I learned this terminology from Ayn Rand’s book, Atlas Shrugged. I am paraphrasing her words – one of her characters says that there are no contradictions in life, so if you encounter a contradiction, question your premises.
I have been through this process numerous times and continue to do the reframing process today. As an example, most child abuse survivors have to challenge premises such as that the abuse was their fault or that they are worthless. A large part of therapy for child abuse survivors, particularly in the early months, involves the therapist challenging faulty premises such as these.
Because child abuse survivors have bought into these faulty premises for most of their lives, the reframing process can be difficult and scary. Challenging the very foundation upon which you have built your life is frightening, even when the foundation is harmful to you.
The good news is that challenging your premises is worth the effort because it results in clarity and greatly improves the odds of your energies actually resulting in the expected or desired results. As an example, before therapy, I had several people in my life who said they were my friends. I believed this premise and treated them accordingly. The problem was that they did not act like my definition of a friend. When push came to shove, they were not there for me when I needed them the most.
I become frustrated because my “friends” where not treating me like a friend. I finally reached a place of challenging my premise of them being “friends.” What if they were actually just acquaintances? When I reframed my categorization of these “friends” as “acquaintances,” their behavior made perfect sense.
Reframing my understanding of these relationships was painful because I had to awaken to the realization that I had very few friends in my life at a time that I really needed them. I also felt like an idiot for investing in these people as a friend when, in reality, they did not want me as a friend. This hurt deeply because I had been a good friend to them while they had been mere acquaintances to me. I experienced this reframing as a loss that I needed to grieve.
However, the process of reframing this area of my life was empowering because I could stop pouring energy into a dry well. I kept thinking that if I put more energy into being a good friend, I would get the results I needed (true friendship in return). Once I reframed these people as acquaintances, I stopped setting myself up for disappointment.
Tomorrow, I will share how I work through the process of reframing.
Image credit: Amazon.com
Completely fascinated and intrigued. Hurry and write more please please!
I tend to call them delusions. I will use false assumptions. Much of my path to healing was to unlearn the false prepositions of mental health and those in the mental health field. Those who have only had a few therapists likely are making the false assumption that treatment for trauma is substantially different than all other treatment for any DX. It is not. The catch phrases are all the same. You can only learn to cope, stay present, it is all about choices, this to will pass, temporary problem. just a thought, it is all about relationships to others, do yoga ect. The results as can be expected meet these false assumptions. that is why it “works”
I feel the mental health field tends to start treatment in a time of duress and anything better than that distress is seen as an accomplishment when the reality is the person would have done better with no treatment at all. Pretty much set low standards.
My healing did not start to become effective until I challenged the false assumption that a few classes in graduate school lead to any meaningful understanding of the effect of my life on me. Think about it, If it was that simplistic could you not have solved it on your own? Would’t the self help books eliminated all “symptoms” which I call results?
I really know nothing about DID my level of understanding is that of a mental health professional. I am a multiple. It is a false statement to say that multiplicity was changed to DID in the DSMV. Multiplicity was eliminated and DID which is more common replaced it.
I made the false assumption that it was all about the trauma for me. The reason was if I processed trauma than I healed. I do think that the trauma needed to be processed or I could not go further. I may need to believe this as I spent so much of my life processing trauma.
Sandwiched between two extreme horrors was a time when I was not abused. I did not dissociate from this experience anymore than a person who is in a car accident and loses consciousness dissociates from before and after the accident. A model of concussion and shock is as close as I can come and that does not allow for how often I was in extreme physical conditions and life threatening situations starting at birth.
A doctor took me out of the abuse as he saw I was close to death and I lived with his family for months. I thought and have commented often that I started creating people at age 3 1/2. I was incorrect as I did not know I had no contact with my FOO for a year and a half. I started creating different people when I was 5. Creating people is really mind over matter, positive thinking, living in the present etc. The 3 1/2 came from my family moved and I assumed I did also.
As always I am not saying that trauma can not result in DID I am only saying that it does not always and sometimes it results in multiplicity. Further if you are multiple most therapists and their standard treatment is harmful.
In general I feel an false assumption is made that most who have experienced trauma are in therapy and that therapy is readily available to most people. This leads to a narrow view and selection set.
I have been in much conventional therapy. It was not until I created unidirectional expressive therapy and unidirectional psychoanalysis that I was able to start to heal from my experiences.
That conventional therapy which I call punching pillow therapy is not appropriate for multiples I accept as fact until proven otherwise. The question for me is does punching pillows therapy work or it is really a matter of setting limitations on possibilities.
As always I write only should some one read who is in therapy and has the sense that perhaps the therapist’s false assumptions about the effects of abuse are in the way.
On a personal note last night one stated to express in a different way last night. We are going with what was experienced not what would be observed or thought to be observed. Not one came out, one took over, or I have stated to dissociate again. Reasonable to assume there are more that go with him. Rather than meditate them away we will give some time for our body to adjust to these now pathways in our brain and do what is good for this PTS body. All we have to do is discover what is now good for this PTS body and it is not the same as it was yesterday.
“A model of concussion and shock is as close as I can come and that does not allow for how often I was in extreme physical conditions and life threatening situations starting at birth.”
yes, they have no model for extreme,pro-longed violence. and arent even aware of it. there needs to be a massive re-frame bc the current frame is the size of a dot, or several dots if its a good therapist. All I need is to see the bigger picture.
Reality Strategy,
It really requires a beginners mind. I am OK with that most mental health professionals can not deal with trauma that does not at least in some way match the current of what trauma is. I am aware that the knowledge base is ever expanding and that is great as long as you happen to be in the expanded knowledge base.
I am no longer as angry simply as I have discovered a way to heal from the trauma that I experienced. I was able to discover a way in spite of not because of the understanding of trauma.
What I am not OK with is the belief that the mental health field as and understanding and any failure is the clients fault.
To be clear my discovered way of healing was done with the help of a therapist within the ethical standards of the mental health field. She did not get a lot of help from the mental health field at large.
Wonderful points. Lately, as part of reframing my own false assumptions, which for me is more like ripping the bandage off my bound and blinded eyes, I’ve been struggling what to do with exactly this issue. It used to really p*ss me off how violence by women is SOOOO extremely underrepresented in the mental ‘health’ field. For instance, the very definition of “child abuse”: it used to be defined differently by Public Health Canada (formerly a very female/feminist inspired organization) and Justice Canada. The former Public Health definition mainly defined child abuse as being hit or yelled at, or spoken critcally to. Good god – a good many of the survivors I’ve met would be THRILLED if that’s all that ever happened to them!!! The Justice Canada definition (an obviously more male influenced organization) was much better, and included the notion of terrorizing. Now (with a more conservative govt. in power) they’ve both been brought in line using the same definition.
But then I realized that neither of them included the worst kinds of abuse that so very many children suffer. Even with the more stringent definitions, the kinds of abuse that SO MANY adult survivors suffered – that brings them into treatment – ISN’T EVEN DEFINED by the very organizations that are supposed to be looking out for the welfare of children.
And don’t get me started on the training of mental ‘health’ professionals. The other painful reframing is realizing that I’ve spent all my retirement income (and more) on absolutely useless therapy – useless because all of my therapists danced around the issue of extreme violence and the possibility that parents – mothers in particular – could try to practice prolonged sadism, torture, personality annihilation &/or driving their children insane (or turning them into criminals). None of them have the ability to call a spade a spade, and their training gives them loads of tools to help them deny the reality of their patients. At least that’s been my experience.
Judith Herman has an article on trauma and memory; in it she says that not only the victim, but also the perpetrator and the bystanders have amnesia for violent incidents. I’m starting to see that the group which has the best ability to blank out the violence and abuse are the mental health professionals themselves, but I also can see in their professional literature an intentional reframing away from acknowledging violence. For instance, their absolute refusal to acknowledge the reasonings behind the campaign to rename PTSD to PTSI (post traumatic stress injury): http://www.posttraumaticstressinjury.org/
So, in order to achieve that “massive re-frame” “The Reality Strategy” mentioned, I think it will have to be survivors getting together and creating a groundswell ourselves, because I think there is too much vested interest in the MH professional orgs to keep it hidden. After all, if the truth were to come out, they might have to get their hands dirty treating the actual perpetrators, instead of having it easy perpetually pulling money out of the pockets of compliant victims.who meekly follow instructions, rather than the criminals who for sure would make them have to look violence in the face.
Woops, my cynical side got the better of me up there. Sigh, another rant…
Hey Birdfeeder,
Sorry out money was taken. I stopped counting at 1/;4 mil. years ago.
I have given up on the ground swell concept. It is just a matter of numbers. Cancer is given respect in the US. Reality is 70% of the people in the US get cancer and that is why it gets respect. It is shared.
I have grieved and accept that the trauma I experienced is not going to be acknowledged in my life time. It may sound harsh but I am yet to be impressed with what Syria is reported doing in there torture facilities. Sounds like US jails to me.
The newest and greatest in the extreme trauma field is attachment theory. There are some therapists that do deal with extreme trauma. They still only listen to each other. The best website I have found is Ellen Lacter’s You can google Ellen Lacter Stop Ritual Abuse Now. She has much information on this site. I am not sure she would be effective in being with me as I heal.
My therapist does not really treat me. What she really does is totally be there as I work out stuff. She understands she does not understand.
I can honestly say that the treatment I received was more damaging to me than the trauma. This treatment was the standard treatment that most people receive. It is the type of treatment that is most often referred to on this blog and in comments. It was not substandard it was standard.
Pretty much the fight to know it was not my fault or I was born this way was harder in treatment than outside of treatment. Although helping people heal has advanced it as only advanced with a few.
I have been to Mclean’s hospital often and in general they do not have any more of a clue than anywhere else.
Hey Birdfeeder, Hey Michael,
grateful for your comments, rants and all included!makes me feel less alone. tough topic for me, all I want to do is rant and rage as well. (Michael, good to hear you were able to grief and accept, I wish I was at that point). cannot believe there is no disclaimer on therapy. would have saved me a lot of second-guessing myself. the only institution where there is no disclaimer either: the church.what they got in common: they view themselves as god(-like), no disclaimer needed, they are above the law and causalities. all fault lies within the individual. I hate how this is another bfl I have to work thru to accept. I realised how all of this makes me feel: BETRAYED. thats something Im familiar with. I know I need to own my feelings of betrayal but right now I dont want to bc its just so raw. I think what is at the core is that I still betray myself in that I do not own my power. I gave it away to health professionals. If I had, I would have said”screw you, I got choices, and therapy isnt one of them.” at that time I didnt know I had and my therapist failed to see that I didnt know about choices.damn. or at least to decide consciously on therapy with a full understanding of what it can do and what not.
Such a good point about friendship amd premises here Faith. I too have made the mistake of assuming that someone was a good friend when actually they were no more than an acquaintance. I was a good friend to them but it was not reciprocal. I have readjusted my expectations and expect that things will be clearer and less painful to me.
If I reframe my friendships I’d come up up with mostly acquaintances.also. In fact my husband and I were just discussing how few real friends I actually have anymore. Seems I used to have scads…. Or did I…?
I can’t wait to hear more about how your process works. I need LOTS of reframing!
Thanks Faith.
peace,
m
Speaking of friends and reframing, I had an idea for a possible post. You may have already posted abou this, but, since survivors are so used to the people closest to them being abusive it messes with their ability to form healthy relationships. By that I mean many times we are attracted to and attract people who end up exploiting us in some way while we jump through hoop after hoop to be a good friend… that is till we wise up or get some counseling.
It really sucks and is just another nasty side effect of abuse.
Anyway, it’s a thought.
i think mia is asking the same thing i am wondering- any advice on how to find & form proper friendships? I do think you’ve posted on various aspects of this, but ‘how to make friends’ is such a difficult thing to cope with when your pattern for relationships is of abuse & non-trust that the dummies guide/blog based on what you’ve learned would be a great gift.
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[...] reframing or challenging the premises of the contradictions in your life. You can read the series here and [...]
Wonderful blog ~ clearly applies to me and the experience I’ve had with some so-called friends.
I also think Mia makes a good point in her post, above.
It takes such courage to write the material you write; I so admire you for it.
Keep up the great work, Faith !
[...] my blog entry entitled Reframing Process (Challenging Faulty Premises), a reader posted the following comment: Speaking of friends and reframing, I had an idea for a [...]
[...] Sadly, the refusal to recognize reality runs much deeper than in childhood. If that is where the self-delusions stopped, we might be able to process our child abuse in adulthood and then be done. That has not been my experience. I feel like I lived most of my childhood and the first 15+ years of adulthood “asleep.” Since beginning the healing process, I keep awakening to more lies that I need to unravel. I thought healing would only be about dismantling my childhood lies (it was my fault, I deserve to feel shame, etc.), but so much of my life – in just about every aspect – is filled with lies that help me avoid reality, which has had “disastrous consequences” because I do X, expecting Y, and Z keeps happening. This brings me back over and over again to challenging my premises. [...]