****** religious triggers *****
I have been reading the book The Shack by William Paul Young. I have been focusing upon different words of wisdom in the book that can be applied to survivors of child abuse. See my first post for more information about the book.
Today, I would like to focus upon the following quote. Mack is asking God about where He was while his daughter was being abused and murdered. Here is God’s response in the book:
Mack, she was never alone. I never left her; we [the trinity] never left her, not for one instant. I could no more abandon her, or you, than I could abandon myself … [T]here was not a moment that we were not with her. ~ The Shack page 175
Many child abuse survivors struggle with where God was while they were being abused. I truly believe this quote from the book. I believe that God was right there, giving me the strength and courage to survive it. I also believe that God is the one who blessed me with the ability to dissociate and gave me the gift of dissociative identity disorder (DID). No, God did not stop the abuse, but He gave me the tools I needed to survive it, and he rubbed a healing balm over me to help me heal the pain as an adult.
Over at Isurvive, I posted the following words to someone who is struggling with this very issue. So, if this sounds familiar to those of you who frequent there, that would be why. :O)
We child abuse survivors get angry with God because we see Him as the only one able to stop the abuse, but really it was the people in our lives who let us down, not God. I believe that God grieved mightily, with tears streaming down his face, as He saw me being harmed. I also believe that He became angry with the adults in my life who ignored His instruction in the Bible to protect the children.
I don’t believe that it is God’s job to protect my kid — It is MY job to protect him. I protect my kid because I love him. I was not protected because I was not loved. That’s a choice of men, not of God.
Despite all of that, God made me strong and gave me the gift of dissociation to enable me to survive the abuse. God is the only one who helped me — my parents sure didn’t. God was also present in the teachers who took me under their wings and my sister, who gave me love.
God has also taken something as horrible as my abuse and brought lots of good and beauty out of it. Because I survived it, I know that others can survive it, too. Because I am healing, I know that others can heal, and I encourage them as they heal.
No, I would never choose to experience abuse or for anyone else to experience it, and this is why I take my job seriously in helping any child abuse survivor that I can. I am also active in helping change society to protect children. I believe that is how God works — through people caring enough to make a difference.
- Wrestling with a Christian View of God after Abuse
- Where Was God When I Was Being Abused?
- Where is God During Child Abuse
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Blooming Lotus 
i dont know i cant figure this out… i know God was there, but how could God have been there and seen and not just let me be every thing that happened. but part of me knows that He was but i dont get it , the heart part of cause why didnt he rescue me, why didnt he help me and tear me away from all the horrible people that were hurting me. i just dont knw.
I feel the same way, that God protected that little girl in the best way possible at the time–letting her dissociate. Someday soon He will step in and put a stop to all violence and wickedness, and destroy the evil people who do such things. Then, no children will ever be hurt again. But for now, He does help those in need, even if it’s not the kind of help they prefer (just like all prayers are answered, but for some the answer is “No”). Without DID, I would have died or gone insane long ago, so I am very grateful to God for giving me the ability to dissociate.
Faith,
This post was wonderful. It reminds of a quote I heard recently at the end of a sermon:
“Where what is ideal is lacking, Grace abounds.”
-Matt Chandler
Also… Thank you so much for such a valuable resource. I absolutely believe the Lord has blessed you with a strong courage and an incredible gift to communicate both heavy truths and sweet encouragement at the same time.
As the partner of a multiple, your chronicles here have been a Godsend of hope through the difficult storm of emotions we’ve faced together.
Thank you again; continued wisdom for you will be in my prayers as often as I am reminded.
– Minus
I never thought of it that way. I’ve always been angry at God, which in turn, has made me a “non-Believer”. I could never understand how God could allow all of us innocent, helpless, little kids be tortured when we were so vulnerable. I did think he was the 1 who had the power to help/or stop the abuse. After decades of abuse, & now depression, PTSD, anxiety, etc.
I’m still wondering when God will help me or hear my prayers. I need him now more then ever.
I will try to think of what I just read & look at it thru a new shade of glasses.
Dear Child,
I hear you say you are a non-believer but then you later say you’re wondering when HE is going to answer your prayers and you need HIM more than ever. What’s so encouraging is you must believe or you wouldn’t indicate you need HIM and you wouldn’t pray.
I left religion for a long time. It wasn’t until I was ready to begin asking God those questions myself that I came to understand what my truth is. I am a survivor. My abusers were horribly sick people who truly were not in God’s presence. I know I will never understand why God chooses not to intervene, I have come to understand there are a great many evils in the world and they are not God’s work. They are the work of Satan.
I was lucky enough to make it through and though I have emotional scars, I know that God does not waste a single moment, a single experience. Good or bad our experiences can help others. I choose to help myself by helping other survivors and do everything I can to move awareness, advocate when I can, and take up for the weak who cannot speak for themselves. I discovered in order for God to hear me, I had to start listening to HIM. It meant I had to get to church, do work for others, go to bible study, READ THE BIBLE and get understanding from my pastor (or his wife if I didn’t feel comfortable) when I didn’t understand. It takes absolute courage to seek God especially when you question HIS existance. My prayers once I began to live my life for HIM have been answered over and over again. God is not for the faint of heart. HE expects absolute devotion even when we are afraid. Child, HE wants you to come to HIM, and HE wants you to tell HIM how angry you are. HE knows what’s in our hearts and we don’t have to sugar coat it. While HE expects reverence HE wants you to be REAL. But….my prayer for you will be you have the courage to get to a church.
Zoe,
I think that all child abuse survivors with a faith wrestle with this question.
Hang in there.
– Faith
DID sounds like it became a blessing for you, unfortunately my abuse happened during adolesence, and although I did and still do dissociate I don’t have “others” who take over. I am only now beginning to see that dissociation at least during the abuse was a blessing. There are 2 others in my head, but I am and always have been aware that they are parts of me. although they seem quite different from me.
I think what people struggle with is not whether or not God was present. They believe HE was. What is hard to understand is how we can read stories in the Bible of great miracles, wonderful deliverance, and we KNOW how mighty God is. People have a hard time understanding a being so powerful he can part the sea, heal the sick, revive the dead, strike down his enemies, but the blood of innocent children are spilled, children who can’t understand God’s love and know God are with them. Sometimes those children don’t survive. We know God is there to welcome them, those of us who are lucky enough to come to know God will begin to understand Free Will, and I know there are those who will never understand how God can be there and do nothing. I am a survivor and I love my God. I know and understand Free Will and there is comfort in knowing God loves me but I understand why people question.
Hi, Angie.
I understand this as well. I have found a lot of my answers through embracing the concept of reincarnation, which is rejected by Christian theology. When this lifetime is not the only lifetime, then a child not surviving, while tragic, is not the same degree of tragedy as it would be if each of us only experienced one lifetime.
– Faith
I too am a survivor of severe child abuse. I was adoptd, abused, and disowned. I am an adult now who is seeing God’s healing and redemption in my life. My current season of life has brought me a tremendous amount of healing. Please please please whoever has gone through traumas, abuse, neglect whatever it may be, pick up this book and read it: The Life Model: Living from the Heart Jesus Gave you. I just read it, and I have expereinced more healing than I have in my life. Thank you.
Hi, Jen.
Thank you for the book referral. I will add the book to my Recommended Reading page. :0)
– Faith
Some very good points. This is probably the hardest part of healing from abuse. I too believe God gave me the gift of the “tools” I needed to survive.