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Archive for September 30th, 2009

On my blog entry entitled Getting Triggered by Halloween Preparations, a reader posted the following comment:

I hate to repeat things too! What is that about.. do you think? I really really HATE it! Any insights appreciated. ~ Mia

I, too, have a difficult time with repetition. It took me a long time to be okay with saying things in unison at church, such as the Lord’s Prayer, because the repetition really bothered me. Heck, I cannot even stand to listen to the song Holly Jolly Christmas because it is so repetitive.

I think my problem is that chanting was used as part of the ritual abuse, so anything that reminds me of the chanting is triggering to me. Outright chanting, such as that used at the end of the song Whispers by Evanescence, can put me over the edge. However, even something that repeats a lot without out-and-out chanting, such as the song Kumbaya, really bothers me and always has.

I have been able to push through some of my aversion to repetition, such as speaking in unison in church. I now find that ritual to be comforting. However, I would rather jump off a bridge than listen to Holly Jolly Christmas, so I clearly have a long way to go.

Now, if I am the one creating the ritual, it makes me feel safe. For example, I always check my alarm clock exactly three times before I go to sleep, which is an obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) thing. This ritual makes me feel safe and secure, knowing that I have set my alarm clock correctly and will not oversleep in the morning. However, I have little to no patience with rituals that others set up and impose upon me.

I chalk it all up to the ritual abuse. Does anyone else have any theories?

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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