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Archive for November 12th, 2007

Scarecrow
Ever since Halloween came and went, I have been struggling emotionally. It is not a constant struggle, thank goodness, but I have definitely had my tough moments. I have noticed on my favorite message board for abuse survivors that a lot of my friends are struggling, too. I suspect all of this ties into our history of childhood abuse.

When you are a child living in an abusive household, the holidays are grueling. Your lifelines – your friends and teachers – are cut out of your life as you head home for the holiday break, and you are immersed in an abusive environment 24/7 with no hope of a reprieve until after the New Year. That’s tough for a kid.

To a certain extent, I still feel that way today, even though my household is far from abusive. My friends get busy with their own holiday plans, and I wind up feeling alone in my house. This triggers all sorts of terrible memories from childhood.

I found a way to make Christmas better last year by having my sister and nephews come for the holiday. I still have not figured out a way to make Thanksgiving more bearable. We have my husband’s family come for the meal, but they come and go in less than two hours, leaving me with a long weekend of trying to entertain my hyperactive child. But I digress…

Today is Veteran’s Day, which is yet another day that my kid is out of school. My husband is traveling – again – and that leaves me feeling lonely like I did as a child. I know I will get through the day. It just feels like a foreshadowing of the black cloud that seems to settle over me as the holidays approach.

I am trying to find a way to honor the sadness of my childhood as it applies to the holidays without making this my present. I have not quite figured out how to do it yet. I need to make it a priority to do yoga and meditation every single day. I need to give myself the room to grieve but then also find the joy, too. It’s going to be another long marathon until the New Year, so I guess I had better get started preparing for it.

Related Topic:

Approach of Easter and the Abused Adopted Child

Photo credit: Rosanne Mooney

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