On my blog entry Flashbacks as Dreams after Child Abuse, Simon posted the following comment:
A thing ive been thinking about alot and makes me sad is this :-
If we lived a thousand years life couldnt make up for what its took away from us. How do you live with that? Knowing that your playing catch-up in life but you know you never will? Yeah, one day i might be happy, i might even have my own children and that would be amazing. But we have missed out on so much, feel so bitter. I dont think that will ever go away for me.
Yes, there is a lot to grieve after child abuse. However, as you heal, you find a lot to be grateful for, too.
For example, when I find myself feeling present, I appreciate the beauty of the world around me in a way that most people never do. I will look at the sky and think about how amazing it is that we have such beauty to behold whenever we look up. I see the beauty of the world in the leaves of the trees, especially at this time of year as the leaves begin to change colors. Many people who were never abused go through their entire lives never appreciating the beauty that is all around them if they would only take the time to look.
I also find that most things that the average person struggles with in life are easy for me. I will never face a challenge as daunting as having several people who are four times my size harm me. Compared to what I endured as a child, the basic stressors of life seem easy.
Another thing that has brought me peace is embracing a belief in reincarnation, which I wrote about in Understanding Child Abuse through Reincarnation and Reincarnation and Karma after Child Abuse. Before I believed in reincarnation, all I saw was the areas in which I was cheated in life. Now that I have embraced the truth of reincarnation, I no longer feel cheated.
I used to grieve that I would never know a healthy mother-daughter relationship. I have since recovered a past-life memory of having a mother who loved me dearly. I had a brief “flash” of her holding me in her arms and of me feeling very safe. This helped me recognize that an absence of a loving mother-daughter relationship in this lifetime is not forever.
This lifetime is only one of many, and the purpose of each life is to learn lessons to become more loving, compassionate, patient, etc. The fact that all of us experienced such terrible abuse but came out of it as compassionate people proves that we are learning our life lessons. I truly believe that this lifetime was a “final exam” of sorts for me.
Also, I do not believe that the purpose of life is to be “happy.” Instead, it is to grow and to help others grow. This gives my life and experiences purpose and meaning rather than the abuse just being random bad luck.
For me, finding meaning and purpose in my life experiences has helped remove the bitterness for the abuse that I have suffered.
Related Topics:
- The “End Result” of Healing from Child Abuse
- Does the Child Abuse Healing Process Have an End?
- What “Presence” Feels Like After Child Abuse
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Blooming Lotus 
hi how are you doing?
I love the part at the end faith, about you gaining a memory from a previous life – Im not just saying this, i really do believe you. During this experience NOTHING will ever suprise me again!
I do hope its true.I think during regressing/becoming full we go do places in our physce where we werent supposed to go. The least we can do is take that knowledge with us into the rest of our life to make it a wholesum as possible!
Its autumn here in the uk and its my favourite season. I think its because the nights draw in and i do feel so guilty for not doing much with my life at the moment. And of course theres all that great nature . 🙂
I am doing well today. Thanks for asking. :0) And how are you?
– Faith
Hi Faith,
Transforming your painful past into helping others grow is a very important aspect of healing. Most don’t get to that point until pretty far along in the healing process, which you are.
Simon, there are days I feel as you do. I am hoping we have a choice about reincarnation or just taking a nice long break on a cloud of our choosing surrounded by only those we love and want with us. Personally, I’m going to have lots of fuzzy and otherwise adorable little critters with me on my cloud. And lots of giggles and staring at puffy white clouds.
This life has worn me out.
If i had a choice with re-incarnation id have a massive family, like 2 brothers and 2 sisters! We would be a very caring,loyal and strong unit and all friends.
I would keep my dad from this life and just have a different mum. I think he also deserves a ‘normal’ family life!
I have been thinking alot about re-incarnation recentley, and about a previous life….for some reason im not aware of!
Choosing a “cushy” life is not going to result in a lot of growth. That would be like lifting weights with a feather instead of a barbell.
I think all of us who are abuse survivors chose this life as our “final exam” to see if we really learned compassion, etc., in our previous lives. The fact that we came out of our abuse as compassionate people proves that we DID learn those lessons. Even in the worst case scenario, we are loving people. The speaks VOLUMES about our growth.
Now, about that cloud — Yes, I want a VERY LONG rest after this lifetime. However, who knows? I might choose to come back and do it all over again so I can provide hope and healing to those who are going through the same thing. If I did, I guess that counts as extra credit!! LOL
– Faith
Extra credit 🙂 i like that.
Not for me though.Next time i want to have a loving family and be a professional footballer, not a famous one, just one earning a living and enjoying what he does.
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