Archive for April 4th, 2008

Red Leaves

This week, I have been sharing my personal story with integrating from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). After integration, I went through a bit of an identity crisis. I was not quite sure “who” I was. My birth name was Faye Anne. My parents called me Annie until I was seven, when Annie (my original inner child) “went to sleep” to avoid the abuse. Then, I took the name Faye. Through using the name Faith online, I came to feel a connection to that name, and that name seemed to apply to the integrated me. I also had a fourth name that I had always used to soothe myself to sleep at night. That name fit, too.

So, after I integrated, I felt like a “nameless” person. None of the names really “fit” anymore. I have read that some abuse survivors choose a different name to define the “new” them after healing. I really did not want to go around to my friends, my son’s teacher, etc. and tell them to start calling me a different name now. So, I decided just to suck it up and stick with Faye because that was the name everyone already called me.

My spiritual journey through yoga and meditation brought an end to the identity crisis. As I have shared before, I have grown to believe in reincarnation. Accepting that I have been here many times before under many different names resolved the issue for me. It really does not matter what name I go by because my name does not define me. I transcend any name or label.

So, I am now comfortable with being called Faye in my off-line life and Faith in my on-line life. They both fit, but neither define me.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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