Archive for September 10th, 2008

This week, I have been writing about my epiphany that the ritual abuse I suffered likely had less to do with satanic worship and more to do with protecting a kiddie porn ring. While coming to terms with having been a victim of a kiddie porn and child prostitution ring has been challenging, some wonderfully powerful messages have come out of this experience for me.

The most powerful message I have taken away is that my child abusers were human. They were not “monsters” or “demons” with supernatural powers. They do not have any mystical powers from “Satan” to track me down and silence me if I ever tell. In fact, look how much I have shared about my ritual abuse over the past couple of weeks. I have yet to burst into flames.

I was very triggered when writing my posts about the ritual abuse. This is because of the terror that my child abusers instilled in me as they were dressed in black robes and tormenting me around a bonfire at midnight. However, their scare tactics did not succeed in silencing me. I pushed through the fear and have shed light on ritual abuse issues that others need to know about.

Now, I recognize that these were not all-powerful “monsters” but fallible and weak human beings. They allowed the power of the almighty dollar and their own sick perversions to override their own humanity. How a person could “sell” an innocent child’s body to be used and abused will never make sense to me.

What does make sense is that these abusers were only human, and I can defend myself against another human being. I am no longer a little girl who is battling people who are 3-4 times my size. I am a grown woman who has the power to fight back. I cannot express how incredibly empowering this realization is to me.

I have not felt this safe in decades. I am so grateful to have pushed through the lies and to have the ability to see my abusers for the weak people that they were. They were not monsters – they are mere mortals.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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