Archive for January 8th, 2010

My cold simply refuses to go away. It has moved to my voice box, and now I have lost my voice … again. I first came down with laryngitis as soon as I started having flashbacks. My therapist said that it was a metaphor for my childhood – that I had “lost my voice” as a child.

This morning, my eight-year-old son jumped out at me and scared me. I tried to scream, but nothing came out. This triggered me, and I started crying. There is nothing worse than putting all you have into a scream but having no sound come out. Again, it is such a fitting metaphor for my childhood.

I used to have silent scream nightmares a lot before entering into therapy. People would be chasing me or hurting me in one manner or another. I would scream with all of my might, but nothing would come out. I eventually developed lucid dreaming and learned that, if I would keep screaming and screaming in my dream, even though it was silent, would eventually make a noise that would wake me up. I have had so many dreams where I just kept screaming that silent scream until I awakened in a cold sweat in my bed.

Do any of you have silent scream dreams? I would guess that they are probably pretty common among child abuse survivors because a “silent scream” is such a fitting metaphor for an abused child.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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