In my last post, Having an Emotional Flashback, I shared that I struggled with an emotional flashback yesterday. I think it was related to my deceased father’s birthday passing. Whatever the reason, yesterday was a challenging day for me.
After I wrote the post, I watched the series finale of my favorite television show, “Gilmore Girls,” because I knew it would make me cry. It did. I felt a little better after shedding some tears, even if they were for my “friends” in Stars Hollow rather than for myself.
Today I have been doing a little better, but it is still hard. I still feel deep sadness inside. I also received some disappointing news today, which doesn’t help. In the case of the disappointing news, it is probably for the best and simply a redirection, but it was still lousy timing.
One lesson I need to learn is how to “be” with the painful emotions. That is not an easy lesson for me, but it is a necessary one. I spent my life compartmentalizing my emotions so I would not have to feel them. They finally exploded out of me during the very intensive healing process. I have never learned moderation with my feelings. I just want to avoid the bad feelings. (Can you blame me?)
However, emotions are a part of the human condition. They need to be felt and expressed. The key is learning how to sit with them for a while, knowing that even when you feel lousy, they will pass. Emotions are transient. No matter how good or how bad you feel at this very moment, your state of mind is going to change.
My struggle is allowing myself to feel the emotions without attaching myself to them. I either want to fight them or wallow in them (if that makes sense). I have not yet learned how to “sit” with them and allow them to pass.
A friend told me that emotions are like water passing through a fire hose. She said that I am the hose, not the water, so no matter how much water pressure I feel, I don’t have to follow the flow of the water. I am trying to remind myself of this as I practice allowing myself to observe and feel the emotions without attaching to them.
Related Topic:
Trauma Thursday: Teach Traumatized Adopted Child to Express his Feelings
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Blooming Lotus 