Archive for February 26th, 2008

Chapel (c) Lynda BernhardtIn my last post, Where Was God When I Was Being Abused?, I shared that healing from my history of child abuse led me on a quest to understand who God is and where He fits into the picture of the abuses that I suffered. In this post, I will share the answers that I found to my questions from a Christian perspective. In my next post, I will get into where my faith journey has led me beyond this.

After spending a lot of time searching for answers about where God was, I concluded that God was always there, watching my pain and grieving that He ever made people who could be so cruel. The Bible is filled with instructions to protect the widow and the orphan – those who were the least protected in society at the time. God instructs His followers to be His “hands.” Unfortunately, the people in my life failed to do this. The people in my life are the ones who let me down.

Also, nowhere in the Bible is there a promise of Heaven on earth. Jesus was very clear that in this world we would have trouble, but take heart because He has overcome the world. (See John 16:33.) Most of the people who had the strongest faith suffered. So, being abused is not a breach of some sort of promise that God made. Nowhere in the Bible is there a promise that God will prevent abuse.

In the Bible, God usually intervenes through instructing humans do to something, and humans have free will. I believe that God nudged people to intervene to protect me, but they chose not to listen. However, God also nudged other people to offer me hope, and they did. If they had not, then I would not be the person I am today. I would not have warmth and compassion without having known it from loving teachers and others who showed me kindness. I believe that those kindnesses were gifts from God.

Also, God made me strong. I believe that He knew what I was being born into, so He gave me the gift of dissociation, and He made me with a very strong will to live. He also gave me the gift of healing, which was Jesus’ first job description – the healer of broken hearts. (See Isaiah 61:1 and Luke 4:18.)

So, I have found a way to make peace with my view of God and where He fits into my Christian understanding of who God is. Because I was so broken, I experienced deeper healing than most people will ever know. Because I have experienced deeper healing, I have a much deeper appreciation of God’s power.

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Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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