I just realized that I have not written very much about obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) on this blog. That surprises me because I have struggled with OCD throughout my life. As I have healed a lot of the anxiety, my symptoms have decreased. However, when I get triggered, some of them return with a vengeance. Fortunately, I have been successful in ending some of the more troubling OCD symptoms.
My OCD symptoms have run the gamut. The most amusing symptom to my friends is my compulsion to hoard pens. I used to have to have five pens in my purse plus a spare at all times. No, I do not mean that I needed six pens. I needed at least five pens plus a spare to be okay. The spare was to fill in if one of the five pens got lost or broke. The spare would ensure that I never dropped below five pens in my purse.
Of course, insurance pens were very comforting to me, so I would add additional pens to my purse, just to be on the safe side. I believe my record was carrying around over 30 pens at one time. Typical was more in the 20-pen range.
After adopting a baby and having to switch over to carrying around a diaper bag, I got to where I was okay with two or three pens. I typically carry more on me (around 10), but I am okay as long as I have a couple of pens on me.
One of my friends recently asked if she could take all of my pens (I think I had four on me) and return them in one hour, just to see what my reaction would be. I became very anxious. My heart rate increased, and my breathing got shallow. If she had taken them, I would have driven straight to Target to buy more pens because I could not handle not having any pens in my purse. I only got myself to calm down by reminding myself that I had spare pens in the car. My friend gave me my pens back and was shocked at the severity of my reaction to the thought of being without my pens.
My sister has the same reaction, only in her case, she hoards pencils. We talked about why we thought we both had the same compulsion to hoard writing instruments. She thinks it has to do with having a voice. We had no voices as children, but, as long as we had a writing utensil, we still had a way to communicate, even when we were silenced. If we lose our writing utensils, then we no longer have a way to be “heard.”
I honestly don’t know why I am this freaky about needing to have so many pens around. The pens in the picture are just a few that I keep in my office. I chose those for the picture because they are my favorite brand. (In case you have a pen fetish, the best brand is the one in the picture, which is the SRX Stix Grip 1.0 mm ball point pen. Rose Art used to make them, but they sold them to SRX. You can find them at Target.) I have many more in my office, my purse, in the kitchen, by the phone downstairs, and in the car. I also have three unopened packs of the SRX pens in my office. Yes, I clearly have an issue with hoarding pens.
This is only one of my OCD symptoms. I will discuss more tomorrow.
Related Topics:
- Aftereffects of Childhood Abuse: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
- Trauma Tuesday: Hoarding, OCD, and the Abused Adopted Child
- Trauma Tuesday: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and the Traumatized Adopted Child
- How to Identify Signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
- How to Identify Symptoms of OCD
- How to Minimize the Effects of OCD
- How to Cure OCD
Photo credit: Faith Allen
Blooming Lotus 
I have a certain brand of mechanical pencil… I have to have two of them with me. And I have a whole bunch of them stored at home in case someday they stop making them.
It’s funny because until I read this I had never, ever considered how strongly I feel about my pencils…
-e
I bet I have more markers than you!
Oh, I was so happy to see this post! I thought *I* was that only one!!! I, too, carry an abundance of pens and mechanical pencils with me at all times. I keep several in my purse, several in my car, several in a cup in the kitchen, several on my nightstand … they’re everywhere! Not only that, I hoard notepads and notebooks, keeping a stash of them nearby at all times, in the car, in the bedroom, everywhere. I was aware that the hoarding of notebooks was a bit odd, but for the longest time I didn’t understand why. I just needed a safe place to purge whatever was inside me and it felt better having them nearby. It’s hard for me to be in a store that sells them and not purchase at least one.
Thanks for sharing your OCD secret 😉
Take gentle care.
I also feel strongly about my pens. If I find a brand that I really like, I try to have several packages of them, because they always disappear. Someone will “borrow” one and forget to return it, or it will fall behind the dresser, or something of the sort, so that my cup full of pens suddenly only has a few, and then I get anxious. I also have to keep a collection of colored pens on hand for the (inside) kids to use. I don’t know that I’d call it hoarding, though, just a mild obsession.
I do hoard food, however, and the more stressed I am, the more food I will hoard. I will buy bags and bags of candy and stash it in various places around the house, just to be sure that I’ll always have some handy if I should get a craving. I constantly must fight the urge to take those little sugar packets from restaurants and keep them in my purse, “just in case”. (Just in case I should be kidnapped or stranded somewhere and need a rush of energy to escape, is my reasoning.)
Wow. Those are some beautiful pens!! Oh, the colors!
This is fascinating! I also have sort of a pen thing. It’s not as extreme as yours Faith, but I do have to have several pens on me. I also like the ballpoint better than the felt tip or gel pens which seem to be everywhere.
Do you find it hard to pass up the school supply or office supply isle of a store? It’s almost impossible for me! I don’t usually get anything, but I always have to look. (I think the reason I don’t purchase so much is strictly financial…)
Good post Faith, thanks.
mia
[…] OCD — faithallen @ 6:15 am Tags: compulsions, obsessions, repetitive thoughts Yesterday, I kicked off a series on obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). I have struggled with OCD symptoms for most of my life. […]
Faith, I don’t think this is OCD. It’s comforting to you, but not in a “must do” kind of way. The pen thing for me, well, I’m a mechanical pencil person, has to do with always having something with me so I can jot down my experiences. For me it’s a self-protection kind of thing. I wonder if this is similar for you. Do you need the ability to document what goes on?
Hi, mindparts.
I don’t know why I feel this strong need, but I do.
OCD is a matter of degrees. Mine is less severe, so it come across as more “quirky.” I think the behaviors have to interfere with a certain percentage of your day to qualify as OCD for treatment purposes, but it is all on the same continuum.
I would have a panic if I had no pens on me when I was in my twenties. Today, I feel anxiety but don’t have a panic attack. (I also try to avoid being without a pen. LOL)
– Faith
We have a running joke in my house, where I will for days or weeks go on a cleaning bender, and my wife will say “I like it when you are OCD!” Sure, I can see where you would say OCD is on a continuum. I can understand that, but I think it’s not quite that way to someone who really suffers from clinical OCD. And the key in the disorder is “compulsive”. I don’t know that you can be a compulsive hoarder of pens.
I think it’s largely about patterns and being used to something being comforting. Several years ago I didn’t own a cell phone. Now I absolutely cannot leave my house without it. If I discovered I was 1 hour from home and didn’t have it, would I go back to get it? Probably not. I could live with it.
Paul
[…] faithallen @ 6:35 am Tags: compulsions, obsessions, repetitive actions, rituals On Wednesday, I kicked off a series on obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). I have struggled with OCD symptoms for most of my life. […]
Stationery hoarder here too. Thanks for sharing Faith.
i never really thought of it, but i always do have lots of pens or writing instuments even in the car. tons. more than usual people do. i guess…. i have a thing about using nice ones too. usually am caring one in my pocket too. in an odd, not nerdy way. 🙂
[…] reading the comments on my blog entry entitled Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Hoarding, I realized just how common it is for child abuse survivors to hoard pens. In light of this, I […]
Hi,Very informative post.Having gone through very hard times fighting OCD, I can relate.Thanks,SandraPlease visit my blog at:http://ocdtreatments.info
I am the same – I have a cupboard FULL of stationary – and I am really really funny about the pens I use too!!!!!! It has to be a certain brand ( Sarasa Zebra retractable gel pens – lots of nice colours) – or I LOVE my silver sheaffer pen. I litterally have several hundred other pens in the house though…. never really thought about why though???? hmmmm
I know what you mean about the OCD – but I find the descriptions of OCPD Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder are more like me (there info on it in Wikipedia)… it mainly covers being really perfectionist about things, and hoarding…
Anyway nice to know I am not alone with the stationary thing!!!!!
I have hundreds of pens stored in different types of containers in my house. Whenever I go out I make sure I have 2 or 3 in my purse, and I too become anxious if I can’t find one. I had a job recently where the person I worked with was a complete slob who would “borrow” my pens and then I would never see them again, or she would claim they were hers. The situation caused me so much anxiety I went as far as to create labels for each and every one of my writing devices (that includes highlighers, mechanical pencils, and markers), as a way to deter her despicable behavior. Eventually she got the point and left my stuff alone, but it took quite a bit of work from my part to get this person to learn how to respect other people’s belongings.
[…] Hoarding Woes and OCD Filed under: Health,Hoarding — SwittersB @ 3:59 pm Tags: Hoarding, OCD, OCD and Hoarding Seems obvious that a hoarder is obsessive or compulsive or disordered. But, it helps your mind and heart in the aftermath of your parent’s death to know they were indeed suffering from a malady that imprisoned their mind as well as their physical self. OCD & Hoarding […]
I agree that the SRX Stix Grips are the best pens. I bought some at Target a while back and every time I go back I try to find them again……..and they haven’t carried them since! I am so upset that I cannot find these pens anymore. I have searched website after website and can’t find them…….that is how I found your blog. Anyway, do you know where to get them now???
Hi, Laura.
The last time I went looking for them, Target in NC was still carrying them. Maybe you can find them at Target online??
– Faith
Faith-
It’s interesting that you mentioned that having writing instruments allowed you to have “a voice,” as a child. I have the same mild OCD, I hoard pens and notebooks. I grew up in a strict home, mom had to have things always a certain way. So, I would write in my notebooks, vent frustrations, create stories, etc. I started writing around age 7, and it has stuck with me. I’m a writer by profession, but I stil find myself collecting pens, the finer the writing instrument I have to have it, I guess I’m still trying to make sure my voice is heard.
So I was looking at my bag of writing utensil and decided to search “pen hoarding”! Here i am sharpies, markers, pens, pencils everything and anything! What is the root of me?