On my blog entry entitled DID: Which Part is the “Real Me”?, a reader posted the following questions:
Do alters always have a name? And does the person with it live separate lives?? ~ Mia
The short answer is no – alter parts do not have to have names. Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a “create your own disorder” disorder, which means that the variations of how to “split” are only limited by the creativity of the children doing the “splitting.”
I have seen a wide variety of ways to split. Some people split into only two parts, typically a child part (who holds the unmet needs) and the adult part. In this case, each part is more likely to have a name. Others fragment into polyfragmented DID, where they might have hundreds of alter parts. In this case, there frequently is not a name for each part. My own system was polyfragmented, and most parts did not have names. Many parts were only personality fragments, which means that they were one-dimensional, holding only one memory or emotion.
I have seen fragmentation that is not classified as DID but, instead, as dissociative disorder – not otherwise specified (DD-NOS). I have met a handful of people who fragmented into colors. One woman’s anger was held in the red, her sadness in the blue, etc. When she looked into the brown, she would lose time, so she avoided “going there.”
As for whether each part lives separate lives – Again, it depends upon the multiple system involved. In my case, the answer was no. I had a host personality that was “out” most of the time, and I viewed that part as “me.” I had a wolf alter part that took over at night when I fell asleep (and that part still comes out, but I stay co-present). That part never did anything but “guard me” while I slept. Other parts would come out as needed when I was abused or triggered into adulthood, but they only stayed out until the danger passed. Others, such as the famous people with DID (Sybil, Truddhi Chase, etc.) did have alter parts who would “take over” and lead a separate life.
Again, so much depends upon how the child chose to fragment and how “separate” you keep each part inside of yourself. In my case, there was always a strong “core” that ran the show, even though my host personality was completely unaware of this. The more you reject a part, the more “separate” that part will feel, and this is more likely to result in the leading of different “lives.” However, it can also just result in the “rejected” part popping out at inopportune moments.
This happened me. I had a part called “Irate” who (obviously) held some of my rage. My host personality was a walking doormat, but sometimes Irate would have enough and pop off at the other person. I would be as baffled as the other person was when I suddenly had a strong backbone.
When it comes to DID, pretty much anything goes. Your multiple system was only limited by your creativity as a child.
Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt
Thanks Faith, this answers a lot for me. I remembered you saying in one of your previous posts that you’d heard of someone who had “color” alters. That’s so incredible to me.
I know that I dissociate and disconnect, sadly even with my son when his behaviors trigger my ptsd (screaming, tantrums or just being relentless in his pushing for what he wants… normal kid stuff ) I’ve talked about this with counselors before and it’s almost like they don’t believe me!
The way that I know I’m dissociating is that I snap. I can almost hear it audibly, like a click. Then all of a sudden I’m not in control and do not feel connected to myself or anyone else. All I can see or feel is anger and getting whatever the trigger behavior is, to stop. I am not physically violent, but verbally I can get pretty scary at times. I also have times when I don’t feel like I’m really a person. Like I am a tiny entity hiding someplace inside my head peering out large eyes at all this stuff happening to this outer person, but I am not controlling it, and I am not the outer person really, but everyone thinks I am, (but I am just observing). Does that make sense? Anyway, I never thought that I may have a split, but now I’m beginning to wonder, because the “snapping” me is extremely inconsistent with my “normal” personality. And it’s very very strong and spooky.
Thanks again for your insights. It’s enough for me to do more investigating.
Peace,
mia
Hi Mia,
I hope you find another t. A good t will not judge you, to decide what you are saying to them is ‘believable’ (we bat that around in our heads enough on our own). Most likely they just dont understand, which makes it difficult for them to hear all that your are struggling with. I am always amazed with the t I have now. She actually says ‘thank you’ to me for me telling her stuff, which I thought was wierd at first. She does not probe or direct, she is very patient. I have always felt like it was my fault, that I was creating these episodes – often feeling like someone would the day after a drunk (recently figured out this is a good way to describe what has been happening). Full of regret remorse confusion and self-hatred. I never believed I was justified to have these feelings or the emtional spins I would have. For the first time ever, because of my t, and FAITH too, I am trusting my feelings, enough to share them with someone else. I hope you find a t who is nurturing, but who is also able to help you trust yourself, feel good about the significance of your influence and capabilities in your healing…
hugs Mia and Faith,
palucci
Thanks Palucci. And may I say, you are so cool! You always know just what to say and how to say it so I can hear it.. and I really appreciate it.
Wishing you a weekend of whatever you like best,
mia
Interesting post, as usual, Faith. I only am not sure about one thing you said. I think this is an open question: Do multiples chose the way in which they split? My guess is that they (we) did not and that it’s a natural psychological response (at least to the young child who does split).
I have named all my wife’s insiders if they didn’t tell me a name. I don’t like dealing with “nameless” entities. I feel a name validates who they are. Sometimes the insider has accepted the name. Other times, later, they have decided to change the name, but they are all REAL names. It seems extremely important to each little girl that I treat them “like a real little girl.” Thus far I’ve only had dealing with 3 main insiders and a couple of others.
[…] Create the Multiple System?, multiple system, protector alter parts On my blog entry entitled DID: Do Alter Parts Always Have Names?, a reader posted the following comment: Interesting post, as usual, Faith. I only am not sure about […]
This is a great blog!!! I am almost certain I have always had this.. No alter names tho…