I believe it is the book The Courage to Heal that labels the initial stage of healing the “breakthrough crisis.” When I was in the early stages of healing, it helped so much to have a label for what I was going through. Learning that what I was experiencing was a normal part of healing from child abuse helped reassure me that I was not going crazy.
The breakthrough crisis is the most intense phase of healing from child abuse. While other stages of healing can be intense, none was as overwhelming to me as the initial breakthrough crisis. I compare it to the first few months of parenting a newborn baby. While other stages of parenting are equally as challenging, none are quite as exhausting as being up with a baby every few hours, night after night, with no break.
The breakthrough crisis is what you go through when you first begin to heal from child abuse. For me, it kicked off with my first flashback. Up until that point, I had spent several months actively trying to understand what was wrong with me. From the time I had the first flashback, I knew what was wrong, but I also questioned whether I could survive it.
For six straight weeks, I honestly did not know if I had it in me to survive the healing process. Every single second of the day was filled with pain. It felt like my emotions had been bottled up in a pressure cooker and that the lid had been blown off the pressure cooker, exploding powerful emotions all over my life. I was so grateful to find isurvive, my favorite message board for adult survivors of childhood abuse.
And then, after about six weeks of questioning whether I could survive this, the clouds parted, and I suddenly felt good. It was like seeing sunshine after six straight weeks of rain. I felt amazing, and I knew that all of my hard work was worth the effort.
This reprieve only lasted for a few hours, but it was enough to give me the hope of there being an end to the pain. Even though I returned to just as much pain as before, I could hold onto the hope of getting another reprieve.
Just as my therapist said, the reprieves gradually got longer, and the periods of feeling miserable gradually got shorter. Today (five years later), I can generally recover from a trigger within hours, whereas a trigger used to go on for weeks.
If you are in the initial stages of healing and can relate to what I have written about here, what is happening to you is normal. Think of this as being in the early stages of chemotherapy. It is intense and does not feel survivable, but this is how you are pouring the poison out of your spirit. You really are going to be okay.
Related topic:
Falling apart is beginning to heal
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Blooming Lotus 
oh, how i remember this terrible difficult time. I was pregnant with my 3rd, then my dad died. I didn’t think i would make it to now. I would be curled up on my floor in a flashback and it was one right after another it seems.
It was a difficult time, to say the least.
Thank you for letting me know, even years later, that this is normal.
you really are an amazing woman. i hold you close when things get tough.
I am so glad that this is helping you.
– Faith
faith it feels as though i will never make it.
You will make it. Think of this as a marathon. You won’t always be running a race, but it is going to be hard while you are. Also, there are water breaks along the way.
Think about the times (rare as they might be) that you have been able to catch your breath. That is your future.
Hang in there.
– Faith
Hi Faith….glad I happened across your blog. I have been to isurvive site also. I’m wondering whether I’m in what you call this ‘breakthrough crisis.’ I spent several years wondering what was wrong with me (lots of severe physical symptoms, like heart and breathing but could not get a diagnosis). Then last November I had what I would call a ‘flashback’ which hinted at some childhood sexual abuse, but only a hint, and I have absolutely no memories. After that flashback, I became extremely ill for 2 months with all sorts of horrible physical symptoms, which gradually turned into the most severe anxiety I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’m 60 years old and actually started sleeping with a stuffed toy, I was so scared. My GYN and a pscyhiatrist both told me this this is about childhood sexual abuse, and I would have to do counselling. My GYN told me 5 months ago that she thought that I was “very close to a breakthrough” and a massage therapist told me just last week that she thought I was “very close to a breakthrough.” I’ve been in counselling since some time in April, with no memories coming up at all, and the anxiety and depression going on and on. I feel at times like I cannot possibly live through this ordeal. Would you say that I am in a “breakthrough crisis” or am I about to have a breakthrough crisis? I don’t think I could take anything more severe than what I’ve already suffered for the past 10 months. If anyone can comment here, I would much appreciate it. I don’t know what to expect from day to day. My psychiatrist says that I need to get back into my life and try to enjoy life again, but I can’t imagine how. I am functioning at routine things, but feel like my life as I knew it before that flashback is gone. Thanks for any comments from anyone. sue
Hi, Sue.
I would say that you are in the initial stages of the breakthrough crisis but that you are making it last longer than it has to by fighting the memories and feelings. While a part of you might want to deal with the pain, a bigger part of you sounds like it is fighting back, which has thrown you into conflict.
I had to reach of place of telling myself that I wanted to know my own history, no matter how difficult it was going to be.
One secret to dealing w/emotions is that they do not last as long as you express them. However, if you repress them and do not give them a voice, then they keep affecting you, even for decades.
Talk about what you do remember. Give yourself permission to cry, scream, and punch pillows. Make the choice to heal, and then the rest will come. It will be intense, but it isn’t as intense as the deep conflict of fighting the volcano.
Hang in there.
– Faith
Thank you Faith. Yes, I think some bigger part of me is fighting bringing this back to consciousness, even though I’ve prayed, begged, cried and told myself for months now that I WANT to know, I want to get this up so I can deal with it. Whatever actually happened was long ago, and the pain that I am experiencing since I can’t remember what happened is what is intolerable now. I want the memories to come so I can see them somehow. Along with counselling, I have added massage to my healing routine, and am going soon to have a session with a psychic type person to see what impressions she may get. I may also do a regression when I feel ready to do that. I also recently bought the book The Courage To Heal and am reading that. Also looking into getting back to some yoga classes, as I’ve heard that can sometimes help. Thanks much for your advice, and for your great website. I’m glad I found it. sue
This is a very relevant article for me. Thank you.
Is it ok not to feel hate towards your abuser, I was a little girl when it happened and he had all my trust. Now I don’t hate him I just will never trust him again and don’t feel safe being around him by myself.
Hi, Tammy.
I have learned that the word “should” has no place in what I feel. I simply feel what I feel, whether it is hatred, anger, or joy. I am responsible for how I react to those feelings, but I whether or not I “should” feel something is irrelevant — either I **do** feel something or I don’t.
I, personally, have found that nursing bitterness was destructive to me without harming my abusers. Expressing my anger and rage in safe ways was immensely healing.
~ Faith
Dear Faith, this is the first time I post in your blog although I wrote to your e-mail a few days ago. Thanks again or taking the time to give your advice. I think I’m in the middle of this breakthrough crisis too, so this post is very important to me. I’ll take your word: I am going to be okay!
Hi, thanks for your posts. I believe I am through the break through crisis stage of my healing and I am currently working through repressed memories through emdr therapy. It has been a long and hard battle. When I was in the crisis stage I experienced excruciating physical and emotional pain and honestly believed that I was dying. I am now experiencing intense anger at what happened to me and I believe that I have finally finished grieving my lost childhood. I am nearly ready to take on the world and to start living not just surviving. I am starting to believe finally that I will be ok.
[…] my full-on PTSD breakthrough crisis or whatever it was hit me, suddenly I could not accomplish those things, could not power through […]