Archive for April 5th, 2010

Sorry to be posting so late today. My son is still out of school on Spring Break through today, so he has kept me hopping. I am sooo ready for him to go back to school tomorrow!

Last night, I watched the TV show V for the first time. I was a big fan of the original miniseries back in the 1980’s, but one of my favorite shows conflicted with the airing of this remake. I have since learned that my DVR can record two shows at once (Hooray!), so now I have added V to my queue. (I am in the process of catching up on TV shows I missed while I was out of town for Spring Break.)

Anyhow, the premise of V is that alien “visitors” are pretending to be friendly but are actually manipulating humans for their own nefarious purposes. They promise one thing but then push and push the boundaries until they get their way.

Sure enough, when I went to sleep last night, I dreamt about V, and the dream segued into people in my life that keep pushing the boundaries, such as my mother/abuser. I woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, and I was sooo angry! I decided at 2:00 a.m. that I would blog about this.

Setting and maintaining boundaries is the key to feeling safe. Because my mother/abuser has no concept of respecting boundaries, I continue to feel unsafe whenever she tries to worm her way back into my life.

I don’t know why watching V gave me such an aha moment, but it did. Well, that combined with all of your comments and observations about how I keep telling my mother the same thing – she just keeps refusing to listen. I am not being unclear – she is just being hardheaded and determined to get her way.

Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by people like that – people who just push and push until I give in. I feel like I am b@#chy a lot, and yet that seems to be the only language that hub and my son seem to be able to “hear.” I will say, “Please don’t do that,” then “Don’t do that,” to a firm “Stop,” to “Stop f@#$ing doing that before I f@#$ing rip your head off!!!!!!” Both hub and my son will look at me surprised and say, “You didn’t have to yell,” to which I reply in an exasperated voice, “Clearly I did!!!!”

I sometimes think I would have to leave my entire life behind and start over in order to have relationships where people are not constantly pushing my boundaries. I am making improvement. It just sucks that I have to be in a battle of wills constantly with those who are supposedly closest to me (all family). It is hard to trust when you always have to be ready to do battle.

Photo credit: Rosanne Mooney

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