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Archive for September 1st, 2008

I would like to get back to talking about ritual abuse. I moved on to other topics last week to answer a couple of questions, but I really want to spend more time talking about the “taboo” topic of ritual abuse.

Today, I would like to explain expulsion ceremonies. If you were ritually abused by a cult and left with any notice at all, then you likely endured an expulsion ceremony. In some cases, the teenager or adult ritual abuse survivor tells the cult that she is leaving. In other cases, the child is moving away or leaving for another reason out of her control. (This is what happened to me.) If the cult knows that the ritual abuse survivor is leaving, then they put the child through an expulsion ceremony.

The purpose of an expulsion ceremony is to instill enough terror to silence the ritual abuse survivor forever. As long as the child is going to be terrorized by the cult on a regular basis, the cult has a perpetual way to ensure that the child never tells. However, once the child leaves the influence of the cult, there is a risk that she might tell someone about the ritual abuse. So, the cult puts the child through a horrific ceremony filled with terror to ensure that the child will never tell.

This happened to me when I was 11 years old. My parents moved us 30 miles away, and apparently this was far enough to move my sister and me away from cult activities. So, the cult put me through an expulsion ceremony. Of course, I did not know what it was or why they were putting me through it. Honestly, I thought they were going to kill me rather than let me leave.

I have already written about some of that night here. I am going to try to write about it now, but it will be hard. I am already feeling triggered.

+++++ severe ritual abuse triggers +++++

The cult leader told me that I was going to be “sacrificed” tonight. The ceremony would begin when he got to the smallest Russian nesting doll. (I have always had a phobia of Russian nesting dolls.) He opened doll after doll, and it was excruciating never knowing if the next doll was going to be the last one.

He shoved the smallest doll inside of me and then raped me. After that, all of the cult members savagely gang-raped me. This involved both men and women manipulating every orifice of my body at the same time.

Then, the cult leader made me walk over to the bonfire and lie down on something cold (maybe a slab of granite??). He said that it was time for me to die. He held up a knife and gave a long speech, so I was frozen in terror for a long time, waiting to die. Then, he dropped the knife and told me that I was not worth sacrificing. I was not worthy. I was not good enough.

Then, he spit on me. The entire cult followed suit, spitting on me, urinating on me, and smearing me with feces. They kept this up until I rolled over and vomited. They collected my vomit to use on my younger sister in her expulsion ceremony. To this day, she is highly triggered by vomit.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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