On my About Faith Allen page, a reader posted the following comment:
hi, just discovered your site- congratulations on your integration- we have a daughter who has been suffering for over 17 years, many treatments, many drs., many hospitalizations- not much progress- currently in crisis- looking for help again- who and what helped you? would you mind sharing this info? we would go anywhere just to find person/persons/hospitals. etc. who could be of help
thanks!
The most important element in healing is choosing to heal. Until a person decides that he or she is willing to do anything to heal, you can invest in all the resources in the world, and it is not going to make much of a difference. Choosing to heal is hard work. You have to relive painful memories, and you have to accept that these horrible things happened to me. Until a person reaches this place, resources are going to be of limited value.
If your daughter is sick to death of being in this awful place and is ready to begin the hard work of healing, I have several resources for her:
Books
The two “must reads” for a survivor of severe child abuse are Safe Passage to Healing (book about healing from ritual abuse and understanding Dissociative Identity Disorder -DID) and the Survivor to Thriver Manual (walks you through the healing process in a non-triggering way). Another great resource is The Courage to Heal.
Online Resources
Isurvive is a message board for survivors of all forms of child abuse. The Survivors of Ritualized Abuse forum is for those who suffered the most severe forms of trauma. It is also the place to talk about DID-related issues. The Sidran Institute is another great resource, offering lots of helpful articles on healing from severe child abuse.
Therapy
It is crucial that your daughter work with a qualified therapist with experience in working with survivors of severe child abuse. In my experience, the therapist does not have to be a DID specialist as long as he “gets” what alters parts are and their function. Healing from DID is too difficult to do alone. I strongly advise working closely with an educated therapist.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
I would say that it is possible to be in the care of Dr.s for 17 years, be doing everything possible to heal and be hurt more than when the treatment started.
I would look for a therapist that works with those that were traumatized is willing to make a commitment to help your daughter heal and would be open to the possibility that someone other than they might ultimately best able to help.
At the bottom of the page at this link is a list of treatment centers. http://www.manyvoicespress.com/links.html
Another book that I found helpful, not only personally, as one working through healing and DID, but to give to a few people who wanted to understand about dissociation, was “The Myth of Sanity” by Martha Stout.
I also love the book, The Myth of Sanity:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0142000558?ie=UTF8&tag=bloolotu-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0142000558
This was the first book I read about dissociation, and it helped me to feel less “crazy.”
– Faith
You’re so good Faith.
Sweet Faith,
I am so happy to hear that you are nurturing yourself. Sometimes this is such a hard thing to do, I even have to refer to my list to be able to remember what works. I am sorry to say that I ignore my desires to practice some yoga or piano and I find you example inspirational as always.
I came back to this post because I wanted to tell you that it really helped me, gave me the push I needed to buy the books I needed to continue progressing. I bought Safe Passage to Healing and it is wonderful just like you say. I like her very much because she reminds me of you in her gentle style. I also bought The Stranger in the Mirror because Grace recommended this one to me.
If I could I would like to ask you a question. I was never really able to let go and free write until you wrote a post on it in the summer and showed some of yours. I am such a VISUAL LEARNER!! This helped me so much and I truly did not edit and was finally able to tell my therapist that my Mother molested me too because of it. Thank you.
I have noticed lately that when I am typing I am making so many more mistakes not when I am free writing. Almost every word sometimes and of course my natural reaction is to edit and correct because that is what I DO!!! I have been feeling an uncomfortable feeling like I should stop and just let it go and see what it leads to. I should stop correcting everything. What do you think of this? Do you have any advice.
Thanks I know you already do so much. You are so good to us.
BE Well!
♥
Vicki