+++ possible religious triggers – I have tried to keep my language “untriggery” +++
As I have shared before, I am very active in my church. I belong to a Methodist church, although I do not consider myself to be a “Methodist.” I have different interpretations of the Bible and beliefs, the most notable being my belief in reincarnation.
Despite the differences, I find a great source of comfort in connecting with a larger group of people, all of whom are seeking to develop the same types of characteristics that I seek to develop in myself, such as compassion. I also like how active the Methodist church is in the community. The United Methodist Church is consistently one of the larger contributors toward a variety of causes, such as helping the people in New Orleans and Mississippi rebuild their homes after Hurricane Katrina.
One huge shortcoming I see in most churches is the reluctance to talk about child abuse, and sexual abuse in particular. The word “sex” is pretty much taboo at many churches, so you can imagine my surprise when my pastor addressed the issue of sex head-on as the sermon-topic last week. I sent him a “kudos” email and encourage him to take it a step farther and address the issues of sexual abuse.
We sang a hymn that I had never heard before. It is called Sacred the Body, and it is hymn #2228 in the United Methodist hymnal (the small supplemental one):
Love respects persons, bodies and boundaries. Love does not batter, neglect or abuse. Love touches gently, never coercing. Love leaves the other with power to choose.
You could have knocked me over with a feather. I had no idea that the topic of abuse and neglect had found its way into the Methodist hymnal!
I have also spoken with the Stephen Ministers at my church about the aftereffects of child abuse. Stephen Ministers are laypeople (people without a divinity degree) who provide friendship to those who are going through a difficult time. I shared with them about how to help anyone who seeks support while working through the healing process.
My faith has been such a big part of my healing process, and yet I see so many child abuse survivors who are unable to find this source of strength as they heal, thanks to all sorts of horrendous abuses they suffered as children. I am glad to see some movement by churches toward helping child abuse survivors. It is not nearly enough, but it’s a start.
Good Resource for Healing from Sexual Abuse:
The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse (Revised Edition)
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Hi Faith,
I have always avoid anything to do with church or God due to my background, my grandparents/parents were pastors within the pentecostal religion on the outside but behind closed doors they were worshipping s***n,
but through reading your blog and the lamb on isurvive i realised that i could have some belief no matter how small as i believe you have gone through very similar abuse situations as i have (if i am wrong i am sorry) and you have a form of belief and appear quite secure with it, i decided to give God a chance
i know that sounds arrogant but it is not meant that way i have just recently purchased a bible which sounds corny, and started to read the new testament, i find it hard and at times triggering but i am going to try as i think i believe it was not Gods fault and i want so much to have an anchor at this time of my life, but i have not ventured into a church through horrific experiences within a church with my abuse, so maybe it could be a false hope not sure
Take care
wow that is shocking. I have never heard a song like that sung… or sung in church.
off topic. I went to sign my daughter up for soccer at a park in our community. I was pushing her on the tire swing and two other girls came up and were just standing there watching. I asked them if they would like to hop on too and did the mother to mother, ok? look. then all three giggled and the two climbed on. The littlest one stops, looks up at me, really big eyes so innocent. and says hi my name is Faith. I don’t know why, it made me so happy I wanted to cry and wrap my arms around her. Of course I didn’t. She looked so happy so safe so free.
Anon,
I am so pleased to hear that you are opening up your heart to consider a faith. My faith has been my rock. There have been times in which it was challenging, but the truth always wins out over lies.
It might be easier to read some of the Old Testament stuff, such as the book of Ruth or the book of Esther. Some of those books seem to have fewer religious triggers.
Take care,
– Faith
I love the story about the happy and carefree Faith. To me, it is like I am breaking the cycle, even though I have no connection to the little girl.
Take care,
– Faith
Faith, I’m really glad you’ve found such comfort and peace in your faith (no pun intended). While my abuse wasn’t RSA I have been unable to reconcile myself with the Christian religion. I don’t wish this to be offensive to anyone, and respect everyone’s own beliefs, but I have often thought “Where the F*** was God when I was growing up???” I believe this isn’t uncommon.
It wasn’t until a few months ago that I realised the gaping spiritual hole in my life. I have been searching for a way to fill that and have found some connection to Buddhist teachings (which aren’t all that different to the core Christan teachings). However, there’s some mental block preventing me from exploring this further. I don’t know what it is, and it makes me sad. I just want some part of my life that brings me peace. Do you have any thoughts?
Kerro
Faith, you are.
++++ religious triggers ++++
Kerro,
I have heard that Gandhi said that, if Christianity was practiced in the way that it was intended, there would be no Buddhists. I believe I heard this in a sermon at my Methodist church, believe it or not. :0)
I do believe that each of us has a need to connect with God, which is really just a name for the unending source of love that connects us all together. The Bible itself says that God is love.
Personally, I believe that our souls came from God. The Bible talks about God “breathing life” into Adam and Eve. I believe it was more than just breath — I believe it was part of God Himself. We will only feel whole when we reconnect with God because we were never intended to be separated from Him, which is pretty much what the entire Bible is about — God trying many, many ways to bring us back into a relationship with Him.
Those of us who experienced abuse, especially spiritual abuse, often have barriers erected that make it significantly harder to connect back with God. I have learned that NOTHING is more powerful than love — NOTHING. So, if you want to fill that spiritual hole inside of yourself, there is nothing that can stand in the way of it happening.
Here is what I recommend — Set aside some time in which you can be alone for a couple of hours. Then, start talking to God. Tell Him everything in your heart. Ask him where the f*** He was when you were growing up. Pour out your pain directly to Him. If you do this and wait for a response, you will not leave empty-handed.
I have suggested this challenge to several people, as well as done it myself. Everyone who did it (including me!) left the room a changed person.
God wants you to be authentic with Him, and He can take your powerful emotions. You need to pour out all of the anger and pain before there is room for His love and grace.
Talking with God, even if it means yelling at Him, is the first step toward connecting back with Him. Behind your rage is so much sadness. By expressing the rage, you will uncork the bottled up despair. As you pour that out, God is able to heal those very deep wounds with His “peace that transcends all understanding.”
I have found that my experience in connecting with God runs far deeper and richer than anything that I have been taught through organized religion. Within organized religion, I see restrictions placed upon people that make them wary of “buying into” a religion. My experience with connecting with God is unending love.
Rather than try to “be a good person,” I fill myself up with God’s love by spending time with him (through meditation and other ways), and then His “goodness” overflows out of me and touches the lives of others. I don’t have to “try to be a good person.” I just have to connect with God — fill that spiritual hole — and the rest happens on its own as a natural consequence of experiencing deep, unending love.
Take care,
– Faith
I’m not sure that I’ve heard any hymns that are so obviously against abuse, but I have heard sermons that discuss sex in a very open, frank manner.
While I have one or two alters who are angry towards God for letting the bad things happen, I’ve never felt that way personally. The way that I see it, God *did* protect me when the bad things were happening–by giving me the ability to dissociate. He made sure that I’d never be alone, and that I would survive, no matter what atrocious things were done to me.
Midge,
That is how I see it, too. I also saw God in the teachers who encouraged and loved me. I experienced kindness along the way and the hope that not everyone was like my abusers.
Take care,
– Faith
Hello all,
Well, lots of stuff here!!!
I was actually a nun (meaning, therefore, that I am Catholic) for a number of years in the late 70’s and early 80’s …. and was sexually exploited by another nun …. I then left the convent. When the whole sex abuse scandal erupted, I went into a tailspin … which was further exacerbated by the church’s refusal to work with me to come to some resolution. So as you can imagine, I have a lot of triggers.
Over the years my concept of God has changed dramatically … and is one that is considered “apophatic” in theological terms.
For me, Buddhism has become my path to experiencing God. The Dalai Lama himself has stated that Buddhism is not a religion, but a science of the mind. Buddhism is not a religion in the sense that it does not speak for or against the existence of God. It simply provides a path …. a path which, for many, leads to a direct experience of God’s presence.
I am not trying to convert anyone, by any means … but I do find there is a lot of misinformation out there regarding Buddhism among Christians.
Debbie
Hi, Debbie.
Very well said!!
I have been told the same thing — that Buddhism is really providing you with the tools to experience God rather than worshiping some sort of idol. Many of the tools that I use are taught in Buddhism, although I would not call myself a Buddhist.
In fact, there is so much in the Bible that is consistent with Buddhist teaching, such as “be still and know that I am God.” Being still (meditation) is what enables us to “hear” God’s voice. Jesus used to retreat to the mountains to get away from the crowds and be alone with God. The Psalms are filled with references to meditating on God’s word and being still in God’s presence.
Thank you for your comment. :0)
– Faith
Faith-
I’m new to your site but I find it very interesting. I’m in a very bad state of mind right now. I have a strong faith but I find as others have said where was he when I was being tortured. My uncle repeatedly abused me. Where was God then? I’m angry but don’t want to be. I’m finding myself acting out and I don’t want to. I’m in therapy now but I can’t find the peace and tranqulity I need in my spiritual life. I don’t know what to do here?? Any suggestions out there?? Thanks for all your honestly it’s a great to have the support.
JMM
Hi, Julie.
Beth Moore’s book entitled “Breaking Free” was very helpful for me:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0805422943/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=bloolotu-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0805422943“>
– Faith
Please help with sexual abuse acting out. Ways to stop and find spiritual guidiance I need. Angry at church for all the dishonesty and lying that goes on in them. Spiritual leaders are hard to believe. I want so much to find that peace and contentment I use to have in the church. I’ve lost my way and need find it again. Any suggestions?
Hi, JMM.
Beth Moore is one Christian speaker/author who addresses child abuse. She is a sexual abuse survivor herself.
– Faith