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Archive for June 13th, 2008

Bird flying in sky (c) Lynda BernhardtI am a big fan of the writings of Dr. Brian Weiss, who wrote the book Many Lives, Many Masters as well as several other books about past lives and how we are on this earth to learn life lessons. I have written about how embracing a belief in reincarnation has freed me to forgive my abusers (which I define as letting go of the bitterness).

I am currently reading another book by Dr. Weiss entitled Messages from the Masters. In that book, I found the following quote:

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means understanding. – Dr. Brian Weiss

I thought that was pretty deep and would make a good blog topic.

To put the quote in context, he was talking about a psychiatrist who was a skeptic about near death experiences. The man was apparently condescending about a woman’s very powerful near death experience. Dr. Weiss called the man “arrogant,” but the woman said that his comments arose out of fear, not arrogance. By understanding where the man was coming from, she was able to forgive the comment.

Of course, as applied to child abuse, the transgression is much more severe than simply belittling another person’s experience. However, I do believe this same principle can be applied as well.

I have been doing this with my mother/abuser. I do not understand how she could have done the things she did to me or allowed other people to abuse me as well. However, I do understand that she was severely abused herself and that her sanity snapped, so she was weak. For whatever reason, she did not have the strength to overcome her own history of abuse and stand up to protect her children (both from herself and from others).

I also understand that my ritual abusers were weak people. They thought they would be “strong” by controlling my will, but they never controlled me. Yes, they harmed my body, but they did not have the power to turn me into one of them because I was stronger than they are. By understanding this dynamic, it changes my perception of those abusers from being monsters who I cannot slay to weak people who I have already beaten. This has been quite empowering for me.

This realization has also enabled me to feel safe in my life. I am not a walking victim who can be harmed again. Instead, I am a conqueror who has already faced the worse possible abuse imaginable that I will ever face. (It is no longer possible for me to be restrained and tortured by a bunch of people who are four times my size.) I need fear nothing that the future holds because I have already conquered the worst that could happen.

Even death has no power over me because I know that death is not the end. Whether I am here on this earth for another year or another three decades, I am learning and growing, and I am providing a healing balm to others. When that time ends, I know at a heart level that I will be okay.

Related Topic:

Pondering Forgiveness after Child Abuse

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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