I have talked about a lot of uncomfortable topics on this blog, and I will be continuing that trend today. I would like to focus upon the topic of picking. This is not a topic that I hear many adult survivors of child abuse talking about openly. However, adoptive and foster parents of abused children report that their abused children frequently “pick” at their bodies, including their noses, scalps, scabs, and pretty much anything else they can pick.
Here is an excerpt from a blog written by a woman named FosterMommy. As you can tell by her name, she is a foster parent who has fostered multiple children that have been removed from abusive homes:
Anxiety can cause picking the nose, ears, scalp, or any other orifice even to the point of bleeding and including self-mutilation. ~ FosterMommy from Attending Support Group Combined With Training
These behaviors do not just magically “go away” when the abused child becomes an adult, and these are children who have been removed from the abuse, placed into safe homes, and are receiving therapy. So, let’s face it – many adult survivors of child abuse struggle with picking as well. They are just too embarrassed to talk about it.
Why do child abuse survivors “pick”? As FosterMommy stated, picking is a way to manage anxiety. As the child abuse survivor picks at his or her body, it gives the anxiety a temporary outlet.
I have always picked at my scabs. I never realized that was abnormal until other people would comment about how long it would take for my wounds to heal. I then read in a book about self-injury that picking at scabs was a form of self-injury. That was news to me!
The thing is, when I pick at a scab, I am not consciously aware that I am doing it. I always chalked it up to being a “bad habit” like biting your nails. (Now, biting my nails is not a behavior I struggle with. I am too freaked out about my teeth to do it.) I would look down, notice that I was bleeding again, and be truly surprised by it.
Regardless of the form of picking you use (and you might pick at a variety of areas of your body), there is nothing “wrong” with you. The picking is simply another normal aftereffect of the abuse. Functionally, the picking is no different than anything else you do to manage your anxiety. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.
Related Topic:
“Picking” as a Way of Managing Anxiety
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Blooming Lotus 
Do you think picking can be a verbal thing also? I remember being told by my parents and ex partners that I would often “pick” at them. Psychologically pick things apart that were most times relatively minor things.
And “pick” is the exact word that was used too!
What do you think?
As always, great post.
I pick at my cuticles, especially on my thumbs. It’s really pretty bad. But nothing I’ve ever been able to get a handle on. The picking waxes and wanes with stress certainly but never entirely goes away.
At this point I’ve managed to eradicate the fingerprint on my right thumb.
For me there is a lot of shame associated with the picking. I am absolutely horrified by the way my thumbs look, and yet I continue.
-else
I do the same thing.. I dont know why. I do, little things so I never noticed but especially my fingers, so I bleed, but i dont even realize Im doing it. It stinks.
i pick at anything i can on my body. sometimes even my bare skin. i notice that im doing it sometimes, other times i don’t. before reading this i thought that i just developed the habit from my father(he picks his scabs too sometimes) but i can see now how picking at bare skin i was saying i was just picking a scab(that obviously wasn’t there) in order to make myself bleed and relieve some anxiety
This is enlightening to me, too. I just thot is was a little sick that when I was really mad at myself or anxious I would pick at bare skin until it bled. Never thot of it as self-injury. It helps to understand. Is it something to just accept or something to try to work through somehow? It seems to bring relief (hence my feeling that I was a little sick to do it).
I see picking and other forms of self-injury as a coping tool. I will sometimes use negative coping tools because they work. However, I have also added many positive coping tools to my toolbox, such as yoga, exercising, talking w/friends, etc. I try to turn to those first. If that does not work, then I give myself permission to use the more negative coping tools, such as binge eating or self-injury. As I have healed, I feel less of a need to use the more negative ones.
The picking is a symptom, not the cause, so I recommend putting your focus on healing the underlying trauma. The less anxiety you feel, the less of a need you will have to pick.
Take care,
– Faith
[…] picking (read a great post about this on Blooming Lotus). Mine centers around picking any thing that makes skin un-smooth, especially in the middle of my […]
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Very interesting, I’ve always picked but never made any connection there.