Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for October 27th, 2008

As I shared in my blog entry entitled Dealing with Memory of Date Rape into Adulthood, I had to deal with a flashback recently. Unfortunately, flashbacks are part of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and I am just going to have to ride them out.

I really believed that I had finished having to work through flashbacks. I had recovered memories through age 17, when I was still living with my mother/abuser. I thought that the abuse had stopped after that.

Unfortunately, even though (I believe) the abuse ended from my mother’s hand, the world had others waiting in the wings to harm me, too. And, because of my dissociative identity disorder (DID), I was the perfect target for those looking to harm an easy victim.

As I shared in another post about the date rape, I simply checked out of my body. My memory is from the perspective of the ceiling. My body is just lying there, doing nothing, as my ex-boyfriend believed that he was taking my virginity. I hoped that was the last time I checked out, but apparently I have more to deal with.

I am about to recover another memory. I can feel the flashback coming. I know that when I go to bed at night, I will recover another horrendous truth. This is one from near-adulthood – when I was a freshman in college at the age of 17. I can feel the weight the pain, even though I don’t have the memory yet.

This week, I am going to document the process as I go through it. I am actually writing this on Thursday night (10/23/08), so I will likely have already dealt with this flashback by the time you read my posts this week. However, I think it will add value to those of you who are dealing with flashbacks or are on the brink of dealing with them to come along for the ride with me.

So, that will be the topic this week. I am hoping that I get through this flashback as well as I did with the date rape one. I felt really badly for a few days and then felt much, much better afterward. I have also set up a support system. I will be meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow to talk about the memory, so I won’t have to go through this alone. And, of course, I have all of you here as well as my friends at isurvive. So, I know that I am going to be okay.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

Advertisements

Read Full Post »