Archive for October 15th, 2008

On my blog entry Flashbacks as Dreams after Child Abuse, Simon posted the following comment:

A thing ive been thinking about alot and makes me sad is this :-
If we lived a thousand years life couldnt make up for what its took away from us. How do you live with that? Knowing that your playing catch-up in life but you know you never will? Yeah, one day i might be happy, i might even have my own children and that would be amazing. But we have missed out on so much, feel so bitter. I dont think that will ever go away for me.

Yes, there is a lot to grieve after child abuse. However, as you heal, you find a lot to be grateful for, too.

For example, when I find myself feeling present, I appreciate the beauty of the world around me in a way that most people never do. I will look at the sky and think about how amazing it is that we have such beauty to behold whenever we look up. I see the beauty of the world in the leaves of the trees, especially at this time of year as the leaves begin to change colors. Many people who were never abused go through their entire lives never appreciating the beauty that is all around them if they would only take the time to look.

I also find that most things that the average person struggles with in life are easy for me. I will never face a challenge as daunting as having several people who are four times my size harm me. Compared to what I endured as a child, the basic stressors of life seem easy.

Another thing that has brought me peace is embracing a belief in reincarnation, which I wrote about in Understanding Child Abuse through Reincarnation and Reincarnation and Karma after Child Abuse. Before I believed in reincarnation, all I saw was the areas in which I was cheated in life. Now that I have embraced the truth of reincarnation, I no longer feel cheated.

I used to grieve that I would never know a healthy mother-daughter relationship. I have since recovered a past-life memory of having a mother who loved me dearly. I had a brief “flash” of her holding me in her arms and of me feeling very safe. This helped me recognize that an absence of a loving mother-daughter relationship in this lifetime is not forever.

This lifetime is only one of many, and the purpose of each life is to learn lessons to become more loving, compassionate, patient, etc. The fact that all of us experienced such terrible abuse but came out of it as compassionate people proves that we are learning our life lessons. I truly believe that this lifetime was a “final exam” of sorts for me.

Also, I do not believe that the purpose of life is to be “happy.” Instead, it is to grow and to help others grow. This gives my life and experiences purpose and meaning rather than the abuse just being random bad luck.

For me, finding meaning and purpose in my life experiences has helped remove the bitterness for the abuse that I have suffered.

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Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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