Archive for April 1st, 2010

More Weird Dreams

I had another weird dream. I have been having bizarre and intense dreams for weeks now. I have given up taking showers before I go to bed because I just have to bathe again in the morning since I awaken in a cold sweat.

This one was about my next door neighbor, with whom I am friends in real life. I was worried that someone was harming her, and I wanted to help her, but she wasn’t confiding in me. I got some male friends from my Sunday School class to try to help. We were spying on her together – trying to see if we needed to come to her rescue.

She was with her mother, and she was kind of talking in code about what was going on with her. I could tell that she was in trouble, but I couldn’t get to her without her mother being around.

Then, I got everyone to leave, and I decided to try to help her myself. I lifted a curtain, and I could see right into her house through the glass. Instead of her house being separate (like it is in real life), it was really part of my house. (Houses in dreams represent you, so I think this has to do with another part of myself that I have not yet healed. Oh, joy!)

Her baby (in the dream – she does not have a baby in real life) needed a diaper change (this represents flashbacks/memories in my dreams), but my friend didn’t have another diaper or way to change it because her father had taken too much from her. We talked about her father and protecting herself from him.

My memories of my father have to do with him knowing at least some of the abuse that my sister and I suffered but not making it stop. He did make our mother stop hurting us, but he did not stop the ritual abuse. He was there one night – blindfolded — where my sister and I pieced together that they photographed him having intercourse with my sister while he was drugged and blindfolded. My sister thinks this photograph was used to blackmail him into silence. He died in his early forties from a heart attack. My sister thinks it was from the pressure of this night. He never drank another drop of alcohol after that night.

So, who knows where this is going? I think it is a blessing that I had no idea just how messed up I was when I started healing because I doubt I would have thought it was worth even trying to start healing from so much damage.

Photo credit: Lynda Bernhardt

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