Archive for April 3rd, 2008

Microscopic View (c) Lynda BernhardtContinued from here.

I did a lot of healing work last night. Not really work – more like sitting back and trusting the system to do what it needed to do. It started with my body releasing many body memories – lots of body jerks and such. Then, one after another part surfaced and was relieved to see that they were in a safe place. I reminded each that they were in an adult body. One had trouble believing this, so I had her look at my hand and see that it was an adult’s hand. I didn’t try to communicate with them other than to reassure them that they were in an adult body and that they were safe. I did talk with one who has a lot of resentment toward Faye – Faye got to be the goodie two shoes while this part had to take so much abuse. But I assured her that Faye needs to be appreciated just as much as all the others because she helped us to survive.

After about 45 minutes of this, I told the parts that, if we are to heal, the body needs rest. I felt the flower fold back into a bud, and I was left with Faye – not as Faye but with Faye. And I was able to comfort Faye in a way that I hadn’t been able to before. After seeing the whole, I knew that Faye was just a part. Faye’s devastation is real and needs to be grieved and comforted, but it is not the whole of me. I have a broader perspective on the whole thing.

I am no longer in an identity crisis. For the first time in my life, I know who I am. I am a survivor. I am the little kid who faced all sorts of terrors and found a way to survive. I am somebody who is resilient and cannot be broken. I am the sum total of all of the parts – anger, grief, rage, terror – but I am also much more than that. I am funny, strong, capable, compassionate, smart, resourceful, and wise. But this is really a list of attributes, and who I am runs so much deeper than a list of personality traits. I am a soul, a spirit, a body, a being. I exist – there is so much power in existing. I am me, and I guess that says it all.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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