If there is one adjective that people use frequently to describe me, it is intense. I honestly do not know how to be any other way. Shallow people who flit around and talk about meaningless topics bore me to tears. I am sure that I scare them to death!
Being an intense person has its drawbacks. I have actually been “called on the carpet” for doing too well on a job! The concern is always that I am going to burn out, and then the company will lose a good employee. I am baffled that I must justify why I meet deadlines early and do a good job. Isn’t the goal to be the best that you can be?
Over the years, friends have tried to explain why I need to rein in my intensity. It freaks a lot of people out. For the most part, I don’t care. I am not going to do a bad job just because other people can’t keep up. I am not going to waste my time talking about inane things like comparing and contrasting the benefits of eggshell paint over off-white – Who the h@#$ cares?? (Yes, I know that less intense people do, but I am absolutely baffled as to why.)
Sometimes I will beat myself up over being too intense. But then I will have a nightmare/flashback, and I will “remember” how I got to be so intense in the first place. My childhood was about survival, not paint colors.
I recently watched a biography about the fabulous Richard Gere. Throughout his biography, the word intense kept coming up, but it was not in a negative way like I hear about myself. Richard Gere is able to take his intensity and use it to create believable (and yes, intense) characters on the big screen.
That got me thinking about myself. I do that here. Goodness knows, this blog is an intense one, but it is also a very healing one for some of the most hurting people out there. So, intensity does not have to be a bad thing. It is all in how you use that intensity.
And the bottom line is that, once people get to know me over a period of time, they realize that I am not going to burn myself out. I have a lot of energy, and I channel that energy in whatever direction I deem worthy of my time. Whether that means writing blogs, teaching a class, or volunteering at my kid’s school, I am going to give it all I have. The recipients of my intensity generally respond with gratitude, not rejection.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Blooming Lotus 
I’m also an “intense” person according to many people. My intensity is not so much in energy as in attention and comfort with discussing things that are “deep.” I’m like you, I don’t understand the need for so many of the conversations that I see other people having. Who wore what, who said what, blah blah blah.
I’m glad you’re “intense” Faith. Folks here get it and get you and are very glad you will go into subjects that others will not dare to go! Here’s to intensity!
Have a great day!
Ive been pulled aside by many peers becoz im over-working in my job and ‘making them look lazy’ – When this happens i slow down because im not there to upset anyone or win any medals! – And my experience is that large companys dnt give a crap about there employees anyway, so why should i do more than im supposed to???!!!
I think this was part of my ‘all or nothing’ way of thinking, hard to find a balance in life.
I think attitiude and commitment would be best put to use if we were self-employed Faith! At least then we would get rewarded for it!!!
Take care, Simon.
Hello Faith,
Your intensity might also be an inherited character trait, it might be just the way you are, regardless of what happened, and as such, I think you are right to embrace and accept it. It is a great gift!
It is also true that people who have survived terrible events tend to be more aware that life is to be lived at the fullest and not wasted on trivialities…
After my mother committed suicide, my aunt wrote to me that her own mother’s suicide had awakened in her the wish to live intensely. I am still grateful for this message.
Thanks for this.
Ahlize
part of me is very intense too – especially when a task is to be done : 100 % . however, a person i greatly respect once told me that 80 % is good enough. when he said that another part of me felt such relief that maybe the possibility existed for us to “let up ” a little. we tried the 80 % idea and it opened up a new world for us, it allowed us to look beyond what we had previously narrowed to a fine focus point, it allowed us to step aside from black and white and – yes – it allowed us to see that trivialities are actually a significant part of life. maybe the egg-shell blue relaxes a little more than the half-white. maybe what someone had for lunch with xyz matters because it helps us to understand more about their personhood and maybe that matters because it helps us see life outside of our direct experience zone and when it all boils down to it life is about relationships and relationships can best be understood when the seemingly trivial are taken into account. Onepiece of soil is nthing on its own but many maketh the world.
Faith I am grateful you are so devoted to this blog. I am so grateful to have a place to come to – meet friends like simon and ahlize. Lately I think coworkers, family and friends see me as more intense than normal. I have always been known for being a goof ball @ school and work. As a kid I used this as an escape. But at home I would spend hours a day rocking on the floor in the corner of my room. I remember my dad often making remarks, how come everywhere we go, somebody knows you. That was not the kid he knew. For the past couple of years I have found less opportunity for comic relief and superfluous chit chat. I think my husband misses that in me. I dont think my daughter has even seen that part of me. There’s always an agenda, a task, and I am trying to complete it.
Always the best wishes for you Faith, Simon and Ahlize
~palucci
I have always been “accused” of being intense too…LOL, but I think for the most part, like you… many loved ones do appreciate that quality of mine too. sometimes it is hard to have to tone myself down (not in general, but in a particular instant or something) when I realize that while I am perfectly fine, the other person is becoming overwhelmed by a situation or topic or experience… I too have had people be “concerned” that I would wear myself out… when in reality, I think that it might have just made them feel bad because I had the “energy” to do what I was doing.
thank you for this blog,.. I haven’t considered my intensity quite in this way before, and like you, have struggled to work hard to validate that it is a perfectly acceptable way to be.
There is SO much to life… why ever be bored!
:o)
blessings!
Hope
I completely understand where you are coming from. I have found your blog to be the best information out there. I check it everyday. It is intense but this is an intense subject. I don’t frequent sites about CSA that simply talk about “its not your fault” and “learn to be good to yourself”. I need to make sense of the hell I went through and its aftermath. Your commentary and insight here provides just that.
I too am very intense. I maintain a daily blog focused mostly on my food addiction and my struggle with using food for comfort. I don’t directly speak of the sex abuse I have endured since a number of people I know read my blog and I am — I really hate to admit this — ashamed of what happened to me as a child.
My friends have commented on how intense my posts can be. I told them I just post the truth and if they can handle hearing about my emotional turmoil, then they should stop reading my blog. My blog is first and foremost for me — its therapeutic.
I appreciate your frank, direct to the point commentary and valuable information. It helps reassure me that I am not crazy, and that I can learn to cope with my past so I can appreciate today.
Thanks for sharing
Lady In A Net
ladyinanet@gmail.com
loggingandlosing.blogspot.com
this describes me exactly… i never knew anyone else. i have been going through so much lately, and some in regards to this. Friday i came home and “hit a wall” I just wailed. I am so intense and will not settle in myself for anything less than like probably 110% . I dont know why i do this I just have this crazy intense passion. deep inside it comes from. i cant explain it. I feel so alone in it sometimes, i just dont know i feel so out of balance, but in another way i am not. I just didnt know anyone else went through this. in a way i guess it helps that i am not so messed up, maybe somehow it makes sense. but i really dont know how yet.
[…] That was my reaction when I read the following comment, which was posted on my blog entry entitled Channeling your Intensity after Child Abuse: part of me is very intense too – especially when a task is to be done : 100 % . however, a person […]