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Archive for April 25th, 2008

Candle This week, I have been talking about feelings of not fitting in. Most child abuse survivors can relate to the feelings of isolation and “not fitting in.” I have talked about how lousy it feels in great detail. Now I want to talk about how to overcome this.

What I have found is that, if I am at peace with myself, then the opinions of others do not matter. I achieve this by learning how to love and accept myself as I am. No, I am not perfect, but neither is any other person on the planet. It is okay for me to make mistakes. I have to tell myself this repeatedly because “being perfect” and meeting everyone else’s expectations was drilled into my head as a child. I must continuously remind myself that it is okay for me to mess up.

Doing yoga and meditation has been instrumental in helping me learn how to love myself. I have found that, through meditation, I can access a source of unending love. I can get my need to be loved and accepted filled by tapping into that unending source of love.

I have also chosen to stop the internal mental chatter in which I repeat my faults. Instead, I replace those messages with positive ones, such as, “I love you. You are safe. I’m sorry.”

As I meet this need to feel loved within myself, I enter into my social relationships with a very different perspective. Instead of seeking ways that others can fill my emptiness, I look for ways to give back to others out of the abundance of love and acceptance inside of myself. People are drawn to sincere caring and compassion, so I wind up never being alone.

How well does this work? It has been very effective for me for the most part. However, if I get lazy with doing yoga and meditation (as I have lately), then the abundance turns into emptiness again, and then I find myself vulnerable to the opinions of others. What’s worse is that I find myself getting triggered by a meaningless statement and blowing it up into all of the insecurities that I battled throughout most of my life. The key is to ground myself again, through yoga and meditation, and keep reminding myself that I love myself. As long as I love and accept myself, then the opinions of others are irrelevant.

Related Topic:

Warped Reality of the Abused Adopted Child

Photo credit: Faith Allen

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