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Archive for December 29th, 2009

After my mother/abuser left, my friend and I went to my sister’s graduation party where we had a great time. I got drunk and figured that was completely warranted in light of the situation. I didn’t get a chance to decompress afterward because of the drama that ensued in trying to get home. I returned home to find out that my mammogram was suspect, and I had to endure over a week of waiting to find out if I had cancer or not. I spent Christmas Eve waiting for biopsy results. Fortunately, I received good medical news.

Sis and her kids came to my house for Christmas. My mother/abuser sent Christmas presents for hub, our son, and me. My sister told her what to buy hub and me (an Outback gift certificate) and ripped off my sister by not fully reimbursing her. What she got my son was for a four-year-old (he is almost nine).

On Christmas morning, my mother called Sis on her cell phone to wish her a Merry Christmas. When they hung up, Sis said that mom had asked her if she should call me to wish me a Merry Christmas “now that we have seen each other and talked.” My sister said no, and I said, “Hell, no.” My mother also told my sister to tell me to write her with the rules of communication (like I haven’t told her ten times what the “rules” are). I guess “back the f@#$ off” was too subtle for her. Idiot.

I have been dissociated for weeks now. I have the memories of the last few weeks, but they are encased in fog, and I have to look hard to see them. I tried to move back to presence yesterday, but I felt the need to cry hysterically for a long time, and I don’t have that luxury until after these d@#$ holidays are over, hub is back at work, and my son is back in school. Until then, I guess I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the best that I can.

Related Topic:
Trauma Tuesday: Seeing Abuser after Years of Safety

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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