Archive for July 31st, 2009

On my blog entry entitled Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID): Opening up Internal Communication, a reader posted the following comment:

Im so scared. Ive been diagnosed for a yr now. I dont believe any of it. I dont understand. I feel forced to believe worse things happened but I dont recall. Im just lost. The therapy is unbearable. Im so stuck. Does anyone have any support Im desperate. ~ Wanda

Being diagnosed with DID, or recognizing for the first time that you have alter parts, is terrifying to the host personality, which is the part of yourself that you view as “me.” It is only disturbing from your perspective, though, because most of the rest of you has known about the “others” all along. The rest of you has also always known about the child abuse.

The sooner you accept your diagnosis and start to understand your disorder, the sooner you will stop feeling so freaked out. I strongly recommend that you read the book Safe Passage to Healing by Christine Oksana. Skip over the ritual abuse stuff and go straight to the chapters on DID and dissociation (Part Three: Dissociation, p. 101). Being dissociative and having DID a blessing, not a curse. You would not have survived the childhood trauma without it.

After you stop fighting the diagnosis and start accepting that you did suffer from severe trauma as a child, you will begin to integrate. This means that you will begin to “awaken” to all of the truths that you have been hiding from yourself. You needed to keep yourself (from the perspective of the host personality) “in the dark” about the abuse to stay safe. Now that you are safe as an adult, you have no need to continue having a host personality. You are ready to begin the process of accepting each part, memory, and emotion as “me.”

As you do this, you will begin staying co-conscious as other parts emerge. Eventually, you will integrate back into your core, and you will marvel that you ever believed that you were ever whole. At this point, you will stop losing time. (Doesn’t that sound great??)

Healing from DID is a journey of self-love and self-acceptance. Imagine a life in which you no longer degrade yourself in your head. Imagine being comfortable in your own body and having access to various emotions (such as anger) when you need it. It is time to stop lying to yourself about your past and start accepting the truth – You are a wonderful, amazing, and precious person who deserves to be loved.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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