Archive for January 6th, 2010

In many ways, I am surprised that I survived the last two months. First I had the H1N1 virus, and that coincided with a temporary doubling of my workload at my part-time job. From that, I went into a period of insomnia as I prepared to see my mother/abuser for the first time in six years. I had the drama of returning home, with things going terribly with hub being incapable to taking good care of our son, who was having trouble with his asthma. The very next day, I got the call about a concern with my mammogram. The biopsy hurt and took me a while to heal from, and just as that wound was healing, I was slammed with yet another cold. Yes, that pretty much sums up the last two months of my life.

I hate, hate, hate getting sick because everything in my life seems to fall apart. I also lose the will to go on and keep fighting. I can handle the emotional or physical pain, but not both, and I always seem to get slammed with an illness on the heels of very deep emotional pain.

A friend pointed out that it is not surprising that I got sick again. After all, I had not slept worth a darn in months, and I had NO decompression time during this period. My child was home from school, and hub was around doing very little to help out with childcare. Other than when taking a shower, I had very few, if any, moments alone to process seeing my mother again. Quite frankly, I still have not done it unless you count bawling my eyes out in the shower because I simply cannot handle one more day of pain.

Fortunately, the cold seems to be lifting. I took an entire day off on Monday (the day that I am writing this). I took my son to school, sent hub off to work, and then did NOTHING for five hours. I watched a mini-series on TV and then took a long nap. I just took a few moments to pound this out before driving to pick up my son from school. I really needed this break. I decided to make it a “Be kind to Faith” day, and I only did what I wanted to do, which was mostly watch TV and sleep, all of which involved being safe in my room under the covers.

We all need days like this – when we push away everything else in our lives and take a few moments for ourselves. This is not a luxury – it is a necessity. If we don’t ever recharge our batteries, how can we expect to keep going?

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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