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Archive for April 15th, 2009

On my blog entry entitled Got Another Letter from my Mother/Abuser, a reader posted the following comment:

I would like to offer my unsolicited view. Through this blog I’ve grown to care about you a great deal and respect you and your work. So, while I don’t know the whole story, only you know that… from the information you’ve provided, it appears that you are still in a position where you are being held responsible for your mother’s well being. It is so not fair to you.

Is it possible to have your therapist call mom/abuser’s counselor and communicate to the counselor that it would be healthier for both of you if your mom/abuser is advised to back off and that there are very good reasons. Not only for your benefit, but for your mother’s as well…? I just don’t think it’s healthy or just for you to have to carry all this on your own. Maybe the two of them could set up communications and then HER counselor could be taking on the responsibility of your mother not you. People use mediation all the time when they disagree and I think this is no different. This way you will be covered no matter what happens it is NOT your responsibility. It will fall squarely on the person who is responsible for your mom/abuser’s mental health. What do you think? ~ Mia

Mia’s suggestion is only one of many that I have received. I responded by getting really sick so I didn’t have to deal with it. :0)

At this point, I am still not sure what to do. My therapist initially said to ignore her. However, after contact #3, he left a message saying that we needed to think about what I would say to her if/when she calls again. I have not returned his message. My family is going out to town for Spring Break, and I am checking the Caller ID before answering the phone, so I guess I am just postponing dealing with this issue.

One friend suggested that I have my therapist call my mother’s counselor and say that it is detrimental to my emotional health for my mother/abuser to keep contacting me. Another friend suggested that I write her back and tell her that I have forgiven her for the things she wrote in the letter. That way, she can show her counselor that she resolved the issue and will, hopefully, then leave me alone.

A part of me wants to confront her if she calls. I have told her multiple times to back off. If she continues to push it, then she gets what is coming. Maybe I could say something like, “Until you are ready to take responsibility for all of the child abuse I suffered, we have nothing to talk about,” and then hang up. She can take that comment multiple ways. She can own up to what she did to me personally, or she can own up to one of the numerous people she allowed to hurt me.

For right now, I’ll be getting out of town, and she does not have my cell phone number, so I should at least be able to buy another week of not having to deal with her.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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