Archive for May 12th, 2009

I survived my first Mother’s Day without it being horrible. Hooray! Last year, I spend the morning in tears. I don’t even remember the specifics of why, just that I was angry with both my husband and son. I burst into tears when I walked into my Sunday School class. A nice lady hugged me close and said all the right things. What a blessing not to go through that again this year!

Mother’s Day has always been tough for me because it “forced” me to “celebrate” a mother who sexually abused me. There is just something fundamentally wrong and f#$%ed up about that. A local radio station talked about a poll in which 6% of the respondents said they were “not crazy about their mother.” The DJs were horrified, but I just kept thinking about my own situation. Why should I appreciate and treasure the woman who started raping me when I was just a toddler??

I think one reason that Mother’s Day was “not horrible” is because I finally gave myself permission not to recognize her. For some reason, until recently, I have not felt like this was an option. From the moment my therapist validated my choice not to send her anything for Mother’s Day, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt more present in my body, and I did not feel like I was losing my mind every time I heard a Mother’s Day ad. I guess I really am healing in this area. :0)

The funny thing is that it is not like Mother’s Day was such a great day. It was my husband’s first without his mother, who died around Christmas last year. He is not particularly demonstrative for Mother’s Day anyhow, but he was doubly not into it this year for obvious reasons. However, the sun was shining, and I enjoyed the day walking my dogs and hanging out with a friend and her kids. I even bought my friend some flowers because her family is terrible about recognizing her for Mother’s Day.

It has taken me a long time to get to this place, so I am just enjoying having my first “not horrible” Mother’s Day. And, who knows? Perhaps next year will even be a decent one.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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