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Archive for April 22nd, 2008

Sarah WiesAbuse survivor Sarah Wies is going to be skydiving on Saturday to raise awareness about sexual violence. Yes, I said skydiving. She is a braver woman than I am!

She is skydiving as part of Operation Freefall to raise funds for the charity Speaking Out About Rape (SOAR). I have sponsored her in this event, and I invite you to do the same.

Here is what SOAR will use the money for:

  • Extend efforts to provide prevention, recovery, and prosecution information to tens of millions of people, including your community, each year.
  • Expand SOAR’s programs to educate lawmakers, police officers, students and the media about sexual assault.
  • Enhance SOAR’s programs to empower victims of sexual violence.
  • Enhance local services for survivors of sexual violence.

– From Speaking Out About Rape, Inc.® (SOAR®)

If you are interested in sponsoring Sara, you can do so here.

Photo credit: First Giving

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Looking out over ocean (c) Lynda BernhardtIn my last post, Lack of Social Graces After Child Abuse, I shared my frustration with not knowing many basic social graces thanks to my history of being raised in an abusive environment. In this post, I would like to go into more depth about the ways that social graces are hard for me. I hope that by sharing this about myself, it will help you to feel better about your own frustrations in this area.

In many ways, I just want to be a normal person. My therapist says that I will never be “normal” (in a good way) because I have many gifts and talents that preclude me from being “normal.” That is all well and good, but it would be nice not to feel like a buffoon in social situations.

For example, I have a phobia of Russian nesting dolls thanks to a particularly savage gang rape that involved them. When my son was a toddler, I took him to the local library for story time. The librarian pulled out a Russian nesting doll, and I started to feel intense anxiety. She started to open the doll, and I had to leave the room. Fortunately, I was there with a neighbor who knew about my phobia (but not the intensity or cause), so she watched my son while I had a panic attack in the bathroom. It’s kind of hard to blend in when you hyperventilate around an inanimate object like that.

I know several people who love gardening. Also, my son’s school has “gardening days” where parents come in and plant flowers around the campus. I cannot do it. I just say, “I don’t do gardening,” and let people think that I am a little princess. However, the truth is that getting dirt under my fingernails is extremely triggering to me because it reminds me of being buried alive and having to claw my way out of the dirt. There is no smooth way to work that into a conversation.

Nobody likes to feel like she doesn’t fit in. I often feel this way in groups, especially when I am around people who do not know about my history. I hate sidestepping the fact that I have not been in contact with my mother/abuser in 4-1/2 years without getting into why. Most people look down upon a person who is not in contact with her mother, assuming that she is an ungrateful jerk.

It’s hard. Yes, I have done an enormous amount of healing work. However, there are some things that I will never have that most people do, and that’s hard. It is yet one more thing that I need to grieve.

Related Topic:

Warped Reality of the Abused Adopted Child

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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