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Archive for March 9th, 2010

On my blog entry entitled DID (dissociative identity disorder) & Marriage: Dealing with Parts That Do Not Feeling Married, a reader posted the following comment:

I know there is another part of me now, L. She is very sexual and will allow anything to be done and will do anything. She is extremely violent towards me and does not see h or d Unless they are physically present. Sometimes she consumes me. And sometimes I am able to be present with him. I know I have control some how, of when L is present or not. But I dont know how. ~ Palucci

To understand the workings of a multiple system, you must first appreciate that every alter part is a part of you. You have parts that are wounded inner children that need healing. You have other parts that are sexual, angry, sad, etc. Everyone, whether they have DID or not, have parts of themselves that are adult and parts that are children, only they experience them differently. A “singleton” can laugh with glee like a child after riding a roller coaster and then immediately turn into a lover after the ride is over because these are two different sides of the same person. Those with DID have fragmented (separated) these parts so they experience them as “opposites” rather than as two facets of one personality.

You cannot “control” a facet of yourself. Your sexual parts, angry parts, and childlike parts are all facets of one person, and no one part can “trump” another part because they are all you. You cannot “control” one part. The more you try to control a part (which typically means stifle that part), the more powerfully the alter part is going to “fight back” because that part of yourself deserves to exist just as much as any other part does.

The key to ending the conflict is to love and embrace each alter part as “me,” no matter how foreign that part feels. As you love, accept, and embrace a part, the barrier separating the alter part from the core begins to melt, which eases the conflict. You also need to meet the needs of each alter part. Why is L angry? Help her direct her anger toward her abusers so she can stop lashing out against you. Visualization was a powerful way for me to help alter parts focus their anger on my abusers rather than on me.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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