with an adult woman with bare genitals. My concern is that each mini-step toward equating a grown woman’s body (removing pubic hair, making skinny fashionable, etc.) makes having sexual relations with a girl seem a little less “different.” Am I overthinking this? Or is anyone else alarmed by this?
Photo credit: Hekatekris
**Possible triggers**
I’m not disturbed by the fact that some people do it so much as by what you say; the *trend*. The pressure to do it. I am surprised though, by the fact that more people don’t seem to find it a turn-off. I very strongly associate hairless genitals on both males and females with childhood (even though I rarely saw pre-pubescent male genitals as a child, the association is still there), which pulls me out of the moment completely. I really can’t see that making this association is remotely unusual. If I went for a full wax (I trim by quite a lot but do retain a certain amount) I would feel completely unsexy. Sexuality does not conform to “trends”, I’m afraid; I prefer to enjoy my body and my sexuality in the way that’s right for me, regardless of fashion. Also, people will vary in genital sensitivity; people who are more sensitive down there will not only not see the point of waxing, but it will hurt more anyway. If it’s not right for them, no-one should feel bad for not doing it.
One thing to note in this context is that I believe you’ve mentioned, Faith, that you prefer not to engage in cunnilingus. I am exactly the same; despite being quite kinky in other ways, it doesn’t do anything for me and if anything freaks me out a bit. I have heard from the lesbian/bi community that genital waxing has a lot to do with oral sex, not just making it a bit easier, but more erotic for some people. If it’s not someones “thing”, perhaps it’s a somewhat moot point.
Everyone: remember that if there are people in your life trying to get you to disclose details like this, and they don’t back off when you’re clearly uncomfortable with it, that is harassment and you don’t have to put up with it.
Hi, Jan.
You made many excellent points. Like you, I don’t remotely care what an **individual** chooses, and I see the point for the lesbian/bi community — never really thought about that. I am concerned about the “societal pressure” (as your worded it) for making the adult body look more like a child’s body. You are far from the only person to equate pubic hair with adult sexuality.
- Faith
Thanks for saying that. I’m sure you know what it’s like feeling like the only one to see the obvious point. Thinking about this again, apart from anything else I find it difficult to comprehend the nerve of anyone telling someone else what their genitals “should” look like. It’s just so violating.
I mean the only one in life in general, not the only one on here, obviously. Not good at expressing myself lately.
Im bisexual and not having pubic hair does make it a lot easier. I don’t care for oral but in the past and with my boyfriend now its important, its a big sexual preference. I’m just starting to embrace my body. Learning I have choices, and whatever I choose is and will forever be MY choice. It feels good to say that.
k
I’m not so much disturbed over this trend with adults (and this includes the trend towards men waxing their chest hair and other areas as well) and really, it is counter-productive when you stop to think about it since highly arousing pheromones are secreted in these areas (which, to me is biology’s way of indicating the beginning of sexual maturity when hair starts to develop in these areas.)
What I DO find entirely disturbing is the trend for more risque Halloween costumes targeting younger and younger girls. Here are some links along these lines:
http://www.clipsyndicate.com/video/play/731610/girl_s_halloween_costumes_too_risqu_for_some
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2007/10/28/eye-candy.html
http://www.wset.com/story/15697935/are-childrens-halloween-costumes-too-risque
This coupled with programs such as TLC’s: “Toddlers & Tiaras”, currently in its 4th season – is what I find the most disturbing and upsetting!!! And I’m surprised that more effort isn’t being made towards boycotting both these costumes and this horrible program!
Hi, Brenda.
Yes — I completely agree with you!! Also, many bathing suits for little girls are inappropriate. I know a mother of a girl who says she has to work hard to find non-sexual clothing for her daughter. They actually make little girl pants with “juicy” on the butt. That’s really disturbing on an eight-year-old child.
- Faith
Hi Faith,
That’s appalling!!!!
I just did a quick search and found this report from Science Daily dated May 9, 2011:
Science News
Sexy Clothes — Too Much, Too Young: Study Reveals That a Significant Proportion of Young Girls’ Clothing Is Sexualized
ScienceDaily (May 9, 2011) — Are clothing manufacturers helping to turn young girls into sex objects? According to a new study, up to 30 percent of young girls’ clothing available online in the US is ‘sexy’ or sexualizing.
Rest Here: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110509091420.htm
I can only imagine how hard it must be for parents to try and stave off the limited choices on children’s clothing, especially given the fact that by and large, it all boils down to just a handful of manufacturers which dominate pretty much all markets across the board…almost forcing you into purchasing this kind of stuff simply because that is all that is available!
There really needs to be a major, nationwide backlash against this sort of thing!!! It’s absolutely ridiculous!!!!
I’ve thought about this a lot especially since I’ve been more sexually active. My boyfriend and i have had a conversation on what he prefers. He prefers that I shave but I don’t think its because he’s a pedophile, I prefer that he “manscapes” also. So we have a mutual thing. Not to be graphic or anything but having hair for certain sexual acts is well, it makes it a more pleasant experience for him as well.
I was severely abused as a kid and when I got to old my weight was monitored and body hair shaved so I know where you are coming from. But now it is a personal choice. And I continue to separate past from present and keep my abuser out of my sex life if I can. I think if I told my boyfriend I preferred not to shave he’d be okay with it. Bottom line its a personal choice. And should always be.
Hi, Kryssi.
I have no issue with you making this personal decision, doubly so when it is something that you and your partner are discussion for your own enjoyment. It sounds like this is **your** choice as an adult, which is every adult’s right. My issue would be if you did this because you felt pressured by society to do it — that there is something “wrong” with you if you don’t. I don’t think society has any business telling me how much or little pubic hair belongs on my body.
- Faith
My experiences tell me this is not a trend rather it is going mainstream.
All fashion is in a way personal grooming and weird if you think about it. Men have short hair and women have long hair? How did that get started and what keeps it going? I do not know. Who came up with high heels and why did anyone accept wearing them? What is up with wearing a tie. I never do as I know the disadvantage in a fight.
Any pressure to look a certain way is wrong. The reality is the individual needs to handle it. Society wants to create sheepale. It is the function of society or the function it takes on.
When I was 20 I read a book. Titled “How to become a Non-conformist” It was satire and I knew then that many people would read the book and not understand it was satire.
I am a male and hear comments like. “Before I die I want to fuck a 16 year old again or “I like to watch the young stuff.” When I had teenage daughters some people would say something once. It seemed to be a kinda testing. The “men” are all losers. They may be rich and successful they are all losers. The subject only comes up once.
Hi, Michael.
I am sooo with you on the high heels thing. I actually thought about mentioning that societal trend in this blog entry but decided against it. I don’t even own any. I, personally, see the societal pressure for women to wear high heels as being similar to the Asian tradition of “binding” their women’s feet. (Thankfully, my understanding is that tradition has mostly been abolished.)
High heels accentuate a woman’s breasts, rear end, and legs, which is all sexual in nature. That’s fine if a woman **wants** to dress that way for her partner, but I find it ridiculous to expect a woman to walk around on her toes all day, accentuating her sexuality for her boss, clients, coworkers, etc. and then not have the ability to “run away” since a woman cannot run in high heels.
As for the long/short hair thing, I agree with you, but at least it is something that people see. How in the world would anyone other than my husband know how much or little pubic hair I choose to have? I have no idea about how much my girlfriends have, nor do I care!!
- Faith
Not only have I been alarmed by it, but also disgusted. I knew a girl that “shaved” every day, and really the only purpose is that of being pleasing to men and always “ready” I found it completely vain and shallow and disturbing that someone would put this much of their time and energy into preparing for maybe sex.
I have another friend who was freaking out because she is going back into the dating world and “you know everyone shaves their bush now!” That began a whole discussion of what I think about it and why she should just do what she normally does.
Then there is vagazzeling (Not sure if I’m spelling this right) but that is decorating your shaved vulva with rhinestones! Seriously! They are stuck on with some kind of glue or something. It’s gross! And sophomoric. It connotes a certain immature mindset to be that preoccupied with jeweling your genital area. It reminds me of friendship bracelets gone very wrong! It is giving power away, it is just so disturbing on so many levels I can’t even list them all.
You are right to be alarmed in my opinion. It is quite alarming, not only that it is happening or being somehow promoted through porn, but that woman would allow themselves to fall prey to this garbage and buy into it. Especially after fighting so hard to earn respect in society, this is what they focus on? Really?
I can’t even go into how wrong it is to make immature genitalia attractive in porn movies… I guess it’s the closest they can get to kiddie porn without breaking the law. Sigh.
Yes, it is alarming as hell.
m
Argh, vajazzling (I think)! WTH?! That is just symptomatic of a society that thinks that sexual activity revolves around posing for other people’s gratification, isn’t it? Heaven forbid anyone should actually want to have sex.
Tell me about it… I mean what’s next, Vagazzel contests? Ms Vagazel USA? Sometimes I think we in this country have just too much damn time on our hands… the ones that have past “survival mode” are just too preoccupied with narcissistic and prepubescent pursuits, as we are trained to avoid reality in any way possible.
I read somewhere that the whole skinny models with perky boobs thing was making women look more like pretty young boys… If you think about it, there is truth in it. So, if you add the two together, (the one size gangly idea of female beauty along with the immature genitalia is attractive) and you’ve got some serious wide spread insidious poison and too many people are drinking the damn koolaide. (I feel that term is especially appropriate as this weekend marks 30 years since the Jim Jones mass suicide in Guayana.)
I’m sorry ya’ll, but I do find this not only disturbing, but extremely triggering and I’ve had more than my share of caffeine this morning, so… there you go!
I wanted to comment on this for other reasons. I am female and do shave my genital area. It is not about trying to look like a girl, it is not about being sexy for my mate. I can not stand for hair in that area to be pulled at all. It goes back to abuse issues. I don’t know what the going trend is, nor do I care what others are doing in there private areas. I just know what I have to do to not feel triggered, and this is one of those things.
Hi, anon.
I am glad you felt comfortable about posting. :0)
I am glad you did not think I was “beating up on you” for your decision. It sounds like this is **your** decision about **your body**, and you are shaving that part of your body because of your own personal preference. That is very different from women feeling shamed or pressured into removing their public hair because **other** people have told them to do it. :0)
- Faith
Well to be honest, I didnt feel comfortable about posting, hence the anonymous. I just didnt want others to think that it was just do to a trend, or pressure, or trying to look like a pre-puberty girl. Its not uncommon for sexual trauma victims to shave certain parts of their body because it is a trigger for them.
Anon,
I totally get what you are saying and I hope that I did not offend you with my rant. I feel like you do about what people do with their private parts is their own business and it’s ok.
I think the point that was being made by many of us is the trendy aspect of it and the mindless following the crowd mentality about something which may desensitize our culture even further with regard to sexual misconduct with minors.
I’m glad you spoke up and I apologize if I’ve offended you or anyone else.
I mean it.
m
I was not offended at all. I just didnt want anyone to think that some did it for trendy reasons.
I agree that pressure for women to look sexually immature in order to be ‘desirable’ (according to societal norms) is disturbing. I think that the pressure to be very thin and the preference for ‘perky’ breasts are other manifestations of this. Visible signs of woman have an adult sexuality and perhaps having had children are defined as “ugly” which is disturbing for a lot of reasons. I’ve given more thought to the repressive effects on adult women than the possible linking with sexualizing children but that’s an interesting point, too.
On the other hand, you’re right to distinguish societal pressure from individual experiences/preferences. Individuals sometimes make this choice quite freely and as part of an adult sexuality.
Hi, mcr.
Exactly! If you want to bejewel your private area and shave it into a happy face, have at it! Nobody other than you and your sexual partners should know about it. I find it very disturbing that mainstream women are discussing (and apparently pressuring one another about) shaving/waxing an area of the body that nobody other than sexual partners are seeing.
I don’t like the triple whammy of pressuring women as a society to (1) wear high heels so you cannot run; (2) stay skinny so your body resembles a boy rather than a curvy woman; and (3) shave your genitalia. Individuals can do what they want with their own bodies, but I would be very upset if I had a daughter who felt pressured into doing these things with her body. :0(
- Faith
Yes, it disturbs me. A lot of my friends have confided to the brazilian wax deal.
I really didn’t need to know that kind of information, but there it is. As a sexual abuse survivor and an adult woman now, the last thing I want to look like is the nubile child I was when I was being abused. Makes me sick to think of it. Other people can do what they want of course, I’m just not going there for obvious reasons.
You know…it kind of sickens me that I think much of the discussion here about this revolves around maybe some kind of “Sex and the City” episode…am I right? (Isn’t that where this topic first started?) Correct me if I’m wrong.
Some kind of fantasy media crap that many very sadly mistake as reality?
In comparison…can you just imagine a conversation between Mary Tyler Moore and Rhoda talking about trimming/waxing? Oi!
Even more ludicrous….Lucy talking to Ethel about it?
Ha ha ha….
Could you just imagine THAT dialog????
OK. Sorry. I had to interject some way-out comedy here to illustrate just how ridiculous this really is!
OK if ya want to do it, shrug. No biggie. Just don’t try to assume that is necessarily the norm one way or the other….
I find that as I get older (I’m 69 now) I’m more repulsed by pubic hair and would prefer to be totally waxed (pubic) myself and for my partner to be (but I don’t like a completely hairless man — a little chest hair & a little trail down the abdomen is great). It was the public hair that kept me from reciprocating when I was young and trying out everything (except drugs), including lesbianism. I just can’t believe that no matter how well the area is cleaned, there are germs down there hiding in the hair, and there’s almost nothing more disgusting than getting a public hair in your mouth.
However, I’ve wondered for a long time if there isn’t a large subset of men and maybe women who are closet child molesters. Look at all the supposedly over 18 women who try to look as childish as they can for porn pictures and videos. Because of my molestation, I tend to revert to a helpless child persona in my alone fantasies. OTOH, I’ve had very successful normal sexual relationships. I suspect a lot more people were abused as kids and carry the effects with them than we know about.
Very interesting issue. I do agree that everyone is entitled to there own ways of doing things. I do also agree with the association of bare genitals being too much of a similarity to children, which is quite disturbing! I don’t believe there is anything wrong with healthy hygiene practices, which may or may not include trimming and waxing. But it is odd and slightly wrong that our social media has made it so common place to talk of such things, and make our young teens turn to such “trends”.
Yes UncertainMe,
I’m all too aware of some *trends* in today’s society. Though, to be honest with you, it is really hard for me to try and separate a mere slice of media hype and specific, local adolescent propaganda with an overall truth..I just honestly do not know where that dividing line is and to what extent it permeates young minds on quite possibly a much larger scale.
But be that as it may, I can share with you a VERY DISTURBING book and expose from Canadian writer Sharlene Axzam:
Oral Sex is the New Good-Night Kiss:
http://www.thenewgoodnightkiss.com/videos.html
Some of the information here is truly shocking.
But again, I’m not sure if this is just an isolated incident or perhaps something more endemic of our youth in large.
Either way really – it just ain’t good…
I’m with you on this, Faith, and for the exact same reasons.
I shave down there…it’s my choice, though, and I like it that way. As does my bf, but he wouldn’t make me…might really, really want me to trim/groom lol, but it’s my choice to be basically completely bare…
And oddly enough, my alters prefer it that way…although for most of them, it’s because I have so many young alters, that hair down there is like EWW NOT OLD ENOUGH rofl. So it helps them, too, just obviously not in er…sexual ways at all for them.
My wife prefers me partially shaved and she would do it herself except she always gets a rash. I personally agree that I find those who are completely shaved some what pre-pubescent, but I’d be careful about attributing one’s own perspective on ALL.
As for the public discussion of such matters, I watch a ton of TV with my wife’s little girls. Many of the shows they love have sexual situations that I would NEVER have allowed our son to watch, and yet with these girls I find it gives us a chance to discuss such matters. I want them to grow past seeing everything like a trauma victim would. I don’t agree with all the morals depicted in the sexual situations we see on tv, but I’m glad they have come far enough that they can disagree with something and yet not be triggered by it.
Sam
I have to be controversial here and say I don’t disagree in principle with there being trends of decorating your vulva with rhinestone, or shaving your hair, etc. To my mind this is just fashion and has been around since tribal times when we were putting bones through our noses etc. I actually think that the more open we are about these body parts, the more discussion there might be actually of how we have been hurt. For example, for a long time I mixed in the BDSM community and I had burnt my arm very badly in self-harm, leaving a huge scar. Someone in the community asked me if that was from an adult sexual ritual and because of their open-heartedness (very little being taboo and they were kind people) I explained it was self-harm, not part of a consensual adult sexual act of any kind. As a bisexual, I think it’s more common for lesbians to shave for the reasons of oral sex given above. My main abuser forbid me to shave my legs or armpits even as I was a late teen, presumably because the hair made me look childlike, so I might be more triggered by being hairy but actually it’s my choice to keep my hair for the same reason i wear flat shoes (more comfy!) I hope I’m strong enough now never to be pressured into conforming with any fashion…Anyway, I think alot of the BDSM community fashions e.g. piercing the penis, would be seen with shock and revulsion too quickly by people, what is totally key is the issue of personal choice and unfortunately fashion (even minority fashions within smaller groups) is always an area of peer pressure because people since time immemorial have wanted to look as though they belong. But in themselves, I don’t find any of these practices disturbing just as I don’t find the more extreme sexual acts, e.g. dripping wax onto the nipples etc disturbing SO LONG AS they are consensual and by free choice.
Agree entirely- if it’s a *personal* *choice*, then bravo. But it’s become that it isn’t. Here in the UK, the paper of record is The Times. A few months back (when I thought it might be possible to one day start having sex) I had a look at the sex advice column written in that paper by Suzi Godson, and her advice to someone in a not-so-dissimilar position to me of re-entering the dating market only to find the partners she’d come across being alarmed by her ‘growler’ was that “yeah, because of porn, that’s what’s expected these days, get on with it”.
Uh, no. I’ve accepted a bit of shaving/waxing (since I got PTSD even the movement of air on hairs on my legs is triggering), but pubic hair removal is to make one childlike which SHOULD NEVER be seen as ‘sexy’.
I have had the same thoughts. When people refer to “sculpting” down there, I think that is one thing. I don’t understand the total shaving though, and again, this is a personal thing. Honestly, I think most women would look like naked mole rats if they shaved! Especially us women in our “prime” (40′s). I’m not doing it. But it does seem too be a trend and going “eu naturale” is viewed almost as disgusting. Of course there are other trends I just don’t get either. Like things! (shaking head).
Well, each to themselves.
Lothlorien
I have been upset by having pubic hair since I was about 13, long before a trend began (I am 50). I have always had to remove it, and I don’t feel normal unless I do. I recently watched Who Will Love Me? and one of the female survivors plucks her hairs out, and it appeared to be a result of the abuse she suffered. She claimed she needed to feel clean and to remove evidence of anything happening. Just a thought, but I think mine is similar.
I completely understand the concern with pre-adolescent look and reed-thin women, and I have long had similar views — but with survivors of abuse, sometimes it can be coming from a different root.
Hi, Lisa.
I completely agree. We survivors have very different reasons for doing what we do. For example, I know a woman who was sexually abused by women. She keeps herself thin to minimize her breasts because breasts are triggering to her.
The difference between you and her is that you two are not trying to convince other people that this should be “the norm.” You have both made personal choices that work for you, which I 100% support.
My fear is that abusers are influencing societal trends toward women doing these things out of shame or conformity as a way of making sex with children seem more “normal.” If, as a society, sex with women who have no breasts or pubic hair becomes “the norm,” then sex with prepubescent girls will seem less abnormal.
- Faith
There’s a movement in the UK against this & against cosmetic surgery in the genital area, I’ve just learned through coverage of their “muff march” tomorrow:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/the-womens-blog-with-jane-martinson/2011/dec/08/muff-march-designer-vagina-surgery
The “trend” has made it all the way into high schools now. My ninth grader informed me last night that you are a weirdo if you don’t shave it all off. This is coming from a girl who is abstinent. These girls are not to blame. But somewhere there was a generation of men who found it a turn on to have sex with women who looked like little girls. And the women responded in turn by shaving it off. THAT is what I find disturbing.
Hello, I have been shaving my genitals since 1996. The reason for my shaving, less hair lol. I am not a fan of having any hair down there. I am a 37 yr old mom who had a right to choose to live this way without judgement. btw its not a new trend,people have been doing this for years especially strippers.
I have always found it to be cleaner down there when my girlfriends would shave or wax their pubic hair. I also shave completely for cleanliness. I do agree It kind of reminds me of prepubescence but I don’t really think of it that way. To me we all have the freedom to do what we want but until I stumbled across this blog I never really thought about what others are doing down there and really, I don’t mind pubic hair. A women is beautiful to me no matter what.
I was abused as a young boy and for me I never associated shaving with my encounters. But that’s jus me.
Hi Faith:
I stumbled upon this thread, and write only to point out that societal pressure to conform to this trend is not limited to females. I noticed it first in the naturist community about 10 years ago. Pubic hair started disappearing first among women, then among men. I confess to having succumbed myself to the pressure to conform, before returning to my natural hirsuteness some years later. I returned to a nude beach last summer that I had not visited in several years and found myself to be the only man with a natural, untrimmed pubic bush. I did fel a bit out of place. (Oddly and ironically, the naturist lifestyle is supposed to be all about following nature, i.e. what is natural.). But this is not limited to the naturist community. One can’t help but notice at my community mainstream gym that the vast majority of adult men younger than 50 or so (and quite a few who are older older) are either shaved or so closely trimmed that they might as well be–this is particularly true of younger men in their 20′s. I’ve even heard a couple who still had pubic hair being ridiculed by their workout “friends,” that they should “get rid of that gross stuff.” Personally, I’m not bothered by what others think. I like being natural and actually enjoy marching to a different drummer. But I pass no judgment on anyone for making their choice. It’s all good. But the pressure to conform appears so great as to rob many of the autonomy to be who they want to be. Just sayin”.
-Alex
Someone probably already covered this but I shave because I simply can’t handle looking like an adult women and potentially being physically attractive to others. I don’t want to be seen as sexual at all so in my mind getting rid of as many sexual things as possible is ‘safer’ hence my obsession with shaving pubic hair, looking as young as possible, using tampons as often as possible (so I don’t see and feel that I am having my period), as well as the urges to destroy my breasts and be skeleton skinny. Honestly it makes me angry that people are doing this to be attractive. It’s like nothing is safe and nonsexual any more. (although I was sexually abused as a little girl, I grew up assuming that it was only my dad who I would have to be afraid of if I looked like a kid whereas all of the other men on the planet were absolute monsters as soon as you looked like an adult)