Archive for February 10th, 2009

After I am severely triggered, it generally takes me a while (maybe a day or two) to get back to feeling like myself. I feel like I have been run over by an emotional mack truck, and it takes me a while to pull myself back together.

For some reason, I generally deal with severe triggers at night, although this is not always the case. Sometimes I am severely triggered during the day, but I have to hold myself together to get through my day-to-day life, so my reaction to the severe triggering might not hit full-force until the evening.

While I am severely triggered, I don’t give a d@#$ about long-term consequences, such as weight gain from the binge eating or having a hangover in the morning. My sole focus is to deaden the emotional pain in the moment.

I pay for this the next morning. I wake up feeling sluggish (unusual for me) and sad. I want to curl up into a ball and sleep the day away. However, my life is not conducive to doing this, so I have to muster the little energy I have and find a way to get through the day. If I can manage not to get triggered again, I try to do something loving and compassionate for myself, such as watch a favorite TV show in the evening and then go to bed early. If I can do this, then I am generally back to my old self the next day.

It really bothers me that my environment continues to have this kind of power over me. I don’t want something as simple as seeing dog poop to derail my life for a day or two. I want to be able to make choices about what or how much to eat or whether to drink. However, when I am severely triggered, it feels as if I have no choice. Everything goes into autopilot, and I am just along for the ride.

Related Topic:

PTSD and Cycles of Emotions

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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