Believe it or not, this is my 1,100th blog entry. I wish I had something brilliant to discuss to mark this milestone, but as you know, I am just grateful to have the energy to blog at all. Other than the doctor’s appointment and shuttling my kid to school and back, and I have pretty much lived in my bed for a week.
I took my kid to his school’s book fair yesterday before my doctor’s appointment and ran into my ex-friend’s daughter. She had seen me the day before when I was running a fever and asked how I was doing. I said I was heading to the doctor for a sinus infection.
That prompted her to share all that has been going on in her family. Apparently, her grandmother (ex-friend’s mother) is having hip replacement surgery, but her mother (my ex-friend) can’t really help because she has already been in the hospital once and now might need to have surgery. I have no idea what the reason is for either and did not think it was my place to pry.
Keep in mind that this information came from an 11-year-old child with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and this child has given me misinformation before. I don’t think it was intentional, but she can be a bit of a drama queen. Back when my ex-friend and I were still friends, her daughter told me that my friend was going to have back surgery, which turned out not to be true. My ex-friend had been told that back surgery was an option for her issue, but she decided against it because of the long recovery time.
I went through these feelings when my mother/abuser was in the hospital, and now I am dealing with them with my ex-friend. As someone recovering from dissociative identity disorder (DID), experiencing conflicting emotions is a relatively new experience. I used to deal with conflicting emotions by separating them into two alter parts. Problem solved. That’s not an option if I want to face life from a “singleton” perspective. Life is filled with gray issues that elicit feelings of ambivalence.
The bottom line is that I cannot allow my feelings of compassion to dictate my choices. I chose to end both relationships for logical reasons, and those reasons have not changed just because both women have experienced medical issues.
My heart does go out to my ex-friend because she doesn’t have many people in her life to take care of her if she is dealing with serious medical issues, doubly so if her mother is also having surgery. However, there is also a reason why my ex-friend has so few people in her life to help her out, and that is not my responsibility. I cannot change the big decisions in my life just because I am needed. The reasons I chose to leave both relationships have not changed. I just wish breaking off relationships was easier.
Photo credit: Hekatekris
” I just wish breaking off relationships was easier”
Me Too.
I have found that with all adversity including illness information is not accurate at all. Can go either way. Might be expressed as worse than it is or might be expressed better than it is. This carries over into when the adversity is over.
I really do try and be as accurate as I can, I am not afraid of black and white information and it is easier for me to deal with. Then I can deal with what is really gray.
I am finding people assume I am as inaccurate as they are and they filter what they say based on what they would say.
I try and take what information that is given to me and deal with that, Thing is people somehow have this imaginary understanding about what I know. It is a catch 22 if I accept what they say than I am dealing with fantasy and if I go with they are dealing with fantasy than I can not really take them seriously.
Good news is their are people who do not dwell in fantasy, Oddly enough those that seem to have at least a toe in reality seem to really know how to have fun.
With our work of late there is much separation of us. A kinda being separate so that we no longer are. In a very strange and perhaps only as it is new when we grieve a loss it is now more separate which is somehow more together.
When I have a loss which is what grieving really is for me it does not get as confused. I am close to losing someone who is important to me. Well that is the information I have right now. We are not close as in we are part of each others daily lives. We are just important to each other.
There is my loss in that how my life will change when they are gone. There is the loss of others that I know and they know the person who I am going to lose. There in this case is the world will be a tad less than it was with them gone,
There is no my loss is worse other than it has more of an effect on me, Somehow if I accept my loss than the other losses seem to be just a little less hard. One of the dynamics is that I feel harsh and non-feeling. Reality is I am just getting from point Z to point Y quicker. I have not lost my passion or humanity in a way I can express it more now as things are quicker.
I keep thinking eventually one of my ex friends will get real sick or die, and then what? How do you handle that? I’m not sure yet. I guess it depends on the personalities involved… but still it gives me pause, as I live in kind of a small knit community. (The issue being that there is no way I would just “not know”)
It feels petty to keep a grudge when a person is seriously sick or dead! However, what if it isn’t a grudge so much as a moving away from someone because they’ve changed or you have…? And it just doesn’t work anymore? Sigh. You have a good attitude about it. I am still feeling a bit wishy washy.
Peace,.
m
“I used to deal with conflicting emotions by separating them into two alter parts. Problem solved. That’s not an option if I want to face life from a “singleton” perspective. Life is filled with gray issues that elicit feelings of ambivalence.”
That is interesting – maybe that’s why my life is now riddled with indecision whereas I used to be the most decisive, impulsive person! Because i am taking more than one perspective into account (I just thought it was a symptom of depression).
Sorry for your current struggles and illness Faith, hope things get easier soon.