One question that many child abuse survivors have is how long they are going to have to stay in therapy. The answer to this question is as varied as those who seek therapy. Some people will only feel the need to work with a therapist for a few months while others will still be seeing a therapist several years later. So, I cannot give you a definitive answer about how long you will be in therapy.
My therapist said that I covered about two years worth of therapy during the first six months. He told me multiple times to “slow down” the pace of my healing, but I was like a runaway frieght train. While some people think that covering two years worth of therapy in six months sounds great, I would not recommend it. I was physically and emotionally exhausted during this time because my entire life was consumed by the healing process.
Once I slowed down my pace, my therapist moved me to biweekly sessions. (I was seeing him weekly during the first six months.) This went on for about 18 months. After that, we cut down to every 3-4 weeks and then “as needed.” I have seen my therapist 3 or 4 times since I officially ended therapy. He has always been clear that he is here if I need him. He is always just a phone call away. This helped me to have the courage to “fly” on my own.
Over at Isurvive, my favorite message board for child abuse survivors, I had a mentor who was about three years ahead of me along her healing journey. She stayed in therapy long after I chose to stop. It was not that she “needed” her therapist to get through her life, but she found it helpful to have her therapist to talk through different issues that arose in her day-to-day life. I used friends to fill this same role.
Am I more “healed” than she is? Absolutely not. We both chose different paths regarding our therapist’s role in our lives, but we both succeeded in healing and are continuing to heal on deeper and deeper levels.
I often meet people, both online and offline, who have been in therapy for many years without feeling like they are making a lot of progress along their healing journey. Most of those people tend to be fighting their truths and choosing not to love themselves. The key to the healing process is learning how to love yourself. Encompassed in loving yourself is accepting your experiences and expressing your emotions. A person can see a therapist weekly for 20 years but will not succeed in healing from the child abuse until she reaches the place of choosing to love herself.
If you want to speed along your healing process and shorten your time in therapy, then choose to face your truths. Accept that each memory is yours, even if it is held by an alter part. Choose to love and accept each memory, emotion, and feeling as “yours,” and work through all of those memories, emotions, and feelings.
Yes, it is very hard work, but it is the only way to make progress along your healing journey. As you learn how to do this for yourself, you will no longer need to spend so much time in therapy. Yes, your therapist is an important part of healing, but you are the most important part. Your therapist cannot choose healing for you. Only you have the power to learn how to love yourself and heal.
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Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Blooming Lotus 
I was in therapy for 4 years in my early 20s. When I left therapy, I knew there was more I needed to work on, but I was done with what I could do at the time.
When I had started those 4 years, I was still in an abusive relationship. The first year of therapy was me getting out of that relationship, dealing with the aftereffects of such (stalking, etc), and getting settled on my own. Then the next 3 years were about being able to just function. I was so PTSD to the max I could hardly function. In the last year I finally started taking some medication and that helped. I was able, then to address some real issues, but I only addressed them at a surface level. I was 25 when I left therapy and got married.
Being in a relationship again (marriage) brought up more issues I hadn’t had the opportunity to deal with before. I knew I would need to go back eventually, but I pushed it aside and enjoyed what progress I had attained.
It was disappointing to me when I ran into this ex that abused me some 10 years later and lost time again for the first time in years. The ball started rolling again. Then other things happened and a couple years later I was a mess all over again.
It was awful to realize I had been through so much therapy and still could be “reduced” to this by my issues, but when I think back there was a limit to what I could do in therapy at that time. I was very young (21) and I wasn’t near as honest and forthcoming with things in my sessions. I was still very afraid. I was still living near my family of origin which made it very scary to face those issues head on. Also, though I had been diagnosed as dissociative, I was not diagnosed DID and those issues were not dealt with. Basically back then a lot of surface stuff had been dealt with. Now that I’m older and more mature I am tackling the deeper stuff. I’m much more honest and forthcoming in my sessions. It’s different. Who knows how long it will take now. It has taken a year to get my medications straight and to recoup the skills I gained previously in therapy. My therapist tells me it will take awhile because in this arena slow and steady wins the race. I believe it. I had one other therapist prior to the one I have now and she was very fast and that just overwhelmed me and left me worse off. I think it just takes what it takes.