Most people are familiar with at least the concept of a visual flashback. A person with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) relives a traumatizing event by “seeing” the event take place again. Fewer are aware that flashbacks come in many other forms, such as emotional flashbacks. I have talked about non-visual flashbacks on my blog, but I would like to address the body memory form of a flashback today.
The brain is not the only part of the body that retains memories of trauma. Every cell of our bodies has the capacity to remember trauma. For example, most people have heard about amputees who continue to feel sensations from the missing limbs. Having a part of the body amputated is traumatizing to the body, and the cells of the body react by having their own form of flashbacks called “body memories.”
If you do not know what a body memory is, then it can be very scary to have one. That used to happen to me a lot. I feared I was going crazy until my therapist explained what was going on.
For example, I would be lying in my bed at night, and I would feel my body being raped. I would not be experiencing a visual flashback at the time. I would just feel the trauma of a rape and not know what to do with it.
Frequently, I would experience body memories after the initial visual flashback. For example, after recovering the memory of an oral rape, I would feel the aftermath in my throat. Or after recovering the visual flashback of an animal rape, I would feel the sensations of that rape in my body.
Body memories can be terrifying, and they make you want to claw your way out of your skin to stop feeling them.
In order to heal from a body memory, you must do the opposite of what you want to do – You need to let your body release the memory. Just like with visual flashbacks, you will only be haunted by them while you fight them. After you release them, your body no longer feels the need to experience them.
Releasing a body memory is not fun. You must surrender to the awful feelings and allow your body to feel really badly for a little while. However, if you talk yourself through them, then they will no longer plague you. Tell yourself that you already survived the abuse, so you can survive the memory. Be loving to your body and tell it that you are sorry that it endured so much abuse.
It helps if you can connect back the source of the memory to the traumatizing event. This gives the body memory a context and helps you move past the need to continue experiencing the body memory.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Blooming Lotus 
Your post resonated with me, as I have had the same. I wrote a post about your post here.
Take care,
Emily
http://emilyfirstgirl.wordpress.com/2008/05/25/comment-emotional-flashbacks/
Thanks!! :0)
– Faith
is it normal to have muscle jerking with body memories? sometimes my abdomen jerks during a painful body memory. I know its happening but I cant make it stop.
I have discovered it’s possible to have a pleasurable body memory as I have experienced this myself. My theory is that the body memory is linked to extremely high emotional experiences; both good and bad.
That is good to hear. I have not experienced this, but it sounds wonderful to get to “repeat” a good experience. :0)
– Faith
Body memories are my biggest problem in going forward with recovery. I experienced similar abuses as you, Faith, and they reoccurred repeatedly over many years -starting in infancy. They got conditioned in, and mixed up with basic beliefs about myself, and also got associated with positive ego states. Suffice it to say that for me good feelings trigger bad body memories exceedingly fast. I know that I need to ride the wave of the body memory to get it released – I have done that with other kinds of body memories – but some -like oral sensations- just won’t release. Got any tips for those really stubborn ones?
My best tip is to be patient with yourself. I am so bad about pushing myself to the limit. Perhaps the “stubborn” ones simply need more time for you to process. Perhaps as you are able to heal other body memories, you will gain confidence for healing the most wounded parts of yourself.
Take care,
– Faith
The body memories are easily the hardest thing ive found about my recovery so far. Because ive found they bring up other issues for me. Like they make me feel like im going crazy, and also make me question my sexuality. I will feel alot better about doing all this once these are processed – although i know theres no guarantee.
Yet again your post is spot-on. I find the surrendering bit hard , as it goes against everything ive ever done!
Im having a strange experience at the moment, and just wanted your opinion on it. My whole right arm feels disconnected from teh rest of my body. When i go walking the rest of my body moves without thought, but to move my right arm is a real effort – so i end up leaving it.
Any thoughts?
BTW it hasnt always been like this, until recently.
Have you ever done any Reiki? I used to track my progress through Reiki. Both the Reiki master and I could “feel” where I was disconnected inside. When I first started doing Reiki, I could only feel energy in the top of my body (shoulders up). As I continued to heal through self-love, I gradually moved back into the rest of my body. Now when I have a Reiki session, I can feel the energy everywhere.
I wonder if this ties into what is going on with you. Perhaps your right arm is where you are “storing” some of your memories that you have not worked through yet, and that is causing it to feel disconnected.
– Faith
Thanks for the reply.
Ill have to google that and read up about it.
I know this much – Previous to me breaking down ( and becoming aware ) i used to regulary straighten my right arm while clenching my fist in a very forceful way – this would be a regular thing. Was this my bodies way of pushing the memories down or keeping a lid on them?
Could that by why it now feels dis-connected? Because it no longer has to do that? Just thought there might be a connection there!
Ill google Reiki anywayz and maybe get a book 🙂
Thanks for your site. I don ‘t know why in all this time (21 yrs) I never thought about googling rape and particularly body memory. I have had good success with a psychotherapy modality called Eye Movement Resolution and Desensitization, but the body memory is the worst part of it. Even after all of my therapy, I still deal with the body memory in a number of places in my body, basically any part that was touched or injured during the rape. I did not have childhood issues, but I was teaching school in a men’s prison and was sexually assaulted on my lunch hour and no one found me. It’s a long story, but the journey toward healing is long. I find massage very helpful but even once I’ve released a body memory it’s never gone for good. I’m going to check into the Riekki you mentioned. Thanks for the good you’re doing having this website. I help a French female rape victim in France via the internet so this ability to communicate with other victims helped. Cheryl
Thanks for talking about a subject that is sort of hard for non survivors to understand. I have had body memories for years and they have gotten less frequent since I’ve gotten close to God through Jesus Christ. The hardest part of my abuse to heal has been spirituality. I was abused by both parents and a group of people including a priest and a nun. Seems like the worst kind of flashbacks are prior to the memories where I feel terror of something unknown. What I go through trying to keep from having a memory is sometimes worse than actually going into the memories. I have what is similar to MPD termed Dissociative Identity Disorder and have had over 50 personalities that have integrated over the years. Still have much healing but I thank God for getting me through the horror of actually remembering what happened. Having no memory of what happened seems like a better choice than healing but I want to live instead of being dissociated and numb. Thanks for all your info on flashbacks and body memories on your blog. I have made a couple videos that are on my blog. I love to make graphics. That has helped me when I need to just kind of get away from my identity as a survivor of abuse. I want to be more than my abuse or a person who is affected and triggered by almost everything most of the time.
I had a very rough day and I just feel exhausted after flashbacks and crying so much. I needed to look at your blog to remember to remind myself that I had already survived. Flashbacks can feel so here and now. Thanks for your blog.
Blessings
Sharri
I think I am experiencing body memories. They are so painful. I can’t put words onto them but my body just feels overcome with….I don’t know…a feeling that I can’t survive…that I can’t tolerate…ultimately I do survive and tolerate but at the expense of my functioning. Today I met with my therapist as a body memory involving fear came to the forefront and I’m so mad at myself for resisting the work she was trying to get me to do…to move towards it. I read what you wrote about letting it come and experiencing it and cataloging it appropriately…as a memory. I’ll try to be gentle with myself and move towards it next time. Thank you for your posts.
Wow, I’m speechless right now… to have finally found a site/blog with others that are experiencing body memories…It took me a week or so to realize that the pain I’m feeling all through my body is memory (no wonder the pain meds wouldn’t help), my breathing and feeling smothered…ack!!! It’s memory and last night I realized I just have to relax and let it happen… that’s the only way I’m going to get through this.
Thank you for your blog site… and thank you to everyone on this thread for helping me to see I’m not alone with body memory.
dee
I thought I knew what had brought me into therapy, I understood the impact of the childhood abuse on me and needed to express feelings about the events – but the experience of body memories has been a shock. The problem with body memories is the difficulty in giving them meaning. My therapist thinks that my body memories are very early memories which have no words attached to them – for me I find it difficult then to not berate myself and label the body memories as attention seeking behaviour. Of late the memories have developed in intensity and I have a reflexive response where I repeatedly hit my face; this has now woken me in the night – I don’t know what triggers it. Reading what other people have written is very reassuring especially the inability we have to describe the extent and power of these horrendous emotions. However believing that this will ever get better is something I struggle with –
I have had these ‘fits’ a few times where my body shakes, and it is hard to stop it. it always starts in my right leg, and then my right hand and moves to my body and then my head jerks a few times. I have been working with someone who believes they are body recalls of sexual abuse when I was younger. They only occur when I am talking about my dad. I have no specific memory of sexual abuse, but I know that I do not miss my dad from my life at all. (I haven’t seen him for 5 years). AFterwards I feel really out of my body and rather vulnerable in the world. Sometimes they happen at night. Once or twice it has happened to lesser degree when I have been sexually intimate with a man. And it also happened when I did rebirthing. It happened yesterday when I was in a counselling session with my mum. My mum was denying that dad could ever have done that and my body went into this state again. It really shocked them both. My speech dulls during and after the shaking, It is like I’ve had a stroke and it is really hard to talk properly. I speak really slowly. I want to know if anyone else experiences this?
I am not certain I was abused by my dad, but I am certain that my body is trying to tell me something, and I am certain that I don’t want to see my dad anymore.
I would like to hear of anyone who has experienced similar. I know I am not a nut job. In all other ways I am a relatively normal middle class girl.
Hi Leaf,
A few nights ago, I experienced a very similar thing, with the shaking starting in my right leg, then moving across to my left leg. That lasted about 20 minutes. I’ve suspected for years that something happened to me as a child, but I have no memory of it. I always thought that maybe everyone feels this way. Did you resolve this? I’m working with a counsellor now for problems with anxiety, but don’t feel ready to bring this up with him yet…
I came across your site whilst looking for articles on body memory. I am a psychotherapist working with psychodrama and action methods.
As the body holds on to memories that we are often not aware of it can be difficult, even after working with talking therapies, to change our responses. Action methods work through the body to enable us to change the way we respond to past events, or even the way we respond to the thoughts of future events.
I believe that at some level we all know what it is that we need in order for healing to take place. During action based therapy the body is encouraged to speak, to give the protagonist and the director clues as to what is underlying the emotional and physical responses. Once the origin of the trauma has been brought to awareness it is then possible to give the body a positive and healing experience that can be remembered and brought into conciousness.
If anyone wishes to know more I suggest googling psychodrama, action methods or contacting me. I will be happy to help in any way possible.
Hi, thank you for your blog and the trauma thursday posts. It is for the forst time that I find someone really talking about the stuff. I have always thought that these experiences must be common, but nobody really dared to adress them.
I have a question- I know about body memories. But I don’t get how to process them. When I try to work through them, I end up just being stuck. They come back again from time to time but they never seem to change. It was good to learn how to “manage” them. But it’s really starting to get on my nerves that I can’t seem to be able to change them. I’m working on this for almost 20 years and have been in therapy. How exactly do you do it? Any tips?
I’m not sure what I think to this. I wasn’t abused as a baby, so I might seem ignorant. Anyway, when I was six months old, I was in a cot in a spare room at my grandparents’ house. My memory; My parents and grandmother walk into the room I’m in in my cot and discuss a blind. I don’t remember what was said, but I see them talking, and I know that they are wanting to put a blind up. My grandmother says that it will not look nice and doesn’t agree. That’s the end of the memory. I told that memory to my mother a few years back, saying I thought that it was a weird dream. That was when she told me my age and that I was six months old. I DISTINCTLY remember exactly where I was in that room, and where they were standing. I couldn’t talk, but I don’t have a “body memory” of this. I remember this as though I am watching from my cot, as I actually was on that day. I have another memory where I was severely burned at about 1 year old by boiling water on my arm. My arm went all bubbly and gross. I don’t have body memories of that, either.
I really don’t know why I wrote so much. I guess that I’m just confused. I don’t see how cells in your body could “remember” a traumatic event. Surely it’s just your brain making you feel as though you can feel things that are not there (like a memory)? I doubt that there is any way that your non-neurotic cells could feel things that aren’t there, unless you have some kind of physical issue. Surely all of this is just psychosomatic and acts as a way for your mind to try to cope with what has happened?
I was just wondering if you are a point in your healing that the body memories have ceased or dissipated in the level of pain? What does further down the road of recovery look like? Thank you!
This guy (Jonathan Tripodi) has been working to release body memory for over 15 years, and created his own technique to do so. He’s recently written a book about his personal journey, you can see it here. http://www.freedomfrombodymemory.com/
[…] started having sexual abuse/rape body memories last week (see Faith’s blog if you don’t know what I’m talking about). Actually, I’ve been having them for […]
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
Good post on body memories. I don’t know that I agree about the cells holding memory because the cells we have now are not the ones we had then. I believe that it is in my mind…but manifested in the body. It is one of the subconscious (or in the case of a multiple…of an insider) communicating an aspect of a traumatic event.
My flashbacks are mostly the emotional kind and boy can they hit hard. But I have had some body memories, too.
What is really hard is when the body seems to betray you during the abuse and responds favorably to something that should NOT be happening…as in incest…or porn filmin… or bestiality…or prostitution…or even in sexual torture. In those (thankfully rare) instances when something triggers the memory of an event and my body starts to respond…again…in a pleasurable way…it is really hard. It is especially hard when the way out of the flashback is through the flashback because I feel like I am a sicko to be feeling this way in the first place.
That is when I especially need to recognize that the body will do what it is designed to do and my abusers/torturers KNEW that and used that against me. Thanks a lot, mom. Thanks a lot, dad. Thanks a lot, all the rest of you abusers! Blech!
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
I really liked this article. It explained body memories really well and put things in a great context. i have been experincing lots of body memories but they seem to come and go. They appear to be triggered by present day traumas. They overtake my body and hence makes it difficult to work through.
I had an experience over the weekend where “body memories” came up during an intense intimate experience. My partner tells me they are “body memories.”
I do not believe I was sexually abused. I do not believe I was physically abused. My mom was horribly physically and sexually abused and a multiple. And growing up with her was not easy.
And all my life I have tried to figure out if I was abused in any way, due to some odd reactions I have had here and there over the years……..
So, how does one WORK ON body memories if you have NO IDEA what they are connected to?!?
Thanks…….
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
I’m not entirely sure how I stumbled across this page but you story has given me possible hope for my issues. You and some of those who have commented above have been through awful things and I cannot begin to imagine the horrors you have experienced. For me I seem to “developed” a fear of tunnels which is more than a bit problematic when my quickest and most reliable way to get to work is by taking the Tube (the subway in London, UK).
Over the past few days I have been thinking that I never used to like going through the tunnels/tubes that were put out for kids to play with when I was probably around three to six or seven years old. But as I grew up it seems I put that fear to the back of my mind and up until this summer when I had an MRI scan (this involves lying on a bed that travels in and out of a tube that makes internal scans) I’d take the Tube all across London with no issues whatsoever, however I’m really struggling now to do my usual twenty minute journey. I’m not sure if there was any particular experience that initially scared me but just reading this post has made me realise that if you can learn to face the issues you have then maybe I’ll soon learn to face my fears head on.
Thanks for posting this, your posts are truly inspirational.
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
Hi. When I got divorced in 1990, I began seeing a psychologist to help me with the loss. I lost my husband (he had an affair), my son (ex in-laws took me to court 3 times to make that happen), my home .. not in that order .. so, I went to a psychologist to help me cope. I saw him weekly for a little over a year. Not once did he bring up the topic of child abuse (physical, psychological or sexual) … I directed the conversation, mostly. It was in 1991 that I started having flashes of “something” and flashes of similar things in my dreams. I have dismissed these as insane, perverted, twisted thoughts on my part. Briefly, these images, flashes and dreams involved my dad, uncle and their friends sexually abusing me. I have had no real memories of that ever happening, till Sunday Feb 13th. Also, over the recent past years, when laying in bed at night, if I lay on my back, I would have the sensation of being penetrated, groped, probed repeatedly by several men. I had come across a few sites about child sexual abuse and they encouraged that if you suspect it happened, even without memory of it, it likely did happen. Also, to start writing down the details of those images, flashes, dreams, etc. So, that’s what I did yesterday. When I went to bed last night, I thought I was going mad! As I lay there, it felt like I was repeatedly being gang raped by my dad, uncle and others. I felt all sorts of things that were just creepy and it wouldn’t stop. When I closed my eyes, I kept seeing myself being forced to give oral sex to a woman, while the men used my other end. I was feeling the repressed memories that surfaced these past 2 days. I was always drugged in these sessions, with a shot that knocked me out (age 12 to 14). The shot that I got from 15-17, put me into a hazed high and compliant, obedient. When they were done, I would get another shot that put me to sleep. That’s the sum of the six memories that surfaced. The term “body memory” was in the online reading I did yesterday (Monday), and I wanted to learn about what that was. I found this site. I see now, that I am not going nuts. The surfaced memories are real, as my body memories matched them and what I have only suspected, till now. I was raped when I was 16 and the rapist laughed upon penetration, saying, “Why you struggle? You’re not virgin!” .. there was no discomfort when he entered me, there was no blood from my hymen being broken. Which, sadly confirms that my remembered repressed memory of my dad taking my virginity while on my first period (12 y/o), were real. I told this to my husband, and he commented, that taking my virginity while on my period would hide any evidence of the rape my dad did. How could these parties have gone on for so long, without my mom or brother being aware of them? Were they getting knock out shots, too? I don’t know what to think. I am in shock, numb, confused and still feeling like I am crazy & twisted for these memories. I do recall, once, when I was living with my dad and his new wife, him saying to me, “I am ashamed of how we raised you. Your mother and I ought to be shot!”… “Well, maybe not your mother, but definitely, me”… I never understood that statement of his, till yesterday. If the memories are real, than yes, he should be shot! I need some useful feedback about this from those who have similar experiences as these. What I remembered, is mind-spinning and freaking me out right now. There’s more to it, than what I put in this post. But, I just wanted to write a kind of summation of what I remembered these past few days.
Hi, Sandi.
I am sorry for all that you have been through and for all that you are going through now as you heal from it. This part of healing is very intense. I strongly suggest that you find a qualified therapist with experience working with survivors of severe child abuse. The “Survivor to Thriver” manual was also very helpful to me during the early stages of healing:
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/survivor-to-thriver-manual/588019
Take gentle care of yourself.
– Faith
Hi Faith,
I am feeling the need to share with others, my journal entries about this. I am not ready to be face-to-face 1 on 1, with a therapist with this. The journal is lengthy, but may I share this here? I feel safer and more comfortable right now, with the anonymity of this group.
Hi, Sandi.
Sure — you are welcome to share here. :0)
– Faith
Hi Faith,
Thank you for this post on body memories. The first time it happened to me I thought I was going insane.
This week I had a night where I felt like my body was being violated, and the next day I had bruises.
I was sobbing in my therapist’s office and I said “If I had literally just been assaulted, no one would expect me to put on a happy face and go to work and pretend nothing happened”. Then he said “But that is what you have always done, even since you were a little girl”.
My thought in that moment was “yes, life has to go on, it doesn’t stop for my pain”. But then, I thought about those words later on. I was doing to my adult self exactly what I had been done by my mother to my child self. Forcing me to get up and go to school, no matter what had happened the night before.
I cried hard when I made the connection, and I have promised my inner child that the next time I experience bad dreams, flashbacks, or just an emotionally fragile time, I would take at least a half day off from work to honor what I had suffered. So today, I did just that. I used half a vacation day to just be gentle with myself and love on myself and show respect and compassion toward the part of me that still hurts.
It is about time that I stop continuing the abuse by learning how to love myself completely.
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
Help. My wife was a victim of sexual abuse and now almost always finds lovemaking distressing…so that she often freezes -despite my being sensitive. She spent years in conventional therapy but without much benefit -so that she is now reluctant to seek further outside help. This makes me feel worthless and she feels like some kind of cheat. What can I possibly do to help?
Hi, Pran.
Several readers have recommended the book “The Sexual Healing Journey:”
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060959649?ie=UTF8&tag=bloolotu-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0060959649
The book encourages healing the body first in nonsexual ways, such as rediscovering the joy of feeling sand beneath your feet. Until she can feel safe in her body and enjoy being in her body without the “threat” of sex, she is unlikely to enjoy sex. You could both read this book and then do the non-sexual exercises together first. This will help her build up her trust in her body and in you.
I know it’s hard for you to believe, but it really isn’t about anything that you have or have not done. Your wife’s ability to enjoy sex is yet another casualty of the child abuse.
– Faith
I am so grateful for this post and all of the comments. It makes me feel that I am not crazy. I have been going through these “body memories” for about 2 1/2 years now. (or I guess I should say since I started identifying what they were) And I cannot believe how real they are. Not having any control over it and not being able to lessen the intensity of it has been maddening. Body memories truly are the WORST part of having had the sexual abuse as a child. When they occur I feel that I will not be able to survive them mentally. I am hoping that there is an end to them one day.
[…] it was only doing a Mindfulness exercise recommended by my first ever cuntpsych that I discovered Body Memories, developed PTSD, had to tell the whitecoats abuse the child sexual abuse lark, which led to my […]
Sandi
My fathers people where brought to usa by usa officials from germany after the war. I am a survivor of the ritual abuse from my father and his people. My mother could not help me because she was also being abused. Daily, I have flashbacks, panic attacks and body memories. My mother is very deep in her denial. Good for her.
You have got to be really tough to survive this. My fathers people even gave me electro shock treatments so I would agree to their ideaology but.I would not allow it to work. The scariest thing is when I can not breathe because they are cloroforming me. I am in my 50’s now. It stills seems like yesterday. So many things I need emotional distance from..
It helps to keep the stress low. It helps to do things you enjoy. Keep your mood light, do not feed any stress to this because it will get much worse. It helps to keep distracting yourself until you can get in a safe place to go thru the flashback. I also dissassociate a lot.
I had planned a wonderful future for myself, but they took as many of my dreams away from me as they could. I am still terrified that they will come back.
I have had to slow my life way down. If I do not keep my stress very low I find myself in a flashback that I can not break out of. I have some tools to use to fight this. A good therapist can help you. It is every bit a rough as going thru it the first time. I believe in God and I believe that during the really rough times God (Yawah, Allah) is carrying me, you know the one pair of sandal prints in the sand.
I’ve been experieincing a very painful body memory most of the day. I have experieinced this many times before and know it will not be my last. The pain will not go away regardless of what I do or don’t do. I want to stab myself. I feel like I have been raped repeatedly all day. The part that is traumatizing for me, is the fact that I have to go through my day as if nothing is happening to me. I’m ok–really. Sound familar?
tell me about it. The body memories of being raped, tied, kicked, needles and lets not forget burning.. I want to just end it but my kid will not get the life insurance- you know – no payment if suicide. I betcha my abusors set that up tooo. I give them to much power.
The meds, distraction and deep breathing had best start working . May be time for inpatient stay.
Just wish it was a club med, yeah they have the meds just no spa.
kickingmyass take care- I am there also -hope it helps somehow
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
I have learnt that Body memory is trautamatizing but time heals everything
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
[…] 48. Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
I get so pissed off when people say body memories are a myth. I disagree with the cellular memory hypothesis. I think it’s a log kept in your brain of everything your body ever does or has done to it. But when I am woken up at night by the weight of an invisible man on top of me, groping me all over, sucking my nipple, grabbing my penis, penetrating me anally, yelling “No! No! No!” and my voice comes out all child-like. Not to mention the constant touching of my back and stomach, the feelings of my ankles being grabbed, my buttocks, legs, abdomen, and sides spasming, or feeling like someone is squeezing them hard, not to mention the quick flash of a child with his legs up on the edge of a bed and a man whose face I can’t see, and the feeling of my neck being kissed. For god’s sake. I’ll start to nod off, then I feel a hand that feels as real as any real hand (I thought I was haunted for the longest time) touch my bag and make me jump 2 feet. Then I finally calm down, and a hand touches my side. And the dreams of men grabbing me. I just want to pull my hair out at all the denial. The phenomenon is very f***ing real. I tried to deny it for so long, but it keeps getting more and more frequent. It happens throughout the day, but especially at night.
Bryan I hope you’ve managed to find someone who can help you as your body-flashbacks sound horrendous 😦
I feel that society in general has no idea at all of the aftermath of rape and abuse, people really don’t understand unless they have gone through it themselves or have been very close to someone who is experiencing these things. I am lucky that my partner understands and supports me. I’ve still not been able to go through my experience and out the other side but get near-constant fear flashbacks and freeze with some body memories trying to resurface.
Anyway, just want you to know you are thought of (though I know that isn’t much help) and I hope you have had some relief from those terrible memories since you posted.
Blessings – Kath
[…] Memory is affected by body position: Where you are and how you are placed in your environment triggers memory. […]
Thank you to everyone for their candor
I think that i have repressed memories.
I have experienced body memory many times. Every atom in my body burns and I want to rip my skin to bloody shreds. I shake and i feel so unbelievably dirty for no reason.
I read that psychologists argue that repressed memories arnt always real and they are in fact rather a process through which false memories are created by blending actual memories and outside influences. Furthermore, some psychologists believe that repressed memories are considered a cultural symptom because there is no written proof of its existence before the 1800s.
Maybe Im just making a big deal over nothing? Maybe nothing happened at all.
But then I think why would I feel like something bad had happened if it hadent?
Please help…
Hi Sally,
I minimized and tried to negate my memories as well, until I found out he had done it to other girls in the family. Even if you don’t have that kind of validation, I encourage you to trust yourself and get help for healing that wound.
You can heal and you’re worth it!
This is my first time looking this up and yours was the first answer I opened. Thank you so much for sharing such delicate information.
I have found Emotional Freedom Techniques provide a way to create new, positive body memories, while releasing the stress and distress of the original event. I have experienced this both for myself and with clients. PRICELESS!!
Check this out:
http://www.attractingabundance.com/eft/pain-free-after-eft/
Feel free to reply to this post for more information or discussion.