As I shared last week, I did not post for several days because I took my son to Disney World. Boy, did we have a good time!
In addition to the fun of visiting an amusement park, I was able to celebrate an important phase of healing: I have overcome my phobia of airplanes! I am so relieved to finally put this behind me.
I have been phobic of riding in airplanes throughout my adult life. I do not remember it bothering me when I flew as a child, but I became anxious about it as an adult. I had recurring dreams about being in an airplane when it crashed. Just the thought of sitting in an airplane would cause me to feel deep anxiety.
I was obsessed with watching programs about airplane crashes. I remember watching a special called When Planes Go Down and memorizing all of the safety tips they shared. I wear jeans because they are more fire-resistant than other fabrics. I only wear sneakers because sandals could fly off my feet in a crash. I would count the number of seat backs from my row to the nearest emergency exit and commit the number to memory. That way, if I survived a crash, I could feel my way through the smoke to the exit.
I would tense up at lift-off and at landing because that it when most crashes happen. I would panic at any sign of turbulence. I was a complete wreck on an airplane, spending most of the time praying that I would be okay.
I did none of this on our flight down or back. I was completely calm. I was not worried a bit. Even when my son got concerned when we hit some turbulence, I was reassuring to him and truly did not worry about it. It is a miracle!
You might be asking how I got there. I did it through finally reaching a place where I know, at a heart level, that I am going to be okay. If I live, I will be okay, and if I die, I will be okay. I truly believe that the spirit lives on after death, so I have nothing to fear. Once you lose the fear of death, the rest is easy.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Blooming Lotus 
I still have this exact phobia. You are describing me to a T in this post. I used to have plane crash nightmares every night to every other night, but now usually I have a nightmare once a week about me (and now also my beautiful children and my hubby) crashing in a plane. The plane crash nightmares are my most terrible ones now that I am an adult. There are two recurring kinds that used to be my #1 nightmares as a child. I also still have those today, but they are largerly replaced by the plane crash nightmares. Those other nightmares involve me being chased/hunted down to be murdered, and my loved ones not believing me and/or being direct accomplices in trying to chase me and kill me. The other kind is my loved ones trying to lock me up for life, in prison, an experimental type of clinic (lab rat type) or some of that sort.
Do you really think the plane crash phobias/nightmares could be related to my abuse? If so, how do you think they are related…I really have no clue what the plane crash is trying to tell me. I worry that it’s some kind of bad omen waiting to come true.
The dream is definitely not an omen. Dreams are your subconscious’ way of working through the trauma.
Your plane dream might have two origins. One is that is can be a metaphor for the lack of control you felt throughout your life. Transportation dreams often have to do with the direction of your life. Driving a car shows feeling more in control to riding in a train. You have no control whatsoever when you are riding in an airplane, so your phobia of airplanes could tie into this.
I truly believe that I died in a plane crash in a prior life and that fed my phobia of dying in a plane crash. I believe in reincarnation. Once I accepted that I already died in a plane crash and am still okay today, my fear of flying left me. It was pretty powerful.
As for the other dreams — those definitely tie into the trauma. I, too, had multiple nightmares of being hunted down. This was about me trying to protect myself from the abuse. I knew that I was healing when I started fighting back in the dreams.
Locking you up can symbolize the way you were forced to lock away who you really were in order to survive the abuse.
Take care,
– Faith