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Archive for February 23rd, 2010

I have previously written about animal alter parts. I shared at the time that I have an alter part that is a wolf. When I was a little girl, I thought the scariest creature on the planet was the wolf in the story “Peter and the Wolf,” so I created an alter part to “protect” me from my abusers. Of course, having a wolf alter part never succeeded in stopping the abuse from happening, but it nevertheless made me feel “safe” enough to fall asleep at night.

Even though I have integrated many parts and consider myself to be (mostly) whole, the wolf refuses to integrate. I think this is because I am still not convinced that I am safe when I sleep. Every night, I know that I am about to fall asleep when I feel the wolf come out. It makes me feel safe and protected, and I can fall asleep.

This past week, I took my son to the Great Wolf Lodge, which is a hotel with an indoor water park. Because of its theme, I was surrounded by pictures and statues of wolves. Talk about feeling safe!

I fell in love with a photograph in their lobby that I would like to get a print of. You can only see half of the wolf’s face as it is peering out at you behind a tree through one exposed eye. The wolf looks really tough and ready to pounce if you mess with it. I tried to find the picture online so I could post it here, but I was unsuccessful. Alas!

That picture captures what my wolf alter feels like. The wolf is always watching and waiting to leap out and protect me if I need him. I know he has my back, and he gives me the courage to let down my guard and sleep at night.

I have invited the wolf to integrate more times than I can count, but he is not ready. I doubt he will ever be ready until I feel safe at night, and I might not live long enough to ever reach that place. Alas.

Photo credit: Faith Allen

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